Proud of Thy Self.

Okay, so before I get into this let me give you a little background. I used to have a job located in Auburn, WA. During my employment there I had a coworker who became someone who I had to train, this individual frustrated the fuck out of me.

To this day I remember the day he tried to take a pad off of a die grinder without holding the shaft stationary. It was like he was trying to unscrew a nut from a bolt without holding the bolt, so all he was doing was turning a object in circles and not making any progress other than looking like an idiot who probably shouldn’t have that job in the first place.

I also had another coworker, who I talked to, but didn’t really care to hang out with.

Throughout the years the second coworker, who no longer lived in the same state as me found me on Facebook just based on the fact that he and I liked the same radio station/Facebook page. He commented on one of my posts on their page, it caught me off guard but was cool nonetheless.

Getting back to the first employee I mentioned, on the day I said, “If he doesn’t want to pay attention and at least pretend that he is learning something, I’m not going to try to teach him anything.” I said it in anger, and I probably shouldn’t have, he was a nice kid who was more than willing to do his job, but didn’t seem to grasp at the most basic idea.

This guy is Facebook friends with the other guy. After I stopped caring to try to teach him and just told him shit without any explanation they moved him to the other side of the shop; same department, different area. So guy 2 ended up training guy 1 and therefore ended up as friends on Facebook.

I typically never add coworkers to Facebook until I don’t work with them, I don’t want them to know too much about me.

As soon as guy 2 found me on Facebook, I get a friend request from guy 1. Whatever, I don’t care, it’s not like I’m trying to avoid him. And I come to find out that he now lives in Oregon, and at that time I was about 1 year away from moving to Oregon.

Fast forward to August 5th, 2017; I share something on Facebook about how it’s cool if you rape someone, kill someone, get in a fight the requires police action, hit your wife, or do copious amounts of drugs when you’re in the NFL  but if you sit down you’re the worst player in the history of the NFL.

So…A conversation with guy 1 came out of the woodwork, we will call guy 1 ‘Steve.’ While it was a fairly short conversation, I was proud of myself for being so clear and concise with my way of thinking. I will refer to myself in the third person, kind of. I will even edit his comments to appear as is he knows how to use words properly.

Steve: This post is so stupid. So you’re okay with people in America not standing for our flag that your founding fathers fought for?

If you’re a fan of the NFL, you know what I’m talking about so I’m not even going to share the picture. But if for some reason you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll let you know if you ask.

Daniel:Yes.

Like…really, you’re going to ask me that? After the initial “what the fuck” moment I added onto it by saying…

Daniel: Since when did they not have the right to choose not to stand?

Which sounds kinda weird because, I feel like, the word ‘not’ creates a double negative.

Steve: If they are living in the U.S.A., playing an American sport, they should show their respect to our country and its military.

Okay, so I wasn’t really going to fight him there, that…while related that was not my focus, but I was getting ready to go this road if that is where he wanted to go.

So I asked a basic question.

Daniel: Do they have to?

I figured, if you’re going to go down the route let’s try to figure out why you’re not okay with it.

I leaned that when you talk to someone who has an opposing view to yours it’s a good thing to find out where they are coming from. Hopefully force them to look at themselves instead of just telling them why they are wrong.

Steve:No body has to do anything but people have the right to lose respect for that person who won’t even show respect to their country

He more or less said what I was hoping he would, but man…a right and a freedom are two different things. While I can see a connection between to two it’s not like they stood up in 1776 and say, “Now hear this, it is your right as an American citizen to loose respect for people.”

But that did make me take the question to its next logical point.

Daniel: And the other crimes are okay?

To which he responded just as I hoped.

Steve: No they are not okay, look at O.J. and Arron Hernandez; they are in prison and because of it don’t have fans anymore.

At this point I asked myself if he knew what was going on it the world but that is beside the point.

I go onto say…

Daniel:Okay, so yes, while people have the freedom to dislike whoever, for whatever; it is massively skewed. He has the freedom to not stand because of what he deems to be an injustice. It just bothers me when all these people loose their shit because he remained within the guidelines of the law without being violent or hostel while trying to shine light on an issue that needed more exposure.

Before he could reply to that I said… But in terms of keeping the conversation in-line he said…

Steve: There are other ways to shine light. I just think it’s very disrespectful to our country and our men, they fought for our country so he can play football and he won’t even stand and show respect.

