Moving to Oregon!!!

(I’m writing this a few days after I posted this. There are a lot of grammar, spelling or incorrect words in this post; I do not feel like editing it right now…so just know, if you don’t, that I’m not that stupid, I just suck at editing my self before I hit post)

A few days ago I remembered doing something and a few minutes later I attempted to make a funny post about said memory. At the beginning of my relationship with my now fiance I took her on a last minute date to Mt. Rainier. While that was running thought my head I had a thought that hopefully would seem funny to those outside of The Midwest, or Nebraska.

I more or less posted:

Hey, Shannon remember that time I took you on a last minute date/adventure to Mt. Rainier? It was fun wasn’t it? Mr. Fox hanging out next to the car, the bathrooms were berried under snow (in the summer) and then after we got home I realized I could of got in for free.

We had lunch in the paradise parking lot and the entire time there was a gray fox sitting right next to my car starring at us. We didn’t feed it, but we wanted to; he or she was kinda cute just sitting ten feet away from my front door watching us eat in a non-violent manner.

And there is the issue that I can get into a national park for free based on the fact that I’m disabled.

What am I supposed to do in this state? Take you somewhere and be like, “This hill is the largest hill in this state and its peak is 20 feet high.” Or take you to a body of water and be like, “Hey look, it’s a body of water, I’m pretty sure its deepest point is less than 100 feet; and look, you can even see land on every side”.

So that was my attempt to make fun of my own state, the state I was born in but was away for for 15 years.

On another topic I went to go get gas today and had another thought which I will talk about more below, but based on that I had the idea to write top top reasons I’m excited to move to Oregon.

These are not in any particular order, but I tried to put the most important shit upfront, however they are all important to me and towards to end of the list I found myself asking if this was more important then that.

1. I’ll be closer to my kid

As some of you might know; my kid was born in 2003, around the summer of 2005 I was booted out of the house and moved back in with my parents. After that I got to see my kid every other weekend.

Shortly after I moved out, like right after…and I have a post called Restless Night if you care to read more about that.

Now…if you read that post you might already know. She spent no time jumping from boy to boy. Nine mouths later they were married. He was in the military; and if you know anything about Washington State…Ft. Lewis.

Anyhow because of said marriage my son spent the last ten years, starting at the age of 3, maybe 4 moving all over the country. Then his step-father got a job in Seattle, out of the military.

So now my kid is back in the state where he was born and when I move to the northern edge of Oregon I’ll be a 21 hour drive closer. So I’m looking forward to that, my son says he is too. We both suck at coming up with things to say, so our phone conversations are very little. Not because I don’t care about my kid, but due to awkward silence. And if I ask him questions or say something I still get “Okay,” “No,” “Yea,” “Cool,” so on and so forth, like where do I go from there

But being with him in person is different, he will talk your ear off…which I did at that age too.

I’m just hoping that his mom will let him come live me Shannon and I for 30 days during his summer break.

2. I’ll be closer to my friends.

This…I might not need to explain this either. If you dig into my blog there is plenty of information to tell you what I’m about to summarize.

When I was a kid in Nebraska, I was picked on…more so than most kids, yes we were kids, yes that what kids do…but 30 people every day. Then I moved to Washington State and that pretty much stopped.

I became more popular that I could have ever imagined. My soon to be best man at my wedding…I’ve known him since 1998, the year I moved there; granted he only hung out with me because he thought my sister was hot, but after he got to know me he stuck to me like adhesive.

My other friend, he sucks at giving speeches; he will not be making any speeches at my wedding. I’ve known him since 1998 too.

My friends in Washington…what else can I say.

3.  I’ll be closer to my family

Now, my dad has five sisters and had 2 brothers, 1 remaining; regardless of that it has spawned a huge family who mostly reside in Nebraska, a few in Iowa. But I don’t think of them as…people who are close to me, mainly due to religious and political difference which I might mention later on it this post.

I moved back to Nebraska a year after my father moved back to Nebraska. He offered me a job in Nebraska a year prior. If you know anything about my blog, you know my stance on how difficult it is for people with disabilities to find a job.

As much as I didn’t want to leave the state of Washington, I saw it as a foot in the door to the engineering field. In which I have two college degrees that focus of the line of work. After talking to my now fiance, she moved to Nebraska with me in the same hopes that I would walk into that door.

Which never happened. At that time the government had a shut down of manufacturing, and the company my dad worked for got all to most of its contracts though the U.S. government. And his boss, whenever you mentioned something to him that he didn’t want to talk about he would just act like the situation was not there.

So I lived in Nebraska hoping for a job that I never got. On a positive note I found a job similar to that and was employed for 19 months until I was laid off due to a loss in customers base.

Around that time my father received a call from his old boss (they really liked my dad and were sad to see him go). After a, “You sure you don’t want your job back,” conversation on the phone; he quit his job in Nebraska based on several factors, one of them being that his boss promised to hire me but acted like I didn’t exist, and moved back to Washington to take his old job.

So being able to drive up to the Tacoma area for holidays or just because would be awesome.

This last Christmas I stayed in Nebraska, mainly because neither I nor my parents could afford to fly me out. I was sitting at a dinner table with my fiance, 3 of my dad’s sisters, my closet cousin, and a few other family members. The men were in the family room watching a Seahawks game, which was great for me; and the women were all hanging out in the kitchen talking about whatever.

As I’m sitting there talking to my Aunt Sandy and Aunt Diana I hear them say, “Oh my God Daniel, you look, act, and talk just like Billy (my dad). That makes me feel good.

