Obligatory Football Posting

So…As some of you might know, playing digital football has become an addiction of mine. As much as I yell at my TV and feel like the worst excuse for a human being who wants to go outside and pour lighter fluid all over his controller and watch it burn in the driveway when I’m losing a game, I keep playing.

I can’t stop, well I can…I think, but I don’t want to. And it’s not an addiction as if I don’t take care of my life or whatever; but when I’m winning, damn I feel good. And if the score is close my heart beats so fast, I feel like I just got done running, which I don’t think I’ve done in the past 20 to 25 years.

So as of March 24th 2017 at 5 o’clock p.m. Central Standard Time I have played 318 online games against other people, I’ve won 180 of those which means that 138 of them resulted in a loss. Which means I won 56.6% of the games that I played against random people.

For the longest time I did not have a rating and I did not understand how someone with a record of 120-140 could be ranked when someone else with a record of 140-120 could not even be ranked. I still don’t understand it.

As you might know, or can make an educated guess at, I play as the Seattle Seahawks and I have for the last 318 games. It’s my team, I don’t care how bad they might be; hell…Matt Hasselbeck could still be our QB and guess what, it won’t change. You could say this player is better than that player, but I don’t really care; is he wearing a Seahawks jersey?

See now…if Marshawn Lynch comes back to the NFL as a Oakland Raider that is…I don’t know man.

Anyhow, I got done playing a game one night and it finally gave me a ranking, it’s got slightly better in the past two days. According to the game I’m ranked 7,053 out of 100,000 players. That feels really good, probably better than it should; not many people are going to be like, “Oh look at that kid.” They are just going to see my gamer tag next to numbers that most likely won’t mean much to them.

And, honestly I don’t feel like I’m…deserving of that many wins when you take into account that if you quit the game, you lose; if they quit the game you win. I have a few wins that are just wins because the other person didn’t even snap the ball and he was forced to forfeit due to excessive grieving, which means they got 3 penalties in a row.

I also have a few loses because my modem decided to take a shit, and if I left the game, which is what happens when you lose internet connection, then you lose.

Then you got to account for the fact that the majority of players do dumb shit that a coach would never do unless he was trying to lose his job. They go for it on 4th&25, they fake a field goal on the 4th down when they are 70 yards away from the goal post. That being said some of those games don’t even feel like a competition.

And then you get those players who do dumb shit, but for some fucking reason get away with it every time. Sometimes I keep playing them and say, “They’ll fuck up sooner or later.” But when they don’t and I’m losing 21 to 0 in the second half, that is when I quit.

But I guess I’m way better than I thought, I’m in the top 7.1% of the top 100,000 players.

So…don’t ask me why the picture says my rank is 0-0; I’ll just make an educated guess and say that the system is slow at updating.

Video Games with Donald Trump

One night I was playing Madden 17, again. And afterwards I was fucking pissed and wanted to thrown my controller against the wall and blow up my house. Because once again I was playing against some fucking lucky asshole who fucking won the game 25 to 24 by doing stupid shit, that a coach would never do, but fucking this kid was lucky as fuck.

Once again I was playing an idiot at checkers as he kept picking up his chips and fucking slamming the back onto the table in random ass locations while I sat there and yelled at my TV, “How the fuck do you get away with that shit? I’m playing all the right plays based on the fact that you don’t seem to know your ass from a hole in the ground and you just fucking get away with that shit like its the easiest thing you have ever done.”

Then later that night I was laying in bed staring at my phone, this was around the time our fucking dumbass of a fucktard president starting his happy ass executive order bullshit, which…I don’t think any of them have done any good.

It was when he signed his name on shit he didn’t fucking read in the first place, and put the construction of the Dakota Pipeline back into play. That night I was laying in bed on Facebook, I just got done reading “fake news” about how fucking dumb our president is, and I posted on Facebook:

“Donald Trump is like that fucking dude you play Madden 17 with, the kid who decides that going for it on 4th&24 is the smartest idea ever. You know what, you might complete it, but it’s such a risk that you’re most likely going to end up turning it over to me due to an incomplete pass, a sack, an interception, or even a complete pass that doesn’t make it 24 yards. Good job dude, it might work, but if it doesn’t you just contaminated land with oil just because you have fucking ties to a oil company. And no one fucking asked you to be there anyways.”