But before I replied to that I said…

Daniel: Now, if you stand for a country who is doing something that you don’t agree with, is that freedom of speech or expression? Who is the fucked up person in that situation?

I was not expecting a response from that, I just left it as something he can ponder. But I did reply to his last statement by saying…

Daniel: They fought for you to have freedom, the freedom not to.

He ended up liking that comment. I could tell he wasn’t trying to fight, neither was I.

Steve: That’s true. I just feel it’s a matter of respect.

Okay, so I took that, his definition of respect a little bit further. It was also my last comment.

Daniel: Okay, so…choosing to act in a non-violent manner about something that you disagree with is a sign of respect. Choosing to not stand is a sign of respect. They, if you want to call it that, they fought for…I could totally do a research paper on why we separated from Britain. Regardless, not standing; which is your freedom based upon a right that all American citizens have, is…showing respect. 

You have the freedom to, therefore exercising that freedom is showing respect for your country. A country and “the men” who gave you that freedom, the freedom to make a choice without being killed and vilified for doing so.

Now, blindly standing because it was beaten into your head as a kid… does that show me that you fully understand the freedom that you and all Americans have?

Are they standing because they choose to or because they were told to? And is that freedom?

And that’s that, I was actually proud that I was able to speak my point of view without sounding like an idiot who was just shouting meaningless words. And…now I’m going to go get out of my wheelchair and play Fallout 4.

Maybe I’ll get a little “some some” if I go hang out with my fiance for a few minutes.

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Obligatory Football Posting

So…As some of you might know, playing digital football has become an addiction of mine. As much as I yell at my TV and feel like the worst excuse for a human being who wants to go outside and pour lighter fluid all over his controller and watch it burn in the driveway when I’m losing a game, I keep playing.

I can’t stop, well I can…I think, but I don’t want to. And it’s not an addiction as if I don’t take care of my life or whatever; but when I’m winning, damn I feel good. And if the score is close my heart beats so fast, I feel like I just got done running, which I don’t think I’ve done in the past 20 to 25 years.

So as of March 24th 2017 at 5 o’clock p.m. Central Standard Time I have played 318 online games against other people, I’ve won 180 of those which means that 138 of them resulted in a loss. Which means I won 56.6% of the games that I played against random people.

For the longest time I did not have a rating and I did not understand how someone with a record of 120-140 could be ranked when someone else with a record of 140-120 could not even be ranked. I still don’t understand it.

As you might know, or can make an educated guess at, I play as the Seattle Seahawks and I have for the last 318 games. It’s my team, I don’t care how bad they might be; hell…Matt Hasselbeck could still be our QB and guess what, it won’t change. You could say this player is better than that player, but I don’t really care; is he wearing a Seahawks jersey?

See now…if Marshawn Lynch comes back to the NFL as a Oakland Raider that is…I don’t know man.

Anyhow, I got done playing a game one night and it finally gave me a ranking, it’s got slightly better in the past two days. According to the game I’m ranked 7,053 out of 100,000 players. That feels really good, probably better than it should; not many people are going to be like, “Oh look at that kid.” They are just going to see my gamer tag next to numbers that most likely won’t mean much to them.

And, honestly I don’t feel like I’m…deserving of that many wins when you take into account that if you quit the game, you lose; if they quit the game you win. I have a few wins that are just wins because the other person didn’t even snap the ball and he was forced to forfeit due to excessive grieving, which means they got 3 penalties in a row.

I also have a few loses because my modem decided to take a shit, and if I left the game, which is what happens when you lose internet connection, then you lose.

Then you got to account for the fact that the majority of players do dumb shit that a coach would never do unless he was trying to lose his job. They go for it on 4th&25, they fake a field goal on the 4th down when they are 70 yards away from the goal post. That being said some of those games don’t even feel like a competition.

And then you get those players who do dumb shit, but for some fucking reason get away with it every time. Sometimes I keep playing them and say, “They’ll fuck up sooner or later.” But when they don’t and I’m losing 21 to 0 in the second half, that is when I quit.

But I guess I’m way better than I thought, I’m in the top 7.1% of the top 100,000 players.

So…don’t ask me why the picture says my rank is 0-0; I’ll just make an educated guess and say that the system is slow at updating.