There are things me and my dad disagree on, him being a republican and me being a democrat; which I’ll speak about later, but I have always been closer to my father than my mother. Mainly because my dad, as much as he doesn’t want me to fuck up, realizes that sometimes I won’t learn if I don’t. As my mom…she tries to stop me from doing anything that she deems dangerous, like you know, driving to Taco Bell or going outside when she thinks I will fall.

4.  Mountains, ocean, and trees.

Before I knew that I was going to move back to Nebraska I had a coworker, who I ate lunch with and also knew that I was from Nebraska. He would ask me some of the dumbest shit ever, which was funny as hell and stupid as fuck, but he is still a friend, not a close friend, but someone I still talk to and would hang out with.

“Do black people live in Nebraska?” May I mention that he was black. To which my smartass response was, “Do white people live in Baltimore?” which is uneducated on my part, I never been to Maryland other then a field trip in middle school. But…I think you can understand what I was trying to get at.

“Do people in Nebraska listen to anything besides country music?” Another smartass reply came from such, “I don’t know man, do people in Seattle listen to anything other than Nirvana, Alice in Chains, and Soundgarden?”

“Are there any trees in Nebraska?” This honestly made me look at him and think, “What the fuck man.” “Yes, there are.” But after being back here for about 4 years now…I can understand when you take The Evergreen State and try to compare it to Nebraska, that’s like trying to compare me to a seven foot tall NBA player. Yes, we are both human beings, but there are very distinct difference the two.

I don’t know if I need to say anymore. Oregon has mountains, Nebraska does not. Oregon in on a the coast of the Pacific Ocean, Nebraska is not anywhere close to either ocean. And trees…Oregon is a giant ass forest with cities built in the middle, I’m so used to the Pacific Northwest type forest that when you take me to a plot of land in Nebraska and say, “This is a forest,” I can’t help but laugh at you.

5.  Different climate

Keep in mind when I reference Oregon I’m talking about the low land portion of Portland, not the eastern side or up in the mountains.

So in Nebraska, there are actually four seasons; Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall. In western Oregon there are only two; Rain and Summer.

In Nebraska it easier to distinguish the four season than it is in Oregon.

As far as Nebraska goes the winters average a temperature from 10-25, and it can get as low as -10. It’s common to see 6 to 12 inches of snow more then two times in a three month period. Spring starts to get warmer, all the trees that have no leaves start to grow leave again, the grass starts to turn back into a green from a brown. The average temperature can be anywhere for 30 to 70, and I love When it’s hot in the spring, reminds me of Washington summers.

Summer here, the average temperature is anywhere for 80-110, and there is no ocean, so there is so much humidity it the air that it feels like you’re in a 90 degree sauna with a 120 degree heat lamp that you can’t escape from. Then you get into the fall which is more or less the reverse of spring. Leaves die, your grass turns brown, its starting to get colder outside.

Oregon has four seasons too, but they are “closer together” than what you would experience in the Midwest. Winter might be anywhere from 15-30 degrees, but it’s raining. Spring might be anywhere form 40-70, and it might be raining then too. Summer is the best, and I think I’ve explained that already, it might rain; but for those 90 days, I love that, when it’s not raining the weather is fantastic. Then you get back into the fall which again is the same as spring, for the most part.

And let me say one thing about the rain: The rain in Oregon ain’t that bad. People associate it with Seattle, but it ain’t as bad as you might think. When someone says,” Oh yea, it will start raining on Monday and won’t stop until Saturday.” That sounds bad, but it’s not. Rain here is like standing under high pressure shower head for an hour compared to standing under a low pressure sprinkler for a week.

Rain might sprinkle on us for a week, but it dumps on you for an hour.

And humidity…come on man. If you’re in the Midwest picture a 90 degree day in the spring, take out the gusts of wind you get and then imagine that in August.

6.  Jack in the Box.

Some people hate the food at Jack in the Box, which I don’t understand, but whatever, people are allowed to feel anyway they want.

But…Breakfast at 6pm or dinner at 5am, need I say more? And a large menu with a lot of options.

Nebraska does not have a Jack in the Box, and it makes me sad. I have to drive 110 miles over to Kansas City, Kansas just to have Jack in the Box. Every time I’m up in that area one of the things I make a point to do, which might be more than once, is eat at Jack in the Box.

7.  Weed is legal

I could talk for hours about the legalization of marijuana, but I won’t…if you agree with me you know everything I’m going to say; and if you don’t you won’t care anyways. Both times in college I has to take an English class, both of them had the topic of a persuasive essay either 5,000 words or a 15 minute speech, both of those time I wrote about exactly that: The legalization of Marijuana.

Now, I’ve been away for so long that I’m not keeping up with the laws in said state. And when I left I didn’t live in Oregon anyhow.

Do you know how good it feels to say, “I was one of the many who voted to legalize relational marijuana in Washington,” when you live in one of the few states that does not even allow medicinal marijuana.

Say what you what, but Washington as well as Colorado showed a decease in violence, and traffic fatalities with a large, and I mean large, increase in state revenue that goes back to the states infrastructure.

And I’m pretty sure Oregon, all all the other state that passed it since 2012 will follow suit.

8.  I don’t have to pump my gas.

So my fiance’s my was out here to visit and while my fiance was at work I was driving around town from place to place to do some stuff with her mom, who is 50 something… I’m guessing, when we pulled up to a gas pump to get gas I asked, “Do you mind pumping the gas?” And She said, “I don’t know how to.”