A few nights ago I was playing Grand Theft Auto Online with one of my friends from Washington State. When we play Grand Theft Auto Online we play with the two of us, no one else. Why? Because everyone else who plays doesn’t seem to do anything besides buy guns just to run around with no rhyme or reason but to kill each other for no fucking reason.

When we play Grand Theft Auto Online we actually like to play co-op missions, and if we go to Freemode to buy food, clothes, weapon, or whatever else; we don’t wan’t to feel like we are being hunted by someone with nothing better to do.

Grand Theft Auto Online is updated all the time, the game is still being played by a lot of people and they make a shit ton of money based on micro-transactions. I never understood that, why do you want to spend real money on fake money?

The new updates seem to be focused on public games, I remember telling Jay, “Grand Theft Auto is not the same as it used to be man, it pisses me off.” But that didn’t seem to have any soft of impact on him until he said…

“Why can’t you access your office in a close friend session?”

Not knowing that much about it I responded by saying, “All these new updates are focused on public games and it seems like you can no longer enjoy the game unless you put yourself in a digital city of serial killers.”

The next day I was in the kitchen doing dishes, we do not have a dishwasher, but we do have a house that is up to A.D.A. regulations. That being said I can sit in my wheelchair for hours and do the dishes. Part of me likes doing the dishes, sometimes I’ll be doing the dishes for 4 hours, and I’m okay with that; gives me a good opportunity to listen to podcasts.

Most of the podcasts I listen to are based in Seattle and are part of ‘99.9 FM KISW the rock of Seattle’. I do listen to others that are atheist based such as ‘Cognitive Dissonance.’ Outside of that I enjoy Joe Rogan’s Podcast from time to time.

I remember a previous episode was talking about the movie Matrix, and from there the topic moved to the fact that the world is 4.5 billion years old even though 40% of Americans think the Earth is 6,000 years old. From that came the idea that 100 years of technology is a very small slice of time when it comes to the history of humans, as we scientifically know it.

That then led into the possibility of a reality that is all digital but is so real that unless your name is Morpheus you would not know otherwise.

So…I came upon a theory that scares me. For the sake of argument let’s assume that the world becomes a giant virtual reality system that feels and looks so real that if you want to go on vacation in Amsterdam and have unprotected sex with a dozen people all you would have to do is sit on your couch in the middle of Oregon.

Now what if you were able to disconnect from the system and go on about your life as you do, but when you connect to it you get put into a would with everyone else that is also connected? Do you think people would do whatever the fuck they want because there was no consequence to their actions?

Like…that got me thinking about those people who commit murder. Like who the fuck does that? Why the fuck would you do that?

But when you’re playing a video game everyone becomes a serial killer. Why? Are people really that much of an asshole?

Like if a Matrix type of video game reality ever exists would you have to wear tactical gear and take a AK-47 and a Desert Eagle with you to the gas station just because someone might try to kill you?

Like people can’t be that fucked up!

What separates real life from a video game? What if there was no separation between the two?

Do people understand that an asshole is an asshole regardless of the platform.

And this is what I was thinking when that guy picked up his checker chip, laughed at me, and then slammed it back to on the table in a random ass location; that just happened to be the right location based on mere luck.

Like…I fear that if that technology ever comes to be the digital world would be filled with people who take actions that don’t seem to make sense to anyone besides them, and will they feel bad because 40 people died in the process of them getting 50,000 dollars?

That’s why we need a president. But…he’s fucking dumb too. I think this is the first time that America has found itself as a CEO who hires a employee that can’t do his job even though he is a very good liar and just like a shady used car salesman he emotionally sold a 250,000 mile vehicle to people that thought they were buying a reliable mode of transportation.

I Don’t Know You!

I mentioned this in a previous post, a few of them actually. I take Madden way too far, like why do I do this to myself, it’s just a goddamn video game right? So let me paint a picture for you.

Did you ever have that type of day where you wake up in the morning and you feel rather okay about the day, you don’t have any depression but at the same time you feel as if you’re not super excited about the unknown events of the day. You just put your clothes on, tie your shoes, lock the front door, get into your car and think to yourself, “Well, here it goes…just another day of doing the same goddamn thing that I did yesterday.”

But when you’re on your way to work the car in front of you blows up in a fiery explosion that has no sort of explanation as to why. It just happened, right in front of you on a day that seemed fairly normal. You spend the rest of your drive to work thinking, “That was so fucking odd, but it could have been worse, if only I was one-hundred feet ahead of my current location.”