I Don’t Know You!

I mentioned this in a previous post, a few of them actually. I take Madden way too far, like why do I do this to myself, it’s just a goddamn video game right? So let me paint a picture for you.

Did you ever have that type of day where you wake up in the morning and you feel rather okay about the day, you don’t have any depression but at the same time you feel as if you’re not super excited about the unknown events of the day. You just put your clothes on, tie your shoes, lock the front door, get into your car and think to yourself, “Well, here it goes…just another day of doing the same goddamn thing that I did yesterday.”

But when you’re on your way to work the car in front of you blows up in a fiery explosion that has no sort of explanation as to why. It just happened, right in front of you on a day that seemed fairly normal. You spend the rest of your drive to work thinking, “That was so fucking odd, but it could have been worse, if only I was one-hundred feet ahead of my current location.”

Later that day you’re enjoying the day thinking to yourself that everything is okay because you’re still alive when your boss taps you on the shoulder and says, “Can you come into my office so we can talk?” You end up following him in to his office just to be told, “You’re a shitty employee and we’re going to fire you for no fucking reason, and we not going to pay you either.”

While unrealistic and highly illegal it, just imagine it; how would you feel?

On your way home, you’re sad, you’re depressed, you just don’t know what the fuck you’re going to do; you’re just about to give up and say, “Fuck it, I don’t care anymore.” You’re about to just give up when you get this odd feeling that you want to live this day over and over like you’re Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, you have an odd feeling that you can change the events of the day and just as you feel slightly better about your situation a vehicle traveling fifty miles per hour heading towards you enters your lane and heads your direction.

Just as you miss this vehicle by mere inches you look out your drivers side window to notice two things happening…you’re not only falling in a ditch but your tire is also rolling away from you as you think to yourself, “I can’t do anything right; what the fuck did I do do deserve this?”

And then you wake up in the morning to notice that your repeating the events of yesterday but you do have the ability to change the events of the day as you think to yourself, “Okay, today is going to be different.”

Okay, you ever have that moment where you feel like shit and everything you seem to do goes against you, but at the same time you keep repeating that event based on the fact that it can be different and when it’s going your way you feel like nothing can touch you, you feel like Superman as someone laughs at him and says, “I bet you can’t jump two feet in the air.”

Put that feeling into a video game, that might not make sense to a lot of people; but it happens, it happens to me.

One night Shannon came home and I was sitting here with my head rested in my hand that was propped up with the use of my leg. I was staring at the ground while Madden 17 was playing in front of me as the opposing them just passed it for fifty-seven yards and ran it in for a touchdown when they decided to go for it on 4th&32.

She could tell I was upset, angry, sad, reclusive, and all those other emotions that go along with anger. She asked, “Why the fuck do you play this game if it makes you feel like this?”

“Because I enjoy it more then half of the time.”

“Well when you’re all fucking pissy about a goddamn video game, you’re not the only one that is effected, just think about that.”

It’s like my dad fixing a car. My dad grew up poor and worked at a junkyard. His stories might be a little untrue, but from other accounts I know what is true, but I do not know what is false. At one point he had a 1969 Dodge Charger, other then being the most classic car ever, at that time it was green with a yellow top and the paint was highly faded. It’s not like he was taking it to car shows, at that time it was just a cool ass car that he put together from other parts that he found laying around in the junk yard. If I remember correctly the Charger went through seven different engines, fourteen different transmissions, and about forty different sets of tires.

By the time my dad went into the Marines and his cousin, who he doesn’t talk to anymore, sold his car for drug money. His Charger had a huge blower popping out of the hood that help the engine in the production of seven hundred horsepower.

Point is…I remember being a kid and hanging out in the garage with my dad as he worked on his 1984 Pontiac Firebird while holding his tongue and throwing shit at the walls. Twenty some years later I could be hanging out with my dad while he is working on the boat he has been building/manufacturing for the past five years as he sits there and say. “You motherfucking piece of fucking shit, go into the fucking hole, you’re not supposed to not work.”

He can love something at yell too.

So today, I start playing Madden…again. At that time I had a record of one hundred twenty-three wins and eighty loses. So I go into the game feeling pretty good thinking, “I win sixty point five percent of the time.”

It didn’t take me long to realize what type of player that I was playing. Before I go any further I’ll tell you a metaphor that I came up with one night.

