Moving to Oregon!!!

(I’m writing this a few days after I posted this. There are a lot of grammar, spelling or incorrect words in this post; I do not feel like editing it right now…so just know, if you don’t, that I’m not that stupid, I just suck at editing my self before I hit post)

A few days ago I remembered doing something and a few minutes later I attempted to make a funny post about said memory. At the beginning of my relationship with my now fiance I took her on a last minute date to Mt. Rainier. While that was running thought my head I had a thought that hopefully would seem funny to those outside of The Midwest, or Nebraska.

I more or less posted:

Hey, Shannon remember that time I took you on a last minute date/adventure to Mt. Rainier? It was fun wasn’t it? Mr. Fox hanging out next to the car, the bathrooms were berried under snow (in the summer) and then after we got home I realized I could of got in for free.

We had lunch in the paradise parking lot and the entire time there was a gray fox sitting right next to my car starring at us. We didn’t feed it, but we wanted to; he or she was kinda cute just sitting ten feet away from my front door watching us eat in a non-violent manner.

And there is the issue that I can get into a national park for free based on the fact that I’m disabled.

What am I supposed to do in this state? Take you somewhere and be like, “This hill is the largest hill in this state and its peak is 20 feet high.” Or take you to a body of water and be like, “Hey look, it’s a body of water, I’m pretty sure its deepest point is less than 100 feet; and look, you can even see land on every side”.

So that was my attempt to make fun of my own state, the state I was born in but was away for for 15 years.

On another topic I went to go get gas today and had another thought which I will talk about more below, but based on that I had the idea to write top top reasons I’m excited to move to Oregon.

These are not in any particular order, but I tried to put the most important shit upfront, however they are all important to me and towards to end of the list I found myself asking if this was more important then that.

1. I’ll be closer to my kid

As some of you might know; my kid was born in 2003, around the summer of 2005 I was booted out of the house and moved back in with my parents. After that I got to see my kid every other weekend.

Shortly after I moved out, like right after…and I have a post called Restless Night if you care to read more about that.

Now…if you read that post you might already know. She spent no time jumping from boy to boy. Nine mouths later they were married. He was in the military; and if you know anything about Washington State…Ft. Lewis.

Anyhow because of said marriage my son spent the last ten years, starting at the age of 3, maybe 4 moving all over the country. Then his step-father got a job in Seattle, out of the military.

So now my kid is back in the state where he was born and when I move to the northern edge of Oregon I’ll be a 21 hour drive closer. So I’m looking forward to that, my son says he is too. We both suck at coming up with things to say, so our phone conversations are very little. Not because I don’t care about my kid, but due to awkward silence. And if I ask him questions or say something I still get “Okay,” “No,” “Yea,” “Cool,” so on and so forth, like where do I go from there

But being with him in person is different, he will talk your ear off…which I did at that age too.

I’m just hoping that his mom will let him come live me Shannon and I for 30 days during his summer break.

2. I’ll be closer to my friends.

This…I might not need to explain this either. If you dig into my blog there is plenty of information to tell you what I’m about to summarize.

When I was a kid in Nebraska, I was picked on…more so than most kids, yes we were kids, yes that what kids do…but 30 people every day. Then I moved to Washington State and that pretty much stopped.

I became more popular that I could have ever imagined. My soon to be best man at my wedding…I’ve known him since 1998, the year I moved there; granted he only hung out with me because he thought my sister was hot, but after he got to know me he stuck to me like adhesive.

My other friend, he sucks at giving speeches; he will not be making any speeches at my wedding. I’ve known him since 1998 too.

My friends in Washington…what else can I say.

3.  I’ll be closer to my family

Now, my dad has five sisters and had 2 brothers, 1 remaining; regardless of that it has spawned a huge family who mostly reside in Nebraska, a few in Iowa. But I don’t think of them as…people who are close to me, mainly due to religious and political difference which I might mention later on it this post.

I moved back to Nebraska a year after my father moved back to Nebraska. He offered me a job in Nebraska a year prior. If you know anything about my blog, you know my stance on how difficult it is for people with disabilities to find a job.

As much as I didn’t want to leave the state of Washington, I saw it as a foot in the door to the engineering field. In which I have two college degrees that focus of the line of work. After talking to my now fiance, she moved to Nebraska with me in the same hopes that I would walk into that door.

Which never happened. At that time the government had a shut down of manufacturing, and the company my dad worked for got all to most of its contracts though the U.S. government. And his boss, whenever you mentioned something to him that he didn’t want to talk about he would just act like the situation was not there.

So I lived in Nebraska hoping for a job that I never got. On a positive note I found a job similar to that and was employed for 19 months until I was laid off due to a loss in customers base.

Around that time my father received a call from his old boss (they really liked my dad and were sad to see him go). After a, “You sure you don’t want your job back,” conversation on the phone; he quit his job in Nebraska based on several factors, one of them being that his boss promised to hire me but acted like I didn’t exist, and moved back to Washington to take his old job.

So being able to drive up to the Tacoma area for holidays or just because would be awesome.

This last Christmas I stayed in Nebraska, mainly because neither I nor my parents could afford to fly me out. I was sitting at a dinner table with my fiance, 3 of my dad’s sisters, my closet cousin, and a few other family members. The men were in the family room watching a Seahawks game, which was great for me; and the women were all hanging out in the kitchen talking about whatever.

As I’m sitting there talking to my Aunt Sandy and Aunt Diana I hear them say, “Oh my God Daniel, you look, act, and talk just like Billy (my dad). That makes me feel good.

There are things me and my dad disagree on, him being a republican and me being a democrat; which I’ll speak about later, but I have always been closer to my father than my mother. Mainly because my dad, as much as he doesn’t want me to fuck up, realizes that sometimes I won’t learn if I don’t. As my mom…she tries to stop me from doing anything that she deems dangerous, like you know, driving to Taco Bell or going outside when she thinks I will fall.