Later that day you’re enjoying the day thinking to yourself that everything is okay because you’re still alive when your boss taps you on the shoulder and says, “Can you come into my office so we can talk?” You end up following him in to his office just to be told, “You’re a shitty employee and we’re going to fire you for no fucking reason, and we not going to pay you either.”

While unrealistic and highly illegal it, just imagine it; how would you feel?

On your way home, you’re sad, you’re depressed, you just don’t know what the fuck you’re going to do; you’re just about to give up and say, “Fuck it, I don’t care anymore.” You’re about to just give up when you get this odd feeling that you want to live this day over and over like you’re Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, you have an odd feeling that you can change the events of the day and just as you feel slightly better about your situation a vehicle traveling fifty miles per hour heading towards you enters your lane and heads your direction.

Just as you miss this vehicle by mere inches you look out your drivers side window to notice two things happening…you’re not only falling in a ditch but your tire is also rolling away from you as you think to yourself, “I can’t do anything right; what the fuck did I do do deserve this?”

And then you wake up in the morning to notice that your repeating the events of yesterday but you do have the ability to change the events of the day as you think to yourself, “Okay, today is going to be different.”

Okay, you ever have that moment where you feel like shit and everything you seem to do goes against you, but at the same time you keep repeating that event based on the fact that it can be different and when it’s going your way you feel like nothing can touch you, you feel like Superman as someone laughs at him and says, “I bet you can’t jump two feet in the air.”

Put that feeling into a video game, that might not make sense to a lot of people; but it happens, it happens to me.

One night Shannon came home and I was sitting here with my head rested in my hand that was propped up with the use of my leg. I was staring at the ground while Madden 17 was playing in front of me as the opposing them just passed it for fifty-seven yards and ran it in for a touchdown when they decided to go for it on 4th&32.

She could tell I was upset, angry, sad, reclusive, and all those other emotions that go along with anger. She asked, “Why the fuck do you play this game if it makes you feel like this?”

“Because I enjoy it more then half of the time.”

“Well when you’re all fucking pissy about a goddamn video game, you’re not the only one that is effected, just think about that.”

It’s like my dad fixing a car. My dad grew up poor and worked at a junkyard. His stories might be a little untrue, but from other accounts I know what is true, but I do not know what is false. At one point he had a 1969 Dodge Charger, other then being the most classic car ever, at that time it was green with a yellow top and the paint was highly faded. It’s not like he was taking it to car shows, at that time it was just a cool ass car that he put together from other parts that he found laying around in the junk yard. If I remember correctly the Charger went through seven different engines, fourteen different transmissions, and about forty different sets of tires.

By the time my dad went into the Marines and his cousin, who he doesn’t talk to anymore, sold his car for drug money. His Charger had a huge blower popping out of the hood that help the engine in the production of seven hundred horsepower.

Point is…I remember being a kid and hanging out in the garage with my dad as he worked on his 1984 Pontiac Firebird while holding his tongue and throwing shit at the walls. Twenty some years later I could be hanging out with my dad while he is working on the boat he has been building/manufacturing for the past five years as he sits there and say. “You motherfucking piece of fucking shit, go into the fucking hole, you’re not supposed to not work.”

He can love something at yell too.

So today, I start playing Madden…again. At that time I had a record of one hundred twenty-three wins and eighty loses. So I go into the game feeling pretty good thinking, “I win sixty point five percent of the time.”

It didn’t take me long to realize what type of player that I was playing. Before I go any further I’ll tell you a metaphor that I came up with one night.

I’m not the best player ever, there are many others who are actually better then me, but playing me on madden 17 is like trying to play someone who wants to play checkers on a chessboard. I might not understand the best formations, what they might do, what someone else’s formation might mean, so on and so forth. But when you’re playing checkers against an idiot who picks up his chips and slams them back down in random locations, you just end up shaking your head saying, “This is not how you play this game,” and you just sit there and watch yourself win with minimal effort as they keep doing shit that they think is the smartest idea they ever had.

I was playing this guy who…like all others low ranking players, rush their offense, always go for it on forth down regardless of the distance or the location on the field, pass it for more than thirty yards. He was just lucky as fuck. He was pissing me off too.

I was playing some dude who didn’t seem to know what strategy was, that must have been a foreign concept to him. He kept slamming his chips back down in random locations, it just happened to be the right location every time.