After thinking about it for a few seconds it made sense to me, and I’m not trying to say she is less of a person because of it.

Do you know how many jobs are created in Oregon because of that? It’s against the law to pump your own gas. So that’s cool, but good luck getting gas at two in the morning. You might just have to cross the river and go to Vancouver, WA if you need gas at 2am.

As far as I go, I just got a new car, a car with the gas tank on the passenger side. And as time goes on its getting more difficult for me to walk. Yea, I know, there is a disabled button on gas pumps, but not many people use them and that being said the employees inside of the store are not used to it; every time I pushed it, nothing happened.

When I had a car with the gas pump on the drivers side, it was much easier for me to pump my own gas, but now I got to add the task of walking around the vehicle just to do it, then I got to walk back afterwards.

It’ll just be great to roll up to a gas station, I might have to wait in line, but I don’t have to get out of my car; I can either say “Fill it up,” or “Twenty bucks,” and it will be done for me.

9.  More democratic.

A few days ago I caught myself thinking, “Do republicans view Washington and Oregon the same way democrats view Texas?”

On a separate occasion I went to the movies with my fiance and one of the characters said, something along the lines of, “This is a small village, people don’t have that many issues do deal with.” And in the middle of the movie that got me to thinking about how smaller towns tend to be republican while larger ones tend to be more democratic.

And yes, there are republicans in Oregon; there are democrats in Nebraska. Lincoln and Omaha are the two largest cities in Nebraska, and that being said there are more democrats and more moderate republicans who understand that there are a lot of people here that deserve the same rights as everyone else, they all have different religions and backgrounds.

But you get outside of Lincoln or Omaha into smaller towns you tend to find people who think it’s okay to force people to be a certain religion, it’s okay to force kids to say the Pledge of Allegiance at school, it’s okay to deny a couple the right to marriage because of a religion that is not supposed to hold any legality and that everyone who doesn’t speak English should fucking get the fuck out; all of these make you think, “What the fuck is your problem.”

Now Oregon, specifically the Portland area is the same as Western Washington; as far as cities go. A bunch of cities all jam packed next to one another with very large and very diverse groups of people. And the republicans there, are surprisingly moderate. They might consider themselves to be financially republican but socially democratic.

I’ve heard a quote from a comedy special on Netflix where Trevor Noah said something along the lines of, “There are so many people in this world, once you start to travel from state to state, even country to country you start to understand how insignificant you are.”

I don’t know about you but I’d rather live somewhere where people allow you to live your life how you deem fit as long as you’re not being violent versus someone who is close minded and thinks everyone should be just like him or her.

10. Less religious.

I don’t know what I can say about this. I’d rather live somewhere where people don’t think your a violent people who kills children and drinks their blood just because you’re an Atheist.

Due to previous research I can tell you that – these stats might have changed – Mississippi is 7% Atheist, Nebraska is 14%, while Oregon and Washington are up in the 24 to 25% range.

I don’t care what you believe, you can believe in a giant lumberjack who has a blue Ox for all I care, but the moment that you try to effect my life, the education in schools, or the freedom that is in the first amendment, that is when I have a problem.

11.  Ikea, Fred Meyer, and others.

Fred Meyer is great, I don’t really know what to say; I miss it. It’s like going to a smaller bet better version of Walmart.

12.  More handicapped accessibility.

People here think that shit is handicapped accessible; but it’s not. Yea sure, I can get from here to there, but it’s not as easy. I mean like I can get around in a wheelchair, but it’s like the Midwest has this idea of…

“If we have to legally do it, I guess we will; but that’s as far as it goes. If you can get in and out of the store we fulfilled our legal responsibility. If you can get out of the door on the side of the building because a fire is blocking the door that you can enter, that ain’t our fault. And well if you cant get down to the street via a curb-cut, well that’s not our fault either; go over there and then come back this way. We don’t care about how easy it is, all we need to check off of our list is rather it can be done.”

I don’t expect to climb Mt. Hood in my wheelchair, but Oregon has a better idea of, “You’re here and you need to get there; you can go this way or that way.”

And if you’re from the Midwest and think I’m talking out of my ass, go borrow a wheelchair and live in in for 30 days. I grantee you smaller towns are not as accessible as bigger cities. And I’m sorry but, Lincoln ain’t as big as you think it is.

And keep in mind I’m very active, which is a weird adverb to relate to someone in a wheelchair. But I’m not just some dude that lives at home and doesn’t go anywhere, just because we can go over there and do this does not mean we don’t what to go over there and do that.

I’m just saying, larger populated areas seem to have a better grasp of said topic.

13.  Thrift Shopping

A few days ago I was listening to Seattle Rock Day on KISW and Maclemore’s Thrift Shop started playing, which was odd for that station; but made sense in the context. And that got me to thinking about how happy I would be to go thrift shopping in the PNW.

Thrift shopping in Nebraska is like going into a hoarders house and finding nothing that you want and then when you do find something that you think would be $3.99 you find out that they want $19.99 for a crumbled up piece of paper.

Portland and Seattle area thrift shops just have a much better selection, you can actually find what you want, and they don’t charge a ungodly amount of money for something that should be half of that price.

Everyone out here sales their shit, they don’t donate it. And when the sale it they thing it’s perfectly okay to ask for 75 to 100% of the price that they bought it for five years ago.

Video Games with Donald Trump

One night I was playing Madden 17, again. And afterwards I was fucking pissed and wanted to thrown my controller against the wall and blow up my house. Because once again I was playing against some fucking lucky asshole who fucking won the game 25 to 24 by doing stupid shit, that a coach would never do, but fucking this kid was lucky as fuck.