I’m not the best player ever, there are many others who are actually better then me, but playing me on madden 17 is like trying to play someone who wants to play checkers on a chessboard. I might not understand the best formations, what they might do, what someone else’s formation might mean, so on and so forth. But when you’re playing checkers against an idiot who picks up his chips and slams them back down in random locations, you just end up shaking your head saying, “This is not how you play this game,” and you just sit there and watch yourself win with minimal effort as they keep doing shit that they think is the smartest idea they ever had.

I was playing this guy who…like all others low ranking players, rush their offense, always go for it on forth down regardless of the distance or the location on the field, pass it for more than thirty yards. He was just lucky as fuck. He was pissing me off too.

I was playing some dude who didn’t seem to know what strategy was, that must have been a foreign concept to him. He kept slamming his chips back down in random locations, it just happened to be the right location every time.

And people who rush their offense bother the fuck out of me, and I’ll tell you why. You only have three timeouts per half, I can’t afford to use timeouts just so I can pick a new play. Of course I can choose an audible, but there are only six of them and he might know all of them and can figure out what to do based on where your players go based on the change of formation.

Eventually I quit, normally when I play this type of player I can own him up and down the field. But he kept doing dumb shit and was lucky every time, and I was limited on what play I was going to run next.

I just didn’t care to play him anymore. so I ran into the back field and gave myself a flag on the play just so I could pause it and quit…yea, sure, he got a win but whatever, I just didn’t want to play him.

I don’t mind losing against someone who actually…knows how the fuck to play without being a lucky asshole.

A few minutes later I get a message from him that says, “Wtf bro, you that bad?”

I don’t know why I let trolls brother me either, I don’t know him, why the fuck should I care?

I reply, “What’s your record?” thinking, “There is no way in hell he has more than forty-three wins over his loses.”

Sometimes when a game is ended by either you, or them, your game does not update and you can not see their record, so I didn’t know what his record was…just based on his play style I can make a pretty safe assumption.

And he kept sending me messages where he was not only calling me a idiot loser who should sell his game but he was probably lying to me just to make himself feel justified for being an asshole.

I didn’t send him anything else but ended up blocking him as I was thinking, “Do you have anything better to do with your time, shouldn’t you be in school?”

I just had to bitch to someone, take it or leave it. I don’t even know how to finish this post that just sounds like a dude bitching about a video game.

I Wish

It was 11:57 at night after looking back up at my TV/computer monitor that was sitting on the post game screen of Madden 17.

Last night I was having an excellent time playing Madden 17 and I’m currently on a nine game winning streak, and that’s only because some dude playing as the New England Patriots thought that going for it on 4th down was the smartest idea he ever had.

I can’t act like this kid wasn’t lucky, he was, he just kept doing stupid shit. He was so lucky that he was winning by two points, not two possessions, two points in the fourth quarter. when there was thirty seconds left in the forth quarter and he could of won by doing nothing…he had the smartest idea ever.

He passed the ball to one of my players who intercepted it in field goal range…and me being the type that doesn’t do stupid shit, I slowly made it 1, 2 ,6, or 7 yards up the field, I wasn’t trying to get a touchdown.

With four seconds left on the clock I win the game 19 to 18.

So the fact that I have 97 wins and 64 loses is because no one seems to understand that they take risks that make me shake my head at the TV and say, “Are you fucking stupid?”

Maybe I take the game too seriously, it’s just a video game right? I’ve been thinking about that. When it’s a close game my heart beats super fast, I have not felt that since I was a kid in elementary school who used to be able to run.

If I’m winning I feel rather good about it, and if I’m losing I’m the type of guy who wants to take his controller outside and pour lighter fluid on it while I watch it burn in the driveway.

So yea, maybe I do take it too far…maybe it just gets my heart going which…for someone in a wheelchair…

Anyhow I get done with a game and I think, “I can fucking go to the store.” My fiance is currently in Oregon seeing her family. So I got the house to myself as I continued that thought with, “No one is stopping me.”

The store by my house used to be open 24 hours, but now they close at midnight. So after looking that up on my phone I said out loud, “But Hyvee is open all fucking night.”