And people who rush their offense bother the fuck out of me, and I’ll tell you why. You only have three timeouts per half, I can’t afford to use timeouts just so I can pick a new play. Of course I can choose an audible, but there are only six of them and he might know all of them and can figure out what to do based on where your players go based on the change of formation.

Eventually I quit, normally when I play this type of player I can own him up and down the field. But he kept doing dumb shit and was lucky every time, and I was limited on what play I was going to run next.

I just didn’t care to play him anymore. so I ran into the back field and gave myself a flag on the play just so I could pause it and quit…yea, sure, he got a win but whatever, I just didn’t want to play him.

I don’t mind losing against someone who actually…knows how the fuck to play without being a lucky asshole.

A few minutes later I get a message from him that says, “Wtf bro, you that bad?”

I don’t know why I let trolls brother me either, I don’t know him, why the fuck should I care?

I reply, “What’s your record?” thinking, “There is no way in hell he has more than forty-three wins over his loses.”

Sometimes when a game is ended by either you, or them, your game does not update and you can not see their record, so I didn’t know what his record was…just based on his play style I can make a pretty safe assumption.

And he kept sending me messages where he was not only calling me a idiot loser who should sell his game but he was probably lying to me just to make himself feel justified for being an asshole.

I didn’t send him anything else but ended up blocking him as I was thinking, “Do you have anything better to do with your time, shouldn’t you be in school?”

I just had to bitch to someone, take it or leave it. I don’t even know how to finish this post that just sounds like a dude bitching about a video game.

What the Fuck!

You would think people are smart. You hope so right? I mean, people can’t be that stupid, can they? Sadly they are.

I’m not the best at football, hell I’m in a wheelchair and I can’t even physically play football, or you know like…walk. I’m not a coach, I don’t know what formation is better than another, I have a difficult time telling what someone might do based upon their formation. But I’m starting to learn.

And strategy plays a big part too. In the worst case scenario, don’t be fucking stupid.

I just got Madden 17 as a birthday present. I bought Madden 16 about a year prior. And I grew to like it a lot more then I thought I would have when I started playing people online to find out that I could actually fucking play.

Modern Warfare…now that’s a game I can’t play online. I run around like a chicken who can’t find his dick and lost his head. Then I just get sad, depressed, and angry that I’m not as fast as Joe Blow over there. And every time I think I’m about to shoot someone here comes a bullet in my the back of my head.

But football is actually a game that I can play; I lose some, but I actually fucking win too.

I finally understand how you could get so pissed at someone that you don’t even know and end up yelling some stupid shit to yourself like, “Fuck you, you goddamn piece of shit motherfucker, you didn’t have that ball and my player should fucking shoot your kicker because you’re a piece of shit.”

But I don’t really feel that way, so why I do in that “zone” is weird.

My score on Madden 16 was about 180-160 or something like that, the numbers might be different but I do know that I have about 20 more wins than loses. Madden 17 is slightly different as far as game play and the mechanics behind it. So after playing it for awhile I entered the online realm and currently have a record of 4-7, or 5-8.

And here is my conclusion.

For the people who actually know the formations and the plays based on those formations. you can more than likely beat me every time.

The majority of them however, do stupid shit; like no one would ever hire them as a coach. Because we all know that if you can’t pass the ball for shit and every time you run I push you back a yard or ten the smartest thing you can do is pass the ball on 4th and 23 when your on my own 13 yard line.

Like what the fuck man?

Some of them get lucky. They’ll pass it 80 yards and actually catch it. And that is when I yell at my TV.

So…I just got done playing some guy. It was the Seattle Seahawks versus the Seattle Seahawks, of course I try to do a friendly quit, I didn’t want to play the same team. But he rejected my offer, so at this point I had to play him unless I wanted a guaranteed loss.

The game didn’t even go into the second quarter before he quit. He obviously didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. But was he playing that way because everyone does stupid shit that would never happen in the NFL?

He ran the ball to the 17th and passed it on 1st and 10. I blocked it, so naturally 2nd and 10 is up and at this point I figured out that he was going to pass it, in give or take the same direction, so I play Cover 4 and Zone All but he held onto the ball too long in the pocket because all of his receives were covered. So I sack my favorite quarterback 6 yards into the back field.

3rd and 16 is up and he plays the same play, I play the same play, he passes it, but Richard Sherman blocks it.