4.  Mountains, ocean, and trees.

Before I knew that I was going to move back to Nebraska I had a coworker, who I ate lunch with and also knew that I was from Nebraska. He would ask me some of the dumbest shit ever, which was funny as hell and stupid as fuck, but he is still a friend, not a close friend, but someone I still talk to and would hang out with.

“Do black people live in Nebraska?” May I mention that he was black. To which my smartass response was, “Do white people live in Baltimore?” which is uneducated on my part, I never been to Maryland other then a field trip in middle school. But…I think you can understand what I was trying to get at.

“Do people in Nebraska listen to anything besides country music?” Another smartass reply came from such, “I don’t know man, do people in Seattle listen to anything other than Nirvana, Alice in Chains, and Soundgarden?”

“Are there any trees in Nebraska?” This honestly made me look at him and think, “What the fuck man.” “Yes, there are.” But after being back here for about 4 years now…I can understand when you take The Evergreen State and try to compare it to Nebraska, that’s like trying to compare me to a seven foot tall NBA player. Yes, we are both human beings, but there are very distinct difference the two.

I don’t know if I need to say anymore. Oregon has mountains, Nebraska does not. Oregon in on a the coast of the Pacific Ocean, Nebraska is not anywhere close to either ocean. And trees…Oregon is a giant ass forest with cities built in the middle, I’m so used to the Pacific Northwest type forest that when you take me to a plot of land in Nebraska and say, “This is a forest,” I can’t help but laugh at you.

5.  Different climate

Keep in mind when I reference Oregon I’m talking about the low land portion of Portland, not the eastern side or up in the mountains.

So in Nebraska, there are actually four seasons; Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall. In western Oregon there are only two; Rain and Summer.

In Nebraska it easier to distinguish the four season than it is in Oregon.

As far as Nebraska goes the winters average a temperature from 10-25, and it can get as low as -10. It’s common to see 6 to 12 inches of snow more then two times in a three month period. Spring starts to get warmer, all the trees that have no leaves start to grow leave again, the grass starts to turn back into a green from a brown. The average temperature can be anywhere for 30 to 70, and I love When it’s hot in the spring, reminds me of Washington summers.

Summer here, the average temperature is anywhere for 80-110, and there is no ocean, so there is so much humidity it the air that it feels like you’re in a 90 degree sauna with a 120 degree heat lamp that you can’t escape from. Then you get into the fall which is more or less the reverse of spring. Leaves die, your grass turns brown, its starting to get colder outside.

Oregon has four seasons too, but they are “closer together” than what you would experience in the Midwest. Winter might be anywhere from 15-30 degrees, but it’s raining. Spring might be anywhere form 40-70, and it might be raining then too. Summer is the best, and I think I’ve explained that already, it might rain; but for those 90 days, I love that, when it’s not raining the weather is fantastic. Then you get back into the fall which again is the same as spring, for the most part.

And let me say one thing about the rain: The rain in Oregon ain’t that bad. People associate it with Seattle, but it ain’t as bad as you might think. When someone says,” Oh yea, it will start raining on Monday and won’t stop until Saturday.” That sounds bad, but it’s not. Rain here is like standing under high pressure shower head for an hour compared to standing under a low pressure sprinkler for a week.

Rain might sprinkle on us for a week, but it dumps on you for an hour.

And humidity…come on man. If you’re in the Midwest picture a 90 degree day in the spring, take out the gusts of wind you get and then imagine that in August.

6.  Jack in the Box.

Some people hate the food at Jack in the Box, which I don’t understand, but whatever, people are allowed to feel anyway they want.

But…Breakfast at 6pm or dinner at 5am, need I say more? And a large menu with a lot of options.

Nebraska does not have a Jack in the Box, and it makes me sad. I have to drive 110 miles over to Kansas City, Kansas just to have Jack in the Box. Every time I’m up in that area one of the things I make a point to do, which might be more than once, is eat at Jack in the Box.

7.  Weed is legal

I could talk for hours about the legalization of marijuana, but I won’t…if you agree with me you know everything I’m going to say; and if you don’t you won’t care anyways. Both times in college I has to take an English class, both of them had the topic of a persuasive essay either 5,000 words or a 15 minute speech, both of those time I wrote about exactly that: The legalization of Marijuana.

Now, I’ve been away for so long that I’m not keeping up with the laws in said state. And when I left I didn’t live in Oregon anyhow.

Do you know how good it feels to say, “I was one of the many who voted to legalize relational marijuana in Washington,” when you live in one of the few states that does not even allow medicinal marijuana.

Say what you what, but Washington as well as Colorado showed a decease in violence, and traffic fatalities with a large, and I mean large, increase in state revenue that goes back to the states infrastructure.

And I’m pretty sure Oregon, all all the other state that passed it since 2012 will follow suit.

8.  I don’t have to pump my gas.

So my fiance’s my was out here to visit and while my fiance was at work I was driving around town from place to place to do some stuff with her mom, who is 50 something… I’m guessing, when we pulled up to a gas pump to get gas I asked, “Do you mind pumping the gas?” And She said, “I don’t know how to.”

After thinking about it for a few seconds it made sense to me, and I’m not trying to say she is less of a person because of it.

Do you know how many jobs are created in Oregon because of that? It’s against the law to pump your own gas. So that’s cool, but good luck getting gas at two in the morning. You might just have to cross the river and go to Vancouver, WA if you need gas at 2am.

As far as I go, I just got a new car, a car with the gas tank on the passenger side. And as time goes on its getting more difficult for me to walk. Yea, I know, there is a disabled button on gas pumps, but not many people use them and that being said the employees inside of the store are not used to it; every time I pushed it, nothing happened.

When I had a car with the gas pump on the drivers side, it was much easier for me to pump my own gas, but now I got to add the task of walking around the vehicle just to do it, then I got to walk back afterwards.