Once again I was playing an idiot at checkers as he kept picking up his chips and fucking slamming the back onto the table in random ass locations while I sat there and yelled at my TV, “How the fuck do you get away with that shit? I’m playing all the right plays based on the fact that you don’t seem to know your ass from a hole in the ground and you just fucking get away with that shit like its the easiest thing you have ever done.”

Then later that night I was laying in bed staring at my phone, this was around the time our fucking dumbass of a fucktard president starting his happy ass executive order bullshit, which…I don’t think any of them have done any good.

It was when he signed his name on shit he didn’t fucking read in the first place, and put the construction of the Dakota Pipeline back into play. That night I was laying in bed on Facebook, I just got done reading “fake news” about how fucking dumb our president is, and I posted on Facebook:

“Donald Trump is like that fucking dude you play Madden 17 with, the kid who decides that going for it on 4th&24 is the smartest idea ever. You know what, you might complete it, but it’s such a risk that you’re most likely going to end up turning it over to me due to an incomplete pass, a sack, an interception, or even a complete pass that doesn’t make it 24 yards. Good job dude, it might work, but if it doesn’t you just contaminated land with oil just because you have fucking ties to a oil company. And no one fucking asked you to be there anyways.”

A few nights ago I was playing Grand Theft Auto Online with one of my friends from Washington State. When we play Grand Theft Auto Online we play with the two of us, no one else. Why? Because everyone else who plays doesn’t seem to do anything besides buy guns just to run around with no rhyme or reason but to kill each other for no fucking reason.

When we play Grand Theft Auto Online we actually like to play co-op missions, and if we go to Freemode to buy food, clothes, weapon, or whatever else; we don’t wan’t to feel like we are being hunted by someone with nothing better to do.

Grand Theft Auto Online is updated all the time, the game is still being played by a lot of people and they make a shit ton of money based on micro-transactions. I never understood that, why do you want to spend real money on fake money?

The new updates seem to be focused on public games, I remember telling Jay, “Grand Theft Auto is not the same as it used to be man, it pisses me off.” But that didn’t seem to have any soft of impact on him until he said…

“Why can’t you access your office in a close friend session?”

Not knowing that much about it I responded by saying, “All these new updates are focused on public games and it seems like you can no longer enjoy the game unless you put yourself in a digital city of serial killers.”

The next day I was in the kitchen doing dishes, we do not have a dishwasher, but we do have a house that is up to A.D.A. regulations. That being said I can sit in my wheelchair for hours and do the dishes. Part of me likes doing the dishes, sometimes I’ll be doing the dishes for 4 hours, and I’m okay with that; gives me a good opportunity to listen to podcasts.

Most of the podcasts I listen to are based in Seattle and are part of ‘99.9 FM KISW the rock of Seattle’. I do listen to others that are atheist based such as ‘Cognitive Dissonance.’ Outside of that I enjoy Joe Rogan’s Podcast from time to time.

I remember a previous episode was talking about the movie Matrix, and from there the topic moved to the fact that the world is 4.5 billion years old even though 40% of Americans think the Earth is 6,000 years old. From that came the idea that 100 years of technology is a very small slice of time when it comes to the history of humans, as we scientifically know it.

That then led into the possibility of a reality that is all digital but is so real that unless your name is Morpheus you would not know otherwise.

So…I came upon a theory that scares me. For the sake of argument let’s assume that the world becomes a giant virtual reality system that feels and looks so real that if you want to go on vacation in Amsterdam and have unprotected sex with a dozen people all you would have to do is sit on your couch in the middle of Oregon.

Now what if you were able to disconnect from the system and go on about your life as you do, but when you connect to it you get put into a would with everyone else that is also connected? Do you think people would do whatever the fuck they want because there was no consequence to their actions?

Like…that got me thinking about those people who commit murder. Like who the fuck does that? Why the fuck would you do that?

But when you’re playing a video game everyone becomes a serial killer. Why? Are people really that much of an asshole?

Like if a Matrix type of video game reality ever exists would you have to wear tactical gear and take a AK-47 and a Desert Eagle with you to the gas station just because someone might try to kill you?

Like people can’t be that fucked up!

What separates real life from a video game? What if there was no separation between the two?

Do people understand that an asshole is an asshole regardless of the platform.

And this is what I was thinking when that guy picked up his checker chip, laughed at me, and then slammed it back to on the table in a random ass location; that just happened to be the right location based on mere luck.

Like…I fear that if that technology ever comes to be the digital world would be filled with people who take actions that don’t seem to make sense to anyone besides them, and will they feel bad because 40 people died in the process of them getting 50,000 dollars?

That’s why we need a president. But…he’s fucking dumb too. I think this is the first time that America has found itself as a CEO who hires a employee that can’t do his job even though he is a very good liar and just like a shady used car salesman he emotionally sold a 250,000 mile vehicle to people that thought they were buying a reliable mode of transportation.

There is No Picture

You know what? This is more or less a post where I can talk out loud. So here it goes…

So I grew up in Nebraska and many years before we moved to Washington State my sister and I would go to one of my aunt’s house. My Aunt Cathy who laid in bed all fucking day, and I do mean all day! She would sometimes eat dinner in there too.

At that time she was married to some guy named Pat. I don’t remember much about him but I do remember that he was a tall white dude with a full beard that was a grayish black. Many yeas later I came to find out that he was also an alcoholic.