This is the second time he’s been on 4th and more than 10. I already put 6 points on the scoreboard due to a TD and a missed EP. So once again…same plays, pass, block, and and this point I can just make it 9-0 by kicking a FG on 1st and 10 and my own 27, but before I can do that, he quits.

You would think people who play this game would actually know how to play, or even learn.

So, if I get more wins then loses, which will most likely happen, it’s because they keep doing stupid shit that makes you assume they are 9 years old and the only thing they know about football is watching it with their father.

Whoa Man, Did You See That Man!

Blast

I’m in the mood to tell you a story, a story that once happened to me; it might not be a gripping story, but a story nonetheless.  And it lets me practice using words to describe a story that makes the reader feel like he or she is there. One morning I was bored, so I was re-reading my own blog and I came to two different conclusions: When I’m typing something for awhile I’m bound to make an error in spelling and/or grammar, which sucks. And my stories, some of them are kind of entertaining, I hope; I was there, you weren’t…so your perspective is not the same as mine.

As most of you know by now a video came came out, Fallout 4…I like to play it, and spend a lot of time doing so, So much that I have yet to beat it or even take advantage of the DLC’s. I’ve downloaded Nuka-Cola the day it came out, have I played it yet? No. Why? Because I’m too worried about making sure all my settlements are built up.

I more or less spend too much time doing all the extra shit, not playing the main story line.

Anyhow this game has a system of scraping junk that you can turn into building material. One of the many things that you can scrap is a board game, a board game called Blast Radius. And this is where the idea of this story came from.

This actually happened to me, just because the video game reminded me of it, didn’t mean I’m making it up.

At the time in my life, if you read my other posts you might know some of this already, if you haven’t…Matt Hasselbeck was still a quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks and I lived in a town called Puyallup. My friend Marcus lived with me, he had a girlfriend; the two of them were popular and liked parties, because of this it was not uncommon to walk into my apartment and see twenty people walking around talking to one another even though two people lived there.

Marcus was…I don’t know if you would call him Mexican, because he wasn’t. He was born in America with a mom who has German roots and a father who he never met…from what I was told he was a guy from Mexico.  This gave Marcus that dark skin look as he stood around five feet six inches and was about two hundred pounds. He had six piecing in his face, more often then not those holes were taken up by alternative looking jewelry. Something that you could buy at Hot Topic, seven to eight years ago before the store became all “preppy hippsterish”

Two in each ear, the one in back being a larger gage then the one in the front. One in his tongue and one in that spot above your chin but under you mouth, he often liked to wear a curved piece of sliver jewelry in that piecing. Something that came out of his face and came to a point as it made a U shape as it ended under his chin.

He would often rock a mohawk too…which was not that often in all reality, but when he did his hair was dyed some unnatural color, such as blue and the mohawk was held up a foot over his hear with Elmer’s glue as it was separated into several spikes that were all perpendicular from the top of his head.

His girlfriend on the other hand, his girlfriend at the time was pretty cute. She was bigger then most girls that Marcus went after in the past. Which shocked me. She was not fat by any means, at least not according to most people. One day we were having a conversation and I said, “You got to love them, who cares if they look like they were in Playboy; you’re not trying to make other men look at her and be jealous of you, you’re trying to be happy.” Marcus somehow got into the idea that a chick standing at five foot three and weighting 150 pounds was fat. “Who cares if she has a stomach, all girls do; you shouldn’t be asking yourself if he thinks she is hot, you should be asking yourself if she makes you happy.”

She was about five foot two and came in at about one hundred and forty pounds with blond hair and blue eyes, which I found super attractive until she started trying to change the rules in my house and…Marcus was “pussy-whipped,” so anything she said was how it was. I just moved out shorty after.

My best friend Eric still lived in the same house around the block from my parents, but I was now in an apartment with a roommate. He hung out at our house a lot of the time.

Eric was your typical white boy with a drinking problem. Eric stood around five foot eight and at the time weighted about one hundred and thirty pounds. There was nothing too special about him, just picture a white dude with brown hair and blue eyes.

My other friend, from pretty much the entire time that I lived in Washington, was this guy named Dmitry. Dmitry worked out a lot and was the typical strong dude that all the women wanted to sleep with, and according to what I’ve heard from a few women he is not that tiny either. Dmitry moved to America from Lithuania, USSR at the time, in the early 90’s. His first English word(s) were, “Shut up,” which I find funny when he told me he started school and the teacher would be telling him to do something and all he did was say, “Shut up.” 