It’ll just be great to roll up to a gas station, I might have to wait in line, but I don’t have to get out of my car; I can either say “Fill it up,” or “Twenty bucks,” and it will be done for me.

9.  More democratic.

A few days ago I caught myself thinking, “Do republicans view Washington and Oregon the same way democrats view Texas?”

On a separate occasion I went to the movies with my fiance and one of the characters said, something along the lines of, “This is a small village, people don’t have that many issues do deal with.” And in the middle of the movie that got me to thinking about how smaller towns tend to be republican while larger ones tend to be more democratic.

And yes, there are republicans in Oregon; there are democrats in Nebraska. Lincoln and Omaha are the two largest cities in Nebraska, and that being said there are more democrats and more moderate republicans who understand that there are a lot of people here that deserve the same rights as everyone else, they all have different religions and backgrounds.

But you get outside of Lincoln or Omaha into smaller towns you tend to find people who think it’s okay to force people to be a certain religion, it’s okay to force kids to say the Pledge of Allegiance at school, it’s okay to deny a couple the right to marriage because of a religion that is not supposed to hold any legality and that everyone who doesn’t speak English should fucking get the fuck out; all of these make you think, “What the fuck is your problem.”

Now Oregon, specifically the Portland area is the same as Western Washington; as far as cities go. A bunch of cities all jam packed next to one another with very large and very diverse groups of people. And the republicans there, are surprisingly moderate. They might consider themselves to be financially republican but socially democratic.

I’ve heard a quote from a comedy special on Netflix where Trevor Noah said something along the lines of, “There are so many people in this world, once you start to travel from state to state, even country to country you start to understand how insignificant you are.”

I don’t know about you but I’d rather live somewhere where people allow you to live your life how you deem fit as long as you’re not being violent versus someone who is close minded and thinks everyone should be just like him or her.

10. Less religious.

I don’t know what I can say about this. I’d rather live somewhere where people don’t think your a violent people who kills children and drinks their blood just because you’re an Atheist.

Due to previous research I can tell you that – these stats might have changed – Mississippi is 7% Atheist, Nebraska is 14%, while Oregon and Washington are up in the 24 to 25% range.

I don’t care what you believe, you can believe in a giant lumberjack who has a blue Ox for all I care, but the moment that you try to effect my life, the education in schools, or the freedom that is in the first amendment, that is when I have a problem.

11.  Ikea, Fred Meyer, and others.

Fred Meyer is great, I don’t really know what to say; I miss it. It’s like going to a smaller bet better version of Walmart.

12.  More handicapped accessibility.

People here think that shit is handicapped accessible; but it’s not. Yea sure, I can get from here to there, but it’s not as easy. I mean like I can get around in a wheelchair, but it’s like the Midwest has this idea of…

“If we have to legally do it, I guess we will; but that’s as far as it goes. If you can get in and out of the store we fulfilled our legal responsibility. If you can get out of the door on the side of the building because a fire is blocking the door that you can enter, that ain’t our fault. And well if you cant get down to the street via a curb-cut, well that’s not our fault either; go over there and then come back this way. We don’t care about how easy it is, all we need to check off of our list is rather it can be done.”

I don’t expect to climb Mt. Hood in my wheelchair, but Oregon has a better idea of, “You’re here and you need to get there; you can go this way or that way.”

And if you’re from the Midwest and think I’m talking out of my ass, go borrow a wheelchair and live in in for 30 days. I grantee you smaller towns are not as accessible as bigger cities. And I’m sorry but, Lincoln ain’t as big as you think it is.

And keep in mind I’m very active, which is a weird adverb to relate to someone in a wheelchair. But I’m not just some dude that lives at home and doesn’t go anywhere, just because we can go over there and do this does not mean we don’t what to go over there and do that.

I’m just saying, larger populated areas seem to have a better grasp of said topic.

13.  Thrift Shopping

A few days ago I was listening to Seattle Rock Day on KISW and Maclemore’s Thrift Shop started playing, which was odd for that station; but made sense in the context. And that got me to thinking about how happy I would be to go thrift shopping in the PNW.

Thrift shopping in Nebraska is like going into a hoarders house and finding nothing that you want and then when you do find something that you think would be $3.99 you find out that they want $19.99 for a crumbled up piece of paper.

Portland and Seattle area thrift shops just have a much better selection, you can actually find what you want, and they don’t charge a ungodly amount of money for something that should be half of that price.

Everyone out here sales their shit, they don’t donate it. And when the sale it they thing it’s perfectly okay to ask for 75 to 100% of the price that they bought it for five years ago.


Video Games with Donald Trump

One night I was playing Madden 17, again. And afterwards I was fucking pissed and wanted to thrown my controller against the wall and blow up my house. Because once again I was playing against some fucking lucky asshole who fucking won the game 25 to 24 by doing stupid shit, that a coach would never do, but fucking this kid was lucky as fuck.

Once again I was playing an idiot at checkers as he kept picking up his chips and fucking slamming the back onto the table in random ass locations while I sat there and yelled at my TV, “How the fuck do you get away with that shit? I’m playing all the right plays based on the fact that you don’t seem to know your ass from a hole in the ground and you just fucking get away with that shit like its the easiest thing you have ever done.”

Then later that night I was laying in bed staring at my phone, this was around the time our fucking dumbass of a fucktard president starting his happy ass executive order bullshit, which…I don’t think any of them have done any good.

It was when he signed his name on shit he didn’t fucking read in the first place, and put the construction of the Dakota Pipeline back into play. That night I was laying in bed on Facebook, I just got done reading “fake news” about how fucking dumb our president is, and I posted on Facebook:

“Donald Trump is like that fucking dude you play Madden 17 with, the kid who decides that going for it on 4th&24 is the smartest idea ever. You know what, you might complete it, but it’s such a risk that you’re most likely going to end up turning it over to me due to an incomplete pass, a sack, an interception, or even a complete pass that doesn’t make it 24 yards. Good job dude, it might work, but if it doesn’t you just contaminated land with oil just because you have fucking ties to a oil company. And no one fucking asked you to be there anyways.”