For the most part when my sister and I went over there for unsupervised daycare I was usually stuck playing Lego’s and watching the old version of Scooby Doo. This pretty much went on until my dad’s sister’s kid’s would come home from school.

My dad has/had 2 brothers and 5 sisters. His sister Joyce has a son named John, John was always at Cathy’s house, so much so that I thought John was one of Cathy’s kids. When school got out I would expect Matt and John to come home, while they were both related they were not brothers. She also had two other sons and one daughter, they were older and must of lived elsewhere because I didn’t see them a lot.

Matt, John, and Jason were pretty much the ones who watched me while their mom/aunt stayed in bed all day.

Without going into more then I plan on, one of her kids is named Ed. And Many years later after being in another state for 15 years as well as forming my own opinions I came to the conclusion that some family members can be so stupid and judgmental that you grow to a point were you don’t want to be around them, and when you’re at the family BBQ at the cabin with 30 other family member’s…you see each other, but no one wants to talk to the other.

When we moved out to Washington State my sister was looking to fit in among her peers and that being so she turned to marijuana. I was still the kid who thought that marijuana would open the gates of hell.

Fast forward to the end of high school, like a year after I graduated (2003); I became a stoner who was slowly turning into an liberal atheist and she turned into the religious republican that still has some amount of Washington State progressiveness to her. For those of you who know Washington State, she now lives up where the Sandpeople do, Spokane. And we used to live 50 miles south of Seattle. Vast change in climate as well as religious and political outlook.

As religious as my sister is, and as religious as I’m not; we don’t seem to fight about it. She still has that idea that, someone can be who they are regardless, as long as you don’t try to force your lifestyle upon me…

My cousin Ed on the other hand, he turned into the stereotype of why I hate Nebraska. He is super religious and acts as if he hates everyone who doesn’t see things his way.

A few nights ago I’m laying in bed staring at my phone, looking at Facebook. As republican as she is, she shared a video that most democrats share. It was about ‘The Wall’ that fucking our dumdass of a fucktard president thinks is a great idea. The video went into several aspects of why a wall between borders would be a waste of money just for a sense of security that is more of less a feeling of false security.

I was shocked, happy, and curious that my sister shared this video so what do I do? I go deeper into that post to read the comments. Right away I see something that I don’t want to see but feel gravitated to look at.

There my cousin is saying, “Let’s protect our country first then reform our schools by putting God back where he belongs! Without a safe country, what good are schools?” The next comment is from my sister who has spent time in Mexico and as part of a church group built houses for those who could not afford to do so on their own accord. She said something that also caught me by surprise, “A wall is not the anwser.”

And me being me I focused on God, so I stick my head into a converstaion that I should not be part of and said, “Oh my… him…okay…” and in a sarcastic understanding behind it I continue with, “Because forcing religion upon an entire country of people is a great idea. Fascism never sounded so good.”

I more or less stayed out of the conversation that came afterwards, mainly because I left the comment at four in the morning and I was sleeping. More or less the conversation was: My cousin telling me that I was mad at God, my sister calling him out because he is an asshole even though he may not see it, my sister telling my cousin that she agreed with me, she loves illegal immigrants who work hard to get here, even thought they shouldn’t be, she loves both of us and doesn’t want family to fight, and then she called me out for stirring the pot and being just as bad but on the other end of the seesaw.

So what to I do? Comment with, “I‘m just saying that if you’re okay with the Bible being in school, you must be okay with the Quran, or the teachings of evolution…if you’re not, that my friend is not what religious freedom is. If you think it is you need to get a plane ticket to the Washington D.C. and go to the Capitol building, report back to me what the first amendment is.”

I don’t know if there is any point to this post. I just, every time I look at Facebook I just get really sad and makes me wonder, “When will these people wake the fuck up and say to themselves…who the fuck did I vote for?”

Even republicans can’t be this dumb. Like…what the fuck dude, you guys voted for someone who acts like a kid when someone on a TV show makes fun of him, and you thought that would have been an okay thing to do?

Let’s not mention the few things he did in the last few days that can or will have bad outcomes.



My Anger Turned Into An Addiction

So I got a problem, sometimes, actually every time I’m confronted with this issue I don’t know how to deal with it, but for some reason that anger has turned into an addiction that still causes me anger. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

I know not to get in that state of mind, but I keep doing it. Makes me wonder how others are able do it without being so angry for something so simple. I really do think I have a problem.

It’s not drugs, not alcohol, it’s a video game. Madden 16 to be more specific.

I started playing people online. In many ways it annoys me…but I keep doing it, over and over until I want to take my controller outside and pour lighter fluid on it just to watch it burn.

There are a few things that bother me about other people who play online. People who always go for it on 4th down, even 4th & 22…and they somehow get the first down every time. On one hand I’m saying, “If you win by playing that way, you win playing that way,” and the other part of me says, “What the fuck are you doing asshole.”

Then there are those people that go for a 2 point after every touchdown, that just pisses me off. And for those of you that can actually do it time after time…I just picture you sitting in front of your TV saying, “Ha ha, you fucking asshole, you suck at this game.” And all you do it shove it in my face.

I don’t even know what my record is…I think I got 22-35 or something like that. I’ve been going though streaks. I win a few in a row, then I lose a few in a row, then I win, then I lose.

I can’t really blame them, when I’m winning I just play, and I feel good at the same time. But I don’t do stupid shit like go for it on 4th & 5 or try a 2 point conversion when I don’t need to.

When I’m losing I turn into someone that I don’t like seeing. My heart beats really fast, my hands sweat, I actually feel like my life is part of that game for however long. Even if I’m winning.