He even thought me how to say, “Bitch ass,” in Russian, which was great when you’re a kid in ninth grade.

Dmitry is about five foot eleven and one hundred eighty pounds with enough arm muscles that you would assume he can pull a car with a rope. He has blue eyes and blond hair, but now a days shaves it all off making him bald. Every now and then rocking a goatee, which is weird because it comes out red. He is also that one friend, that one friend that smokes pot every two hours on the hour.

Which I feel bad for…the second time I smoked pot was his first time smoking pot, which is another different story if I remember to write it. A year later you came to find out that he would smoke the same about of pot in 30 days ad it took me to smoke is 365 days.

My apartment manager, Marilyn, lived right next to me, she had a grand-son named Ryan who also hung out at out apartment more often then not. Ryan was the youngest of us, he was super skinny at one hundred and fifteen pounds with long brown hair, down to his shoulders. He loved rock music for the eighties and at the same time loved music that was in the same genre as Slipknot, Mudvayne, or Trivum.

He often looked like he was in a mid 90’s grunge music video. Which to be honest didn’t fall too far out of reality when you stop and think that Seattle was just a 50 mile drive north of us.

It was a rainy night, like most nights in Western Washington. I had the downstairs apartment. There were four apartments per building, and these apartment were built in the early sixties so the kitchen was practically the same size as the family room. If you went into the family room you would get to the back door. This door went out onto a massive patio that was more or less blocked off from anything.

The patio was a good twelve feet long and thirty feet wide, this is where we had a pool table and a ton of plastic chairs for all the smokers, which was 90% of most parties we had. When you went outside at looked straight you saw a hill, you were on the bottom of that hill, so that was blockage. There was also a wooden fence separating my backyard from Marilyn’s backyard, the fence went from the apartment to the hill, witch was only about twenty-five feet. Opposite of that, on the other side of the lawn was another wooden fence, this one only went from the side of the apartment to the end of the patio before getting to another hill that dropped about five feet into the parking lot.

Because of the fact that I was one the first floor the balcony of the apart above me, that was the same size, covered my entire patio. So even if it was raining, we were not it in.

That night we had about seven people in the family room smoking pot or drinking beer, seven people outside playing pool, smoking cigarettes, and drinking beer. Emily on the computer being a YouTube/music DJ. Ryan, Dmitry, Eric, and I were sitting on the kitchen floor drinking beer and passing around a glass bong because Eric got the ingenious idea to play quarters.

Dmitry is one of my only friends that like Heineken, I’ll drink it and all; but like most of my friends I stuck with PBR, Rainier, MGD, Budwiser, Blue Moon, or even Icehouse.

We’re sitting there bouncing quarters against the kitchen floor trying to get it to land in the glass cup of beer. Rap music is being played, rap music from the early 2000’s, every now and then being switched to heavy metal upon Ryan’s request or country upon Eric’s request, but no one at the party was happy when country came on. Every now and then Donavin would run inside to play some Flogging Molly.

I was exhaling pot smoke, Eric was drinking his beer, and Ryan was talking about ghosts as Dmitry stood up to go get another beer. As he stood up he and took a short walk to the refrigerator he also bent down to grab his empty beer bottle that he sat on the edge of the counter.

After grabbing a new beer Marcus pops in to yell, “Hey Dema grab me a beer.” As he swung around with a beer in each hand he also hits the empty beer bottle with his arm which sends it flying towards the middle of the kitchen, where no one was sitting.

Because of the material that was tiled on the bottom of my kitchen floor there was almost no traction if you were to slide a glass bottle from side to side.

At this point in the night I was feeling pretty good, and say weird shit; it gets my point across, but…it still sounds weird because I either start talking and forget what I’m talking about as I turn it into a short story about Rainbows being different colors or I can’t find the word I’m looking for so I substitute it with something else.

I’m was now blowing smoke out as I’m watching this empty beer bottle fly thought the air in slow motion as the music being played is going at regular speed.

The bottle speeds up and crashes into the ground and upon impact shards of green glass slide each way and some of them even slide out direction. To someone else it just looked like a glass breaking and sliding all over the floor.