Then I looked up from my phone and saw a bottle of whiskey that I’ve been drinking most of the night and out loud I said, “Nope, I’m not fucking going now.” I then continued the idea in my head thinking: If I get a DUI tonight…that would be the worst thing ever. I can’t really afford car insurance now, I don’t need it to go up by getting SR-22, I can’t afford a lawyer, I don’t want to call my dad and tell his that he has to fund the fact that I fucked up, which he might not do anyhow. I need to go to the airport in X amount of days, what if I don’t have a car. I’m about to move to Oregon, what if I don’t have a car. What if I get a parole officer who says, “You can’t leave the state of Nebraska.”

And if I do end up in court…I don’t want my disability to become a question of rather I can even drive. A lawyer will use anything to win, fuck if it’s irrelevant to the case…they don’t know any better, and when my disability effects everybody differently it’s hard to scientifically predict what might happen just because someone else was effected that way.

So, “Nope, I don’t need trash bags that bad, I can wait until tomorrow.”

Unfortunately one of my best friends in Washington is on 1 year of house arrest with work release and 2 more years of probation due to his second DUI that almost killed him and totaled his SUV when it flipped over and ran into a tree. My other friend, no matter how stupid he might be…is still my friend who thinks that if he goes driving drunk he will never get caught, even thought he already did.

I just remember looking at my half empty bottle of whiskey thinking, “I wish more of my friends thought this way.”

What the Fuck!

You would think people are smart. You hope so right? I mean, people can’t be that stupid, can they? Sadly they are.

I’m not the best at football, hell I’m in a wheelchair and I can’t even physically play football, or you know like…walk. I’m not a coach, I don’t know what formation is better than another, I have a difficult time telling what someone might do based upon their formation. But I’m starting to learn.

And strategy plays a big part too. In the worst case scenario, don’t be fucking stupid.

I just got Madden 17 as a birthday present. I bought Madden 16 about a year prior. And I grew to like it a lot more then I thought I would have when I started playing people online to find out that I could actually fucking play.

Modern Warfare…now that’s a game I can’t play online. I run around like a chicken who can’t find his dick and lost his head. Then I just get sad, depressed, and angry that I’m not as fast as Joe Blow over there. And every time I think I’m about to shoot someone here comes a bullet in my the back of my head.

But football is actually a game that I can play; I lose some, but I actually fucking win too.

I finally understand how you could get so pissed at someone that you don’t even know and end up yelling some stupid shit to yourself like, “Fuck you, you goddamn piece of shit motherfucker, you didn’t have that ball and my player should fucking shoot your kicker because you’re a piece of shit.”

But I don’t really feel that way, so why I do in that “zone” is weird.

My score on Madden 16 was about 180-160 or something like that, the numbers might be different but I do know that I have about 20 more wins than loses. Madden 17 is slightly different as far as game play and the mechanics behind it. So after playing it for awhile I entered the online realm and currently have a record of 4-7, or 5-8.

And here is my conclusion.

For the people who actually know the formations and the plays based on those formations. you can more than likely beat me every time.

The majority of them however, do stupid shit; like no one would ever hire them as a coach. Because we all know that if you can’t pass the ball for shit and every time you run I push you back a yard or ten the smartest thing you can do is pass the ball on 4th and 23 when your on my own 13 yard line.

Like what the fuck man?

Some of them get lucky. They’ll pass it 80 yards and actually catch it. And that is when I yell at my TV.

So…I just got done playing some guy. It was the Seattle Seahawks versus the Seattle Seahawks, of course I try to do a friendly quit, I didn’t want to play the same team. But he rejected my offer, so at this point I had to play him unless I wanted a guaranteed loss.

The game didn’t even go into the second quarter before he quit. He obviously didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. But was he playing that way because everyone does stupid shit that would never happen in the NFL?

He ran the ball to the 17th and passed it on 1st and 10. I blocked it, so naturally 2nd and 10 is up and at this point I figured out that he was going to pass it, in give or take the same direction, so I play Cover 4 and Zone All but he held onto the ball too long in the pocket because all of his receives were covered. So I sack my favorite quarterback 6 yards into the back field.

3rd and 16 is up and he plays the same play, I play the same play, he passes it, but Richard Sherman blocks it.

This is the second time he’s been on 4th and more than 10. I already put 6 points on the scoreboard due to a TD and a missed EP. So once again…same plays, pass, block, and and this point I can just make it 9-0 by kicking a FG on 1st and 10 and my own 27, but before I can do that, he quits.