Sometime I have room to chill out, like if it’s 21 to 3, then I can kinda stop trying to play and just keep running out the clock.

But if I’m losing I automatically assume they are the worst person on the planet. I’m not a violent person but I wish I could mod the game so every time they score my defender in the field goal block would pull out a gun and shoot the kicker.

That sounds really bad now that I actually say it, I’m not a violent person, I don’t wish violence on anybody. Even if they say all Mexicans are drug dealers that somehow steal our jobs without a social security number or want to ban everyone in a religion from entering the country because of a few bad people.

Something about that game and losing turns me into the worst person ever, and it’s just a God damn video game, why do I allow myself to feel like I want to turn on my mic and start yelling at them to tell they how shitty of a human being they are?

I’m not like that, why do I do it?

Part of wonders if it’s because I can’t physically play football. Like Marshawn Lynch didn’t get this mad when he lost because it’s all about that action boss. But they get paid, a lot, a lot of fucking money…even if they lose.

I don’t know…I guess I’ll stop playing…but I don’t want to…but I should…but I don’t want to…but it makes me angry…but its fun…but…


Talking Out Loud…Again

FB_IMG_1433825255301I just don’t know man, I don’t know what to talk about, but I feel like writing something is something to do to keep me busy.

Part of me doesn’t even feel like typing, because…I don’t know, nothing I got to say is too interesting.

I thought about a short story, but of what? If it actually happened to me then it might be more interesting from an outside perspective, but I don’t even know what that is. Part of me talks to myself because my best ideas happen on tangents of other ideas and/or thoughts.

My family…my extended family, the vast majority of them; and that’s a lot of people, my dad has two brothers and five sisters, some of those kids are older than me, those kids have kids, and some of those kids even have kids. And let’s not forget that I have a kid too, he is in another state, and…he will most likely go onto blend into a new family while at some point having his own kids.

Shannon grew up as a single child with a dad, a uncle, an aunt, a mom who is no longer with her dad, and one grandparent on each side. Her family is really small compared to mine.

Soon after I got back to Nebraska my parents invited a lot of the family down to Lincoln to…do family things and stuff. I remember looking at Shannon and saying, “Don’t be surprised if 50 people show up.” To which she responded, “there is no way your family is that big!”

“Even if fifty of them show up, that’s not even half of them.” A few hours passed and we were in my house with a good amount of family there, most of them being on my dads side.

A few years later the job my dad moved back to Nebraska for was not working out, and they did not hire me like promised, so my dad said, “Fuck it,” and took my mom with him back to Washington State were he took his old job. They liked him there, he is one damn smart engineer, so he got his job back easier than a liberal and a conservative arguing over same sex marriages.

So, my uncle, my dad’s second oldest brother, owns a farm in the middle of nowhere…like that’s hard to find in Nebraska. Every year, I think this is the 20th year of doing it, they have a huge get together for the fourth of July.

Which must mean they started when I was eleven years old, three years before I moved to Washington State. As a kid, it was fun, I was a kid, I didn’t know anything about politics and the differences between the areas of the country. I knew there were 49 other states, but I didn’t really know. Being in my little bubble of childhood I assumed Nebraska was the best place to live, now that I’m back in this state, at a much older age, I understand how much this state sucks. And we are not the only ones either.

I technically grew up in Washington, those years when kids develop who they are. by the time I was a senior in high school I had more friends than I’ve had in any of my previous years spent in Nebraska. I started to develop who I was as a person and shifted into a democrat. I’m also a minority, it kind of feels weird to say that, but we as disabled people are a minority, we might not be referred to as one, but we are.

I grew up as a religious kid, around my late teen years I became an Agnostic, years later I stopped lying to myself-thinking one thing, but going back on it later-and became an Atheist who believes that we are a random act of science that evolved over the past four and a half billion years.

I don’t fit well in Nebraska, I do not call this my home anymore. And my girlfriend has very similar beliefs as me. We do not fit well in “conservative country.” That’s why our ultimate goal is to move back to Oregon, where she was born.

When I got back to Nebraska from my sister’s wedding in Idaho I was told that I had a job, “Call us when you get back into the state.” I did, ended up talking to this guy who was not the guy I needed to be talking to, he asked, “What is your phone number, I will have Eric call you back as soon as possible, he is out of the office today.”

In Nebraska most people, the majority of them, only give seven numbers because the area code is so big and the towns are so small that more often that not, Joe Blow lives in the same area code as John Smith.

Being in Washington, with all the cities jam packed next to one other like that of a suitcase that is overfilled you get used to spitting out ten digits, people expect it, they will be really fucking confused if you only give them seven numbers.

“Area code 253…blah blah blah,” After a short pause he goes onto say, “Okay, I’ll make sure he calls you tomorrow,” he goes onto continue with, “What part of Washington are you from?”

I was not expecting him to know where the area code 253 was, but he did, so I happily said, “Tacoma.” In my mind I figured he just knew it because he Googled it or something, I wasn’t going to say that I was from Puyallup, so I went with the city that was most known near-by.

On a side note, everyone at work says I’m from Seattle, and no matter how many times I try to explain it, it’s always Seattle, I just accept it now.

“Really? Because I graduated from Puyallup High School in 96,” the only thing I could think to do was say, “No shit! I’m from Puyallup too, graduated from such and such high school in 2002.”  From that point on we had a short conversation about were he lived, where I lived, I missed Jack in the Box, he missed Taco Time, so on and so forth.