I’m sitting there as all my friends stand up and look like a major catastrophic event just took place and they all look at me, still sitting on the floor looking at the wall like I just made some type of profound scientific discovery. As I say “Woah man, did you see that fucking blast radius.”

And of course they laughed at me before Eric sad, “I love you man.”

 

 

That’s Fucking Awesome!!!

Awhile ago I posted a post on this thing were you can make a post about stuff that you want to post about. In that story I was talking about how I’m a sore loser and how if I’m playing a game of football and can’t seem to make anything work I get pissed at the other person for no reason.

That has effected me negatively. I’m currently under a 24 hour ban from using any form of communication on Xbox Live. Someone reported me, which is justified, I can’t sit here and act as if it’s not my fault. I was playing some dude, or girl; who was playing as the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Me being me and missing Washington State as much as I do, I was playing as the Seahawks and have been for 100 games now. My record is currently 43 wins and 57 losses.

I was playing the Steelers and they held me back on every run play and I could not seem to pass it for shit. They got a touchdown within the first few minutes of the game. But I’m trying to learn how to be a better loser.

I got reported for unsportsmanlike conduct!

After they charged down the field in 5 plays, got 7 points, forced me to punt on the forth down when I didn’t gain more then a few yards, then was lucky to intercept the ball from them when all I did was pass it back to them…I quit. Which ultimately counts as a loss.

After I quit I got a message saying, “Lol.”

Being in my angry state I replied by saying, “Fuck you too.”

So…I was reported for that, which I’m not really complaining about, but it does suck. On the other hand in the last few days I was called a N word buy some dude that said, “Look at that you stupid n….., you missed the field goal.”

“Whatever dawg, I hope you’re black, but I didn’t ever talk to you and even if I did you have no idea if I’m black, white, Latino, or Indian”. I left that game too, mainly because I didn’t want to listen to him talk shit anymore.

Then I also got called the F word, not Fuck, the derogatory word for someone who considers themselves to be a homosexual. All because I got a touchdown and after listening to him talk some more shit I quit that game too.

So onto the other part of my story. I won! I won a pretty epic game and it was pretty ironic if you watched the Superbowl with the Seahawks and Pats. At one point they were on the one yard line playing offence and were able to get a touchdown by running it into the endzone.

So I have to account the game the best I can because I’m like…blown away.

I’m sitting there staring at a blue screen with a football helmet slowly spinning in the background while in the middle of the foreground a clock that keeps time from 0:00 is letting you know how long you’re waiting to find an opponent.

After watching the loading screen after it found some random opponent I hear Jim Nantz say “Seahawks, Patriots, coming to you from Foxborough Massachusetts”…

The game started with me figuring out that he, or she, loves to run the ball over and over and they didn’t pass it much. They made it down the field pretty damn quick and made the score 7 to 0. I was mad but I was willing to try to be a good loser, and I didn’t get the ball yet, so I wanted to see how fast I could make it down the field.

I’m the type of player that passes it short, rarely down the middle of the field. My top 3 receivers are Luke Willson, Jimmy Graham, Doug Baldwin, and on occasion I’ll pass in to my side to Marshawn Lynch. I normally run out routs where one receiver runs from the left side to right side of the field or vise versa while they cross the other receiver running the opposite direction.

I run it as often as I can though. If I keep gaining 4 or 5 to even 9 or 10 years per run I keep doing it. I will mix it up with short passes however. And I’m even starting to learn what someone might do based on their defensive formation.

I made it down the field, slower than him, but ended up tying the game 7 to 7. By the time I tied the game there were no more than 20 seconds left in the first quarter. If you don’t know, when you play online you are given a 5 minute quarter.

I gave the ball back to them after a kickoff and at this point I had a better idea of his play style and most of my plays were tight blitz’s, every now and then moving my line backers to the outside to try to either run in for the QB or defend against a pass. This was actually working! Every now and then he was lucky and ended up getting another first down, but for the most part I was keeping them back.

At one point he ran and ended up going like such: 1st & 10 than 2nd & 13. On 3rd down they decided to give the ball to Tom Brady and run to their four o’clock  giving them a 3rd & 24 after Michael Bennett chased him down. For some reason he went for it, and was lucky. Got a first down based on a pass but I kept holding them back for the most part.