A few nights ago I was playing Grand Theft Auto Online with one of my friends from Washington State. When we play Grand Theft Auto Online we play with the two of us, no one else. Why? Because everyone else who plays doesn’t seem to do anything besides buy guns just to run around with no rhyme or reason but to kill each other for no fucking reason.

When we play Grand Theft Auto Online we actually like to play co-op missions, and if we go to Freemode to buy food, clothes, weapon, or whatever else; we don’t wan’t to feel like we are being hunted by someone with nothing better to do.

Grand Theft Auto Online is updated all the time, the game is still being played by a lot of people and they make a shit ton of money based on micro-transactions. I never understood that, why do you want to spend real money on fake money?

The new updates seem to be focused on public games, I remember telling Jay, “Grand Theft Auto is not the same as it used to be man, it pisses me off.” But that didn’t seem to have any soft of impact on him until he said…

“Why can’t you access your office in a close friend session?”

Not knowing that much about it I responded by saying, “All these new updates are focused on public games and it seems like you can no longer enjoy the game unless you put yourself in a digital city of serial killers.”

The next day I was in the kitchen doing dishes, we do not have a dishwasher, but we do have a house that is up to A.D.A. regulations. That being said I can sit in my wheelchair for hours and do the dishes. Part of me likes doing the dishes, sometimes I’ll be doing the dishes for 4 hours, and I’m okay with that; gives me a good opportunity to listen to podcasts.

Most of the podcasts I listen to are based in Seattle and are part of ‘99.9 FM KISW the rock of Seattle’. I do listen to others that are atheist based such as ‘Cognitive Dissonance.’ Outside of that I enjoy Joe Rogan’s Podcast from time to time.

I remember a previous episode was talking about the movie Matrix, and from there the topic moved to the fact that the world is 4.5 billion years old even though 40% of Americans think the Earth is 6,000 years old. From that came the idea that 100 years of technology is a very small slice of time when it comes to the history of humans, as we scientifically know it.

That then led into the possibility of a reality that is all digital but is so real that unless your name is Morpheus you would not know otherwise.

So…I came upon a theory that scares me. For the sake of argument let’s assume that the world becomes a giant virtual reality system that feels and looks so real that if you want to go on vacation in Amsterdam and have unprotected sex with a dozen people all you would have to do is sit on your couch in the middle of Oregon.

Now what if you were able to disconnect from the system and go on about your life as you do, but when you connect to it you get put into a would with everyone else that is also connected? Do you think people would do whatever the fuck they want because there was no consequence to their actions?

Like…that got me thinking about those people who commit murder. Like who the fuck does that? Why the fuck would you do that?

But when you’re playing a video game everyone becomes a serial killer. Why? Are people really that much of an asshole?

Like if a Matrix type of video game reality ever exists would you have to wear tactical gear and take a AK-47 and a Desert Eagle with you to the gas station just because someone might try to kill you?

Like people can’t be that fucked up!

What separates real life from a video game? What if there was no separation between the two?

Do people understand that an asshole is an asshole regardless of the platform.

And this is what I was thinking when that guy picked up his checker chip, laughed at me, and then slammed it back to on the table in a random ass location; that just happened to be the right location based on mere luck.

Like…I fear that if that technology ever comes to be the digital world would be filled with people who take actions that don’t seem to make sense to anyone besides them, and will they feel bad because 40 people died in the process of them getting 50,000 dollars?

That’s why we need a president. But…he’s fucking dumb too. I think this is the first time that America has found itself as a CEO who hires a employee that can’t do his job even though he is a very good liar and just like a shady used car salesman he emotionally sold a 250,000 mile vehicle to people that thought they were buying a reliable mode of transportation.

There is No Picture

You know what? This is more or less a post where I can talk out loud. So here it goes…

So I grew up in Nebraska and many years before we moved to Washington State my sister and I would go to one of my aunt’s house. My Aunt Cathy who laid in bed all fucking day, and I do mean all day! She would sometimes eat dinner in there too.

At that time she was married to some guy named Pat. I don’t remember much about him but I do remember that he was a tall white dude with a full beard that was a grayish black. Many yeas later I came to find out that he was also an alcoholic.

For the most part when my sister and I went over there for unsupervised daycare I was usually stuck playing Lego’s and watching the old version of Scooby Doo. This pretty much went on until my dad’s sister’s kid’s would come home from school.

My dad has/had 2 brothers and 5 sisters. His sister Joyce has a son named John, John was always at Cathy’s house, so much so that I thought John was one of Cathy’s kids. When school got out I would expect Matt and John to come home, while they were both related they were not brothers. She also had two other sons and one daughter, they were older and must of lived elsewhere because I didn’t see them a lot.

Matt, John, and Jason were pretty much the ones who watched me while their mom/aunt stayed in bed all day.

Without going into more then I plan on, one of her kids is named Ed. And Many years later after being in another state for 15 years as well as forming my own opinions I came to the conclusion that some family members can be so stupid and judgmental that you grow to a point were you don’t want to be around them, and when you’re at the family BBQ at the cabin with 30 other family member’s…you see each other, but no one wants to talk to the other.

When we moved out to Washington State my sister was looking to fit in among her peers and that being so she turned to marijuana. I was still the kid who thought that marijuana would open the gates of hell.

Fast forward to the end of high school, like a year after I graduated (2003); I became a stoner who was slowly turning into an liberal atheist and she turned into the religious republican that still has some amount of Washington State progressiveness to her. For those of you who know Washington State, she now lives up where the Sandpeople do, Spokane. And we used to live 50 miles south of Seattle. Vast change in climate as well as religious and political outlook.