It was weird to work with someone in Nebraska who lived in downtown Puyallup while I lived one the other side of town. We would often have conversations while at work, where I would say, “Yea man, you know that Jack in the Box that is on 160th and Meridian?” While that sounds totally foreign to everyone else he’d just be like, “Yea man, I used to go there all the time.”

One day he popped into my office and I said, “You know what I hate most about this state?” Which was most likely not the best conversation to be having at work, in Nebraska nonetheless.

To which he took a wild, but correct guess, “Too many republicans.”

I don’t know if I want to go to the get together this year, some of my family is cool and while they are republicans, and don’t necessarily agree with you, they don’t shove it in your face either. But I do have those that believe every word of the Bible and are so hard nosed republicans, the type that believe with every ounce of their heart that politics and religion belong in the same ball park, the ones that will not shut up until until you believe what they do.

I’m uncomfortable going there knowing that over half of my family knows that I do not believe in God, and totally support any man that wants to marry another man, or any women that wants to marry another women.

Ed, he is the worst too. He’ll sit there and tell me that it is an abomination to have homosexual relations, and then when I rebuttal with, “God also told you not to wear clothes made out of more than one kind of fabric, or even plant two different kind of seeds in the same garden,” I get the classic, “We all sin, that’s why we ask for forgiveness”.

While I can sit there and argue with him until my head blows off, Shannon just wants to avoid any conversation about politics or religion. I think if we go we will end up dipping out early.

I would not be surprised if I hear something along the lines of, “This country ain’t free anymore, them gays can marry,” from one of my family members. I wound’t even be surprised if they didn’t play the Star Spangled Banner because of it.

I don’t know man, once again we are back to me not knowing, I don’t know if we should go. I feel like the black sheep of the family.

I can’t wait until I move.

Washington and Me

kpzUSSo, the last post I made, at this moment in time got 7 likes, and even one comment. So something must have been interesting about it. I even got a few followers. A few days ago I was sitting here, or there; wherever I was at the time. I was looking though my followers and noticed some girl following me, and being a guy I couldn’t stop myself from thinking, “damn that chick is hot.” For the followers I do have, thank you for thinking I talk about shit that you seem to care about.

Maybe people just like when I talk to myself, which I’m kinda doing now. I never got 7 likes on a post before…I think. I don’t even know what to type/talk about; I’m just kinda filling down time at work by talking about whatever I guess.

I do feel bad that I’m sitting here at work, in my office listening to Metallica and staring at three computer monitors, the three monitors are all hooked up to the same computer, but the fact that I’m  getting paid for doing nothing remains true.

That doesn’t make me a good employee, but it’s not like I’m not trying to work. I don’t have any parts to model in Solidworks or any parts that are coming back to me to dimensionally inspect.

So, where was I? I just went on a smoke break to bullshit with coworkers for a few. But I’m going to stop talking about work, because if I say too much I might get fired; I doubt it, but better to be safe than sorry I guess.

See, I’m kinda lost I don’t know what to talk about. “Ohhhhh System of a Down is playing now.” I kinda like this song man, if you listen to something catchy you grow to like it. Anyhow…stuff is cool and shit.

Sorry if I sound random, hey look it’s an elephant.

Or make any grammar errors. If you wnat too clal me stpiud beacsue I’m tpying lkie this be my guest. If you think I’m an idiot..I guess it is what it is.

I got made fun of so much back in the day that I don’t really care what someone else might think. I learned the hard way that trying to fit in or prove to someone else you’re not who they think you are is a waste of your time. Life is about you, not them. I’m not trying to make that sound like I don’t care about people, because I do; all I guess I’m trying to say is, people who don’t like you don’t like you, it’s a waste of time to fit in somewhere that you don’t belong.

The funny thing about that which I didn’t find out until high school was if you stop trying to fit in, the people you fit with will find you.

In Nebraska I was made fun of my 30 people, every day. In high school and even after graduation I was the popular outcast. It was cool to me, I never been that popular. I went from having 6 friends and 30 bullies to a kid with about 40 friends and 0 bullies. It was awesome, might not seem like 40 friends was that much, but considering where I came from it was like stepping from  a black and white television show into a colored one.

That the main reason I love Washington State so much. I might live in Nebraska again, but I definitely do not call it home anymore.   After living in Nebraska for a while, after being gone for 15 years, I came to understand how much this state sucks.

And the majority of my friends are in Washington State, the western side of it. If you have never been to Washington State you got to understand the eastern side of the state is vastly different than the western side. It’s like going from a rainy forest at an elevation close to sea level to a dessert that is about 2,000 feet higher.

And I had a 14,410 foot tall peak in my backyard, how cool is that?

I miss trees man; I didn’t think I’d miss evergreen tress so much. After visiting the Tacoma area last Christmas I realized a few things: Jack in the Box is the best fast food joint ever, mainly because Nebraska doesn’t have a single one anywhere in the state; and you can order breakfast food at 6:00pm if you feel like doing so.

I miss mountains too. Nebraska is flat, well like 50 foot elevation changes here and there but it’s not like you’re descending a 400 foot hill every morning on your way to work.

Man, I was 14 years old in 1998 when I moved to the Pacific Northwest; I was 30, maybe 29, when I moved back to the Mid-West. You know, those years when people figure out where they stand on politics and religion. I went from Liberal country back to Republican country.

I even know a lot of republicans from Western Washington, but that state is generally more progressive than that of Nebraska.

I miss that state man.

I don’t really know what else to say, so I guess I’m going to go find something to do. Until next time, same blond hair, same disabled channel.