Once again they went for it on 4th & 17 but ended up passing it to Richard Sherman and this resulted in me running back down the field giving me the lead of 13 to 7. I don’t understand why it does it, I think if you quit games too often it makes it harder for you to kick the ball; even thought the green circle was in the middle of the goal post I ended up kicking it far to the left missing the extra point.

At this point in the game it turned into a defensive battle where nothing was done but going down to pass it to the other team and vise versa. During the second half he made it down and got a touchdown to make the score 14 to 13. He was also lucky enough to get a safety on me making it 16 to 13.

There were 18 seconds left in the forth quarter and I figured the game was over. I also had all timeouts left and in 2 plays I manged to make it from the 18 yard line down to the 37 yards line on the other side of the field with two passes that I didn’t think I could have done, but I did! With 3 seconds left on the clock I called my last timeout just to successfully kick a 52 yard field goal.

The game went into overtime. It was scored 16 to 16, and it was at the last second too. It wasn’t like the game was tied and either of us were able to get any points. It was a “Fuck it” moment that actually worked.

He won the coin toss and took the ball. The game is 16 to 16 and the first one to get a point would win the game. At this point in the game he shifted from running to passing and shortly after kickoff he ended up passing the ball to me. And to be totally honest he should of challenged the play.

I caught the ball in the air, the player who caught the ball was headed out of bounds and I don’t think his feet were down when the ball was caught.

But he didn’t do anything besides quit, so I got a win for not winning, I most likely would have; I got the ball back on the 30 yard line and my goal was to run it as close as I could get to the goal post while trying to waist as much time as possible and if for some reason he got me to a 4th down I would have just kicked a field goal.

Now that I think about it, there were 4 minutes left, they had 3 timeouts…they still had a shot. But they quit.

And in a weird turn around, he gave me a win so whatever. But it was a great run to get to where it ended.

 

My Anger Turned Into An Addiction

So I got a problem, sometimes, actually every time I’m confronted with this issue I don’t know how to deal with it, but for some reason that anger has turned into an addiction that still causes me anger. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

I know not to get in that state of mind, but I keep doing it. Makes me wonder how others are able do it without being so angry for something so simple. I really do think I have a problem.

It’s not drugs, not alcohol, it’s a video game. Madden 16 to be more specific.

I started playing people online. In many ways it annoys me…but I keep doing it, over and over until I want to take my controller outside and pour lighter fluid on it just to watch it burn.

There are a few things that bother me about other people who play online. People who always go for it on 4th down, even 4th & 22…and they somehow get the first down every time. On one hand I’m saying, “If you win by playing that way, you win playing that way,” and the other part of me says, “What the fuck are you doing asshole.”

Then there are those people that go for a 2 point after every touchdown, that just pisses me off. And for those of you that can actually do it time after time…I just picture you sitting in front of your TV saying, “Ha ha, you fucking asshole, you suck at this game.” And all you do it shove it in my face.

I don’t even know what my record is…I think I got 22-35 or something like that. I’ve been going though streaks. I win a few in a row, then I lose a few in a row, then I win, then I lose.

I can’t really blame them, when I’m winning I just play, and I feel good at the same time. But I don’t do stupid shit like go for it on 4th & 5 or try a 2 point conversion when I don’t need to.

When I’m losing I turn into someone that I don’t like seeing. My heart beats really fast, my hands sweat, I actually feel like my life is part of that game for however long. Even if I’m winning.

Sometime I have room to chill out, like if it’s 21 to 3, then I can kinda stop trying to play and just keep running out the clock.

But if I’m losing I automatically assume they are the worst person on the planet. I’m not a violent person but I wish I could mod the game so every time they score my defender in the field goal block would pull out a gun and shoot the kicker.

That sounds really bad now that I actually say it, I’m not a violent person, I don’t wish violence on anybody. Even if they say all Mexicans are drug dealers that somehow steal our jobs without a social security number or want to ban everyone in a religion from entering the country because of a few bad people.

Something about that game and losing turns me into the worst person ever, and it’s just a God damn video game, why do I allow myself to feel like I want to turn on my mic and start yelling at them to tell they how shitty of a human being they are?

I’m not like that, why do I do it?

Part of wonders if it’s because I can’t physically play football. Like Marshawn Lynch didn’t get this mad when he lost because it’s all about that action boss. But they get paid, a lot, a lot of fucking money…even if they lose.

I don’t know…I guess I’ll stop playing…but I don’t want to…but I should…but I don’t want to…but it makes me angry…but its fun…but…