As religious as my sister is, and as religious as I’m not; we don’t seem to fight about it. She still has that idea that, someone can be who they are regardless, as long as you don’t try to force your lifestyle upon me…

My cousin Ed on the other hand, he turned into the stereotype of why I hate Nebraska. He is super religious and acts as if he hates everyone who doesn’t see things his way.

A few nights ago I’m laying in bed staring at my phone, looking at Facebook. As republican as she is, she shared a video that most democrats share. It was about ‘The Wall’ that fucking our dumdass of a fucktard president thinks is a great idea. The video went into several aspects of why a wall between borders would be a waste of money just for a sense of security that is more of less a feeling of false security.

I was shocked, happy, and curious that my sister shared this video so what do I do? I go deeper into that post to read the comments. Right away I see something that I don’t want to see but feel gravitated to look at.

There my cousin is saying, “Let’s protect our country first then reform our schools by putting God back where he belongs! Without a safe country, what good are schools?” The next comment is from my sister who has spent time in Mexico and as part of a church group built houses for those who could not afford to do so on their own accord. She said something that also caught me by surprise, “A wall is not the anwser.”

And me being me I focused on God, so I stick my head into a converstaion that I should not be part of and said, “Oh my… him…okay…” and in a sarcastic understanding behind it I continue with, “Because forcing religion upon an entire country of people is a great idea. Fascism never sounded so good.”

I more or less stayed out of the conversation that came afterwards, mainly because I left the comment at four in the morning and I was sleeping. More or less the conversation was: My cousin telling me that I was mad at God, my sister calling him out because he is an asshole even though he may not see it, my sister telling my cousin that she agreed with me, she loves illegal immigrants who work hard to get here, even thought they shouldn’t be, she loves both of us and doesn’t want family to fight, and then she called me out for stirring the pot and being just as bad but on the other end of the seesaw.

So what to I do? Comment with, “I‘m just saying that if you’re okay with the Bible being in school, you must be okay with the Quran, or the teachings of evolution…if you’re not, that my friend is not what religious freedom is. If you think it is you need to get a plane ticket to the Washington D.C. and go to the Capitol building, report back to me what the first amendment is.”

I don’t know if there is any point to this post. I just, every time I look at Facebook I just get really sad and makes me wonder, “When will these people wake the fuck up and say to themselves…who the fuck did I vote for?”

Even republicans can’t be this dumb. Like…what the fuck dude, you guys voted for someone who acts like a kid when someone on a TV show makes fun of him, and you thought that would have been an okay thing to do?

Let’s not mention the few things he did in the last few days that can or will have bad outcomes.



Coming Out

I think growing up with a physical disability has gave me the ability to learn a task that many people have a hard time with. I think the idea of being proud of who you are has made it easier for me to come out of the closet.

As some of you know I grew up with a physical disability that only got worse over time. 32 years later I can’t really walk without the help of assistance. I used to be able to run, jump, and skip; and I’m glad I got to experience that, as I just said that time is long gone. Even with the idea that I could walk it was easy for anyone to make the assumption that I had a difficult time walking.

I took my first step when I was 11 months old, after falling on the floor I did not attempt to try again for another 2 years and some change.

In elementary and middle school I had a difficult time at school. I had a good life all in all, my parents loved the hell out of me and the few friends that I had gave me the sense of friendship, but school, school was an entirely different story.

One of the first things I have ever noticed about school were kids, males to be more specific, were always picking on me because I was different. I wanted to be popular like any other kid in school and I spent 8 years trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. How I was trying to fit in, with the knowledge that I had at that time in my life, my plan only backfired on me.

By the time I got into 8th grade I had 30 people making fun of me, I didn’t understand it like I do now. Nonetheless school wasn’t a very fun time for me.

Then my dad told me we were moving to Washington State. Like most kids I was sad that I had to leave all my friends behind, but at the same time I was looking forward to moving to a new area based on the fact that no one knew who I was.

Luckily for me a talk show turned my life around. The night before we left the state of Nebraska I was watching TV at two in the morning. There is nothing on TV at two in the morning and after going through the channel lineup three times I stopped on a show that remotely captured my interest.

I wrote about this and a few other experiences in school if you care to dive into my blog that doesn’t seem to have a purpose. But to summarize it, “The only reason people make fun of you is because you give them the reaction that they are looking for.” That really stuck with me. It was like a light bulb was stuck in the back of my head and someone finally decided to flip the switch.

From that point on my life completely changed, I experienced things I only dreamed about in years prior. I became fairly popular, not on the same level as the quarterback or the hottest cheerleader, but when someone gives you 200 pennies and you only had 6 cents you notice a difference.

And people stopped making fun of me because I was no longer giving them the reaction that they were looking for. I stopped trying to shove a round peg into a square hole only to find out that the shape changed to fit my personality.

Part of it had to do with the fact that people grow up and from that came maturity. But if someone tried to make fun of me I didn’t try to get them to like me. And throughout my late high school years I learned how to make fun of myself while remaining humorous to anyone that witnessed that act.

Making fun of myself while having a good sense of humor in the process was by far the best skill that I have ever learned.

Throughout my years living in both states I developed a new perspective on life. I was no longer ashamed of who I was. I developed the idea that I was who I was, and if you didn’t like me for whatever reason it was a waste of my time to try to get you to like me and therefore the people that didn’t like me and/or were trying to make fun of me did not get the reaction that they were looking for.

Because in all reality I didn’t care. Of course in bothered me to a certain extent, but I just came from a place where I experienced that everyday for the past 10 years. I wasn’t going to do it again.

Understanding that you are better than what some people assume you to be can go very far.

That is one of the main reasons why I consider Washington State my home. Other than a good home life that I had while living in Nebraska – the first time – my social life became something that I have always dreamed about. And from there came a lot of other factors such as people, religion, politics, so and and so forth. If you ask me I grew up in Washington State, I was just plated in Nebraska until I was born.