3 Things I Believe


I have not posted anything in the ‘How I Feel’ section lately, and I got inspiration when I saw this Daily Prompt.

So here goes nothing, they asked and I’m answering the question, I’m not trying to offend anyone by the way, if that happens I’m sorry that my feelings pissed you off so much.

1. There is not a God

If someone wants to believe in God, good for you. If you’re happy doing it, then by all means chase the thing that makes you happy. I totally support the freedom of religion, but at the same time I also do not think that God or any other religious icon has anything to do with any sort of business, other than church.

Speaking of that, churches should pay taxes. Do you know how much they steal from us because they don’t have to pay taxes?

The whole idea that a book that was intended to spread peace and harmony, and at the same time can spread so much hate towards a certain group of people is unfathomable to me.

Did you know that Ken Ham is now spending a shit ton of money to build a life-size version of a ‘fictional’ Noah’s Ark the will never float, and can’t even scientifically float if they were to build it with the same technology that was available a long ass time ago. That tons of money can be used to feed the hungry. Isn’t that what God would want?

If it happens to interest you, you can go back to my other article ‘Why I Became an Atheist’.

May I end the topic by quoting Bill Nye and say, “we have tress older than you think the earth is”. 

2. Political parties are dividing people.

At least in America, that’s all I know, so I’m not going to try to start talking about a country that I do not live in.

Most people relate more to one side of the political parties versus the other one, but the majority of us are somewhere in the middle.

I guess the easiest way to explain it would be to use me as an example by telling you I’m more of a Democrat than a Republican.

Recently one of the most famous things Democrats have been trying to do is take high-powered rifles away from those who can legally own one.

While I might consider myself to be more of a Democrat, I fully support the rights for any resisted gun owner to owe whatever the fuck he wants to.

Other than like Grenade Launchers and shit.

A while ago there was a post on Facebook that came from a news station out of Seattle. They were asking people their opinions on rather smoking in the car around your son or daughter should be illegal.

While I agree that it’s not good for one’s health to be around secondhand smoke, it’s not the government’s job to tell me how I can or can not raise my kid!

I might be drifting off of subject, but once someone becomes a president they don’t fucking care about anything besides your vote! What they said two years ago as a member of congress may not be the same now that they are president.

And then you got Facebook, and well Facebook just gave everyone a bigger stage to say whatever they want to.

I’ve been called a fucking idiot on Facebook for saying something Democratic that I didn’t consider to be offensive, but some fucktard took it that way and became super defensive about how conservatives know how to run this country better than liberals.

No one in office fucking knows either, sorry for ‘using bad words’ so much by the way. They just happen to have the power to make shit happen that you either agree with or you don’t.

Everyone is smeared somewhere in the middle of the two political parties. We need to stop letting social media tear us apart.

I’m very much of a ‘whatever floats your boat’ type of guy, if something makes you happy then by all means go do it. As long as you’re not violently causing harm to another person, who the fuck am I to tell you how to be happy?

On the other hand if you come up to me and tell me that the Bible says we should kill homosexuals so therefore they do not deserve the rights to marriage. I’d have a very hard time walking away from that.

I don’t even think I made a point….whatever

3. I know what the fifth dimension is.

I hit on the top two things that I believe in and I can not really think of one that is as important to me the two I have just talked about, and I kinda went off on tangents while explaining myself; so I might have ended up explaining more than just two.

So… in an attempt to add some humor I’m going to tell you one of my theories that I came up with when I was stoned like four or five years ago, to add even more, or attempt to add , humor to my explanation I’m going to talk like a stereotypical stoner.

Sorry for all the “bad words,” if there are any, and sorry to all of you who smoke pot, I’m not trying to make you look less intelligent than anyone else.

So check this shit out man, I totally know what the fifth dimension is, it’s a paradox man.

The first dimension is the X axis, the second is the Y axis, right?

Then the third is the Z axis, and that can make a three-dimensional object and shit. Like your keyboard or whatever is anywhere around you.

Then we got the fourth dimension which is time. That more or less says that if you throw a baseball the 3D object will exist thought time in different locations in space. Therefore giving us what many scientists call space and time.

Okay dude, so like if I’m correct and shit there is a separate theory by Albert Einstein known as the String Theory, if I read correctly that theory was thrown out by a lot of people in the scientific community.

The String Theory says that straight line, such as the time line, is not an infinite line. That line has a wide arc to it and will end up in the same place it started.

So like, listen to this shit bro. Like let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that the timeline was only 24 hours.

Okay, so lets say that you have a DVD case, and you never touch it or move it. You set that shit on the table at 00:00.00 and it sits there all fucking day. At 23:59.59 is is still there, right?

But this little scaled down time line we are using just met it self, the end of the line just ran into the beginning of that line.

The DVD case now re-creates itself in the same place

But there can not be two 3D objects in the same place at the same time, so therefore one destroys the other, right?

So like this is some weird ass trippy shit dude. If the case that was there in the first place is no longer there, how did it even get there?

It’s kinda like that damn question. If you go back in time and kill your mom, how could you of gone back in time in the first place?

I know this was a dumb ass theory I came up with when I was stoned, but a lot of my friends that I explained it to were not only laughing at me but were also like, “oh damn dude, that makes sense in a weird way.”

No, it’s not something I believe with all of my heart, but makes one think nonetheless. It’s just my attempt to add some humor after telling you the first two things that I believe in.

I’m sure I could have came up with a third one, but I felt like I needed to be more lighthearted and whatnot.

So there ya go.