Now, for those of you reading this expecting me to tell you that I’m gay, I’m sorry, I’m not gay. But it got to read this far didn’t it?

Growing up in a republican and religious household I was raised to think it was bad to be gay. And the few friends that I had back then, they thought it was bad to be gay too, mainly because of their religious background, which I’ll talk about here in a bit.

In Washington I got to know many gay people, many of them became my friends. However there was this one dude named Matt who I stopped hanging out with because he kept giving me long and uncomfortable hugs every time we ended up at the same house party. I’m flattered that he thought that I was hot or whatever. And I could give two shits if he had sex with other men, who the fuck cares. But if I feel like you’re only hanging out with me because you wanted to suck my dick…then… And if I was gay it might have happened, but I’m not so it didn’t.

Washington state is a lot more progressive than Nebraska. On a much larger scale the west coast in general is a lot more progressive than a large majority of places that most refer to as the mid-west.

I never had a issue with the fact that Matt was homosexual. I just didn’t want to hang out with someone that only wanted me for my body. And I’m sure a lot of women can relate to that. But gay people are not gay people, if you ask for my progressive view on it, gay people are just people who happen to be sexually attracted to members of the same sex. That’s just the label we put on it. If I call you gay, I mean no offense to it. That’s like my being offended because you called me straight.

My fiance and I are not going to get married until we move to Oregon mainly because her family is in Oregon, she used to be a party planner and therefore has a lot of connections, all of the people who I want to be my groomsman live in Washington and all of her friends that she wants as bridesmaids, with the exception of one who lives in California, live in Oregon.

Considering the fact that we are both Atheists our wedding ceremony will not be of a religious nature. Her uncle is homosexual, and he is a pretty cool guy. Not only is he a DJ for weddings but he is legally allowed to marry a couple. She is going to see if he will want to, which I don’t mind. It just makes me wonder what my religious family members would think if they knew.

And to be honest I don’t care, it’s not their wedding.

Now…I’m not gay so I can’t put myself in their shoes. I can only assume, and even then I don’t know. I don’t understand why it is so hard for kids to come out of the closet. Religious parents that might disown them because of their sexual preferences. While that is horrible, I can understand that fear. I can’t relate to it but I can understand it.

And if someone disowns you because of their religious views…that just sounds like an asshole to me. Those parents have issues, they are just using religion as a fucked up but reasonable excuse to do so.

So the whole reason I started this post is because one day I was sitting around having random thoughts like I tend to do, and I started thinking about all those kids who don’t believe in God but are afraid to tell their parents. They must live several years pretending to be someone their not just to give his or her parents a false sense of security.

I don’t really understand that either. I remember telling my mom and dad that I didn’t believe in God. It never came up in conversation but there was always a hint of it.

In 10th grade, before I had a lot of friends, I was invited to this house party and for whatever reason I ended up going. Later on I found out that the kid who invited me graduated a year prior and was a major drug dealer, user, and had a shit ton of sex with people. He had this party as a way of telling people about God.

I went through a brief religious stage, but never bought into it. After that I decided I was an Agnostic, someone who believed in a higher power but thought that region was bullshit.

A few years after that episode I dropped the very loose belief that I had to become a full out Atheist. I don’t need to go into what I do or don’t believe due to the fact that I don’t want to offend people.

Point being…I was made fun of as a child, more so than most, and my life totally turned around later in life. That being said, I’ll tell you who I am, I’ll tell you what I believe and if for some reason people decide that they don’t like me then I guess they don’t like me. I’m not going to try to fit into a mold I don’t fit into just to please you only to make myself sad.

However I do try to listen to peoples options and try to weigh the positives and negatives of such, I might slightly change my point of view on a certain topic.

I must say…whatever religion you follow, no matter how stupid it might seem, it’s what you do, it’s what makes you happy. As long as you’re not being physically violent to someone else then who the fuck am I to tell you how you can or can not be happy?

However Disowning your own child due to their sexual preference is emotionally violent, if you are that type of parent just think about that…put your own feelings aside for awhile and think about the happiness of your child. And don’t assume that you know what makes your child happy, because you don’t.

Rant of the Night

“It doesn’t matter if it’s politically correct, all that matters is if it’s biblically correct.”

My fiance works with someone who I could not work with, and maybe I do work with someone like this. But due to the fact that you are not supposed to talk about politics or religion at work, on top of the fact that I’m not Facebook friends with any of my present co-workers; I do not know their personal opinions.

A few days ago she requested me as a friend on Facebook, and to be honest it stressed me out. My fiance is a lot better than I am at walking away from a situation. Because of the fact that the two of them were friends I was well aware of the type of shit that she posted.

When you stereotype the State of Nebraska there are three things that most people think about: corn, religion, or republicans. And let’s be honest, now of days religion and conservatism seems to go hand in hand. Why, I don’t fucking know.

My fiance and I are democratic. While I do have some republican values, they are far out weighted by the democratic values that I have.  And the few republican views that I do have are not based on my faith in God. And considering that I’m an Atheist…you’re not an idiot you can figure that out.

So I’m sitting in my room, my office/mancave,  Shannon just got home from work and while I’m going through iTunes making playlists Shannon is sitting on the couch in the family room looking at her phone and she says, “This is great babe, you want to know what Sarah posted?”

In the back of my mind I knew I didn’t want to know. But oddly I kind of did, and I wanted to let Shannon feel as is I cared what she had to say.

On a side note, as soon as I requested her as a Facebook friend I was quick to not only add her to my rejected list, so she could not see anything that I didn’t publicly post, but I also removed her from my timeline so I would not  see anything that she posted.

This person who is not merried, but has had sex many times thinks that the laws that we pass need to be bassed off of the Bible. “Because fuck everyone else, as long as the law is catered to my point of view it’s good enough for me”.

And under that reasoning we all need to gather outside of her house once she is merried and throw stones at her until she dies because she had sex before marriage and therefore will someday get merried without being a virgin.

Don’t look at me, I didn’t say anything bad; the Bible did.

The Night I Met Jesus.

6241773_18d6d28b59It was a lonely night, one of those cold and musty nights on the western side of Washington. I was sitting around the house with nothing to do, and no matter how many things I could do I felt like everything was boring. Play video games, nope. Watch TV, nope. Clean my room, nope. Clean the house, nope. Look at porn, nope. Smoke some pot, maybe, but I didn’t have any anyways.

Nothing seemed exciting, after a while I ended up laying on the couch watching Mythbusters while I drank a beer. All of a sudden I hear some people talking from outside of my apartment as the door knob shakes open. My roommate was home with a few friends. I was not expecting him or anyone else to show up.

It was a few days before, maybe even the day of Halloween. I should be out doing something, but I wasn’t, I was just sitting at home being a loner. Part of me was glad I didn’t decide to watch porn when Marcus, Denton, and their girlfriends – or one night stands – came walking through the front door. They were going to go to Seattle that night, but I think they decided not to when they remembered it was nine dollar beer night, or maybe it was their attempt to get some action later in the night.

They came in the front door, I remember looking at these girls with amazement in my eyes as they were both very attractive, both of them wearing some of the most provocative costumes you could only hope would end up on your bedroom floor while one or both of them would scream and moan with pleasure. I remember thinking to myself, “you lucky bastards,” as I look at the girls just to rotate my eyes to look at my friends who both had smiles on their faces as if they could sense what I was thinking.

As I’m staring at Marcus he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone as he dials a number. Part of me thinks he actually wanted to do something, the other part of me was thinking that he needed to keep the girls entertained so he could get naked with her later into the night. He was staring at his phone, pushing a button, a button, making the phone scroll down as he hit the center button and put the phone to the side of his face as both girls were laughing about something.

“Hey man what are you up to tonight, you got something going on at your house?”

Marcus was talking to one of his old roommates/old coworker/friend that I only knew in social circles. I could not hear what was being said on the phone, I really didn’t care, there were two hot ass chicks standing in my living room. One dressed as a catholic school girl and the other dressed like a witch, both of whom you would expect to see in some cheesy porno. Even though I knew that I didn’t have a shot with either of them I still didn’t want to seem like Mr. Creepy who was scanning their bodies just to put their mental image in my spank bank.

In an effort to not seem weird I stepped out back to have a cigarette. Denton came outside shorty after as the girls sat in side talking about whatever they were talking about while Marcus remained on the phone. Shortly after Denton came outside Marcus slid the back door open and said, “Hey you guys want to go to a party in Sumner?”

It was late, it was dark and cold; rain was coming down on the top of the car as brown and yellow leaves clogged up both sides of the street. We finally made it there, the house was full, over half of the party was wearing some kind of costume. Brand new people even kept showing up every half an hour after we got there.

Some guy was dressed up as a mummy, another dude was dressed up as a member of the Navy, most of the women were wearing costumes that looked as if they were brought at the local sex shop. On Halloween young men have candy that you eat, old men – maybe even women – have eye candy; most of whom are not afraid to show off just to get attention.

Being physically disabled at a house party I have a tendency to find a popular area of social activity, one that has a chair nearby so I can set up shop. If someone wants to talk to me they would have to come talk to me. At that time I could walk around better than I can now, but I still used my wheelchair if I was out of the house or even at work. The house had steps up the the front door and it was so packed with hot women and drunken men that if I attempted to take my wheelchair inside it would be like I was trying to fit a square block into a round hole. I could walk around the house, but it was still not my preferred method of travel.

I was sitting in the kitchen, talking to people, doing my own thing. At some point I ended up talking to this girl who was pretty average looking, but I did not find her that attractive until I stood up to go get another beer; she stood at about 4 feet 9 while I stood at about 5 feet 10. I don’t know why I dig short women, maybe it the fantasy I have about actually being able to pick them up by both butt cheeks and she wraps her legs around my waist while I stand up and have sex with her. But I’m disabled, I can’t stand up during sex yet alone pick anyone up. I don’t know if it’s that or just that I like shorter women.

The conversation, while it was awesome it didn’t go anywhere, her boyfriend was in the conversation too, all in all he was a pretty cool dude who was about two years younger than I was at the time.

Just like it has been happening every so often throughout the night new company arrived. It was two guys and one girl who was wearing purple fishnet stockings, purple high heels, a purple skirt that was so short that I think she was purposely trying to show off the very bottom of her butt, this blond hair blue eyed girl was even wearing a purple corset that made her cleavage stand out like Yao Ming in a room full of little people.

Sitting there in the kitchen I saw one of the men who showed up when he started walking towards the kitchen with a beer bottle in hand. I saw him heading my way, I was even thinking before I shouted across the house, “Hey yo, Jesus, fuck you man, I’m still handicapped dawg.”

As soon as I said that a few people laughed and thought it was actually funny. A few of them, who I’m assuming are religious, looked at me as if they were thinking, “Oh my God Becky, look at that butt…he is not supposed to say that because the Bible says so”.

First of all I’m an Atheist, I don’t care what your Bible says, I do not care how religious you are, if you’re happy doing your religious thing, more power to you, don’t let me stand in your way of finding that thing that makes you happy. But I really do not like those religious nuts who feel like they have the right to tell you how to live your life because they think different, and if you’re as “Christian” as you claim to be isn’t that up to God to judge, not you?

Anyhow Jesus came up to me and with a gentle tone to his voice said, “I’m sorry I failed you son, may you drink from the nectar of the Gods.” He put his hand under my chin and raised my head as he slowly poured some of his beer into my mouth as he finished by saying, “May you be healed my son.”

Talking Out Loud…Again

FB_IMG_1433825255301I just don’t know man, I don’t know what to talk about, but I feel like writing something is something to do to keep me busy.

Part of me doesn’t even feel like typing, because…I don’t know, nothing I got to say is too interesting.

I thought about a short story, but of what? If it actually happened to me then it might be more interesting from an outside perspective, but I don’t even know what that is. Part of me talks to myself because my best ideas happen on tangents of other ideas and/or thoughts.

My family…my extended family, the vast majority of them; and that’s a lot of people, my dad has two brothers and five sisters, some of those kids are older than me, those kids have kids, and some of those kids even have kids. And let’s not forget that I have a kid too, he is in another state, and…he will most likely go onto blend into a new family while at some point having his own kids.

Shannon grew up as a single child with a dad, a uncle, an aunt, a mom who is no longer with her dad, and one grandparent on each side. Her family is really small compared to mine.

Soon after I got back to Nebraska my parents invited a lot of the family down to Lincoln to…do family things and stuff. I remember looking at Shannon and saying, “Don’t be surprised if 50 people show up.” To which she responded, “there is no way your family is that big!”

“Even if fifty of them show up, that’s not even half of them.” A few hours passed and we were in my house with a good amount of family there, most of them being on my dads side.

A few years later the job my dad moved back to Nebraska for was not working out, and they did not hire me like promised, so my dad said, “Fuck it,” and took my mom with him back to Washington State were he took his old job. They liked him there, he is one damn smart engineer, so he got his job back easier than a liberal and a conservative arguing over same sex marriages.

So, my uncle, my dad’s second oldest brother, owns a farm in the middle of nowhere…like that’s hard to find in Nebraska. Every year, I think this is the 20th year of doing it, they have a huge get together for the fourth of July.

Which must mean they started when I was eleven years old, three years before I moved to Washington State. As a kid, it was fun, I was a kid, I didn’t know anything about politics and the differences between the areas of the country. I knew there were 49 other states, but I didn’t really know. Being in my little bubble of childhood I assumed Nebraska was the best place to live, now that I’m back in this state, at a much older age, I understand how much this state sucks. And we are not the only ones either.

I technically grew up in Washington, those years when kids develop who they are. by the time I was a senior in high school I had more friends than I’ve had in any of my previous years spent in Nebraska. I started to develop who I was as a person and shifted into a democrat. I’m also a minority, it kind of feels weird to say that, but we as disabled people are a minority, we might not be referred to as one, but we are.

I grew up as a religious kid, around my late teen years I became an Agnostic, years later I stopped lying to myself-thinking one thing, but going back on it later-and became an Atheist who believes that we are a random act of science that evolved over the past four and a half billion years.

I don’t fit well in Nebraska, I do not call this my home anymore. And my girlfriend has very similar beliefs as me. We do not fit well in “conservative country.” That’s why our ultimate goal is to move back to Oregon, where she was born.

When I got back to Nebraska from my sister’s wedding in Idaho I was told that I had a job, “Call us when you get back into the state.” I did, ended up talking to this guy who was not the guy I needed to be talking to, he asked, “What is your phone number, I will have Eric call you back as soon as possible, he is out of the office today.”

In Nebraska most people, the majority of them, only give seven numbers because the area code is so big and the towns are so small that more often that not, Joe Blow lives in the same area code as John Smith.

Being in Washington, with all the cities jam packed next to one other like that of a suitcase that is overfilled you get used to spitting out ten digits, people expect it, they will be really fucking confused if you only give them seven numbers.

“Area code 253…blah blah blah,” After a short pause he goes onto say, “Okay, I’ll make sure he calls you tomorrow,” he goes onto continue with, “What part of Washington are you from?”

I was not expecting him to know where the area code 253 was, but he did, so I happily said, “Tacoma.” In my mind I figured he just knew it because he Googled it or something, I wasn’t going to say that I was from Puyallup, so I went with the city that was most known near-by.

On a side note, everyone at work says I’m from Seattle, and no matter how many times I try to explain it, it’s always Seattle, I just accept it now.

“Really? Because I graduated from Puyallup High School in 96,” the only thing I could think to do was say, “No shit! I’m from Puyallup too, graduated from such and such high school in 2002.”  From that point on we had a short conversation about were he lived, where I lived, I missed Jack in the Box, he missed Taco Time, so on and so forth.

It was weird to work with someone in Nebraska who lived in downtown Puyallup while I lived one the other side of town. We would often have conversations while at work, where I would say, “Yea man, you know that Jack in the Box that is on 160th and Meridian?” While that sounds totally foreign to everyone else he’d just be like, “Yea man, I used to go there all the time.”

One day he popped into my office and I said, “You know what I hate most about this state?” Which was most likely not the best conversation to be having at work, in Nebraska nonetheless.

To which he took a wild, but correct guess, “Too many republicans.”

I don’t know if I want to go to the get together this year, some of my family is cool and while they are republicans, and don’t necessarily agree with you, they don’t shove it in your face either. But I do have those that believe every word of the Bible and are so hard nosed republicans, the type that believe with every ounce of their heart that politics and religion belong in the same ball park, the ones that will not shut up until until you believe what they do.

I’m uncomfortable going there knowing that over half of my family knows that I do not believe in God, and totally support any man that wants to marry another man, or any women that wants to marry another women.

Ed, he is the worst too. He’ll sit there and tell me that it is an abomination to have homosexual relations, and then when I rebuttal with, “God also told you not to wear clothes made out of more than one kind of fabric, or even plant two different kind of seeds in the same garden,” I get the classic, “We all sin, that’s why we ask for forgiveness”.

While I can sit there and argue with him until my head blows off, Shannon just wants to avoid any conversation about politics or religion. I think if we go we will end up dipping out early.

I would not be surprised if I hear something along the lines of, “This country ain’t free anymore, them gays can marry,” from one of my family members. I wound’t even be surprised if they didn’t play the Star Spangled Banner because of it.

I don’t know man, once again we are back to me not knowing, I don’t know if we should go. I feel like the black sheep of the family.

I can’t wait until I move.