You would think people who play this game would actually know how to play, or even learn.

So, if I get more wins then loses, which will most likely happen, it’s because they keep doing stupid shit that makes you assume they are 9 years old and the only thing they know about football is watching it with their father.

That’s Fucking Awesome!!!

Awhile ago I posted a post on this thing were you can make a post about stuff that you want to post about. In that story I was talking about how I’m a sore loser and how if I’m playing a game of football and can’t seem to make anything work I get pissed at the other person for no reason.

That has effected me negatively. I’m currently under a 24 hour ban from using any form of communication on Xbox Live. Someone reported me, which is justified, I can’t sit here and act as if it’s not my fault. I was playing some dude, or girl; who was playing as the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Me being me and missing Washington State as much as I do, I was playing as the Seahawks and have been for 100 games now. My record is currently 43 wins and 57 losses.

I was playing the Steelers and they held me back on every run play and I could not seem to pass it for shit. They got a touchdown within the first few minutes of the game. But I’m trying to learn how to be a better loser.

I got reported for unsportsmanlike conduct!

After they charged down the field in 5 plays, got 7 points, forced me to punt on the forth down when I didn’t gain more then a few yards, then was lucky to intercept the ball from them when all I did was pass it back to them…I quit. Which ultimately counts as a loss.

After I quit I got a message saying, “Lol.”

Being in my angry state I replied by saying, “Fuck you too.”

So…I was reported for that, which I’m not really complaining about, but it does suck. On the other hand in the last few days I was called a N word buy some dude that said, “Look at that you stupid n….., you missed the field goal.”

“Whatever dawg, I hope you’re black, but I didn’t ever talk to you and even if I did you have no idea if I’m black, white, Latino, or Indian”. I left that game too, mainly because I didn’t want to listen to him talk shit anymore.

Then I also got called the F word, not Fuck, the derogatory word for someone who considers themselves to be a homosexual. All because I got a touchdown and after listening to him talk some more shit I quit that game too.

So onto the other part of my story. I won! I won a pretty epic game and it was pretty ironic if you watched the Superbowl with the Seahawks and Pats. At one point they were on the one yard line playing offence and were able to get a touchdown by running it into the endzone.

So I have to account the game the best I can because I’m like…blown away.

I’m sitting there staring at a blue screen with a football helmet slowly spinning in the background while in the middle of the foreground a clock that keeps time from 0:00 is letting you know how long you’re waiting to find an opponent.

After watching the loading screen after it found some random opponent I hear Jim Nantz say “Seahawks, Patriots, coming to you from Foxborough Massachusetts”…

The game started with me figuring out that he, or she, loves to run the ball over and over and they didn’t pass it much. They made it down the field pretty damn quick and made the score 7 to 0. I was mad but I was willing to try to be a good loser, and I didn’t get the ball yet, so I wanted to see how fast I could make it down the field.

I’m the type of player that passes it short, rarely down the middle of the field. My top 3 receivers are Luke Willson, Jimmy Graham, Doug Baldwin, and on occasion I’ll pass in to my side to Marshawn Lynch. I normally run out routs where one receiver runs from the left side to right side of the field or vise versa while they cross the other receiver running the opposite direction.

I run it as often as I can though. If I keep gaining 4 or 5 to even 9 or 10 years per run I keep doing it. I will mix it up with short passes however. And I’m even starting to learn what someone might do based on their defensive formation.

I made it down the field, slower than him, but ended up tying the game 7 to 7. By the time I tied the game there were no more than 20 seconds left in the first quarter. If you don’t know, when you play online you are given a 5 minute quarter.

I gave the ball back to them after a kickoff and at this point I had a better idea of his play style and most of my plays were tight blitz’s, every now and then moving my line backers to the outside to try to either run in for the QB or defend against a pass. This was actually working! Every now and then he was lucky and ended up getting another first down, but for the most part I was keeping them back.

At one point he ran and ended up going like such: 1st & 10 than 2nd & 13. On 3rd down they decided to give the ball to Tom Brady and run to their four o’clock  giving them a 3rd & 24 after Michael Bennett chased him down. For some reason he went for it, and was lucky. Got a first down based on a pass but I kept holding them back for the most part.

Once again they went for it on 4th & 17 but ended up passing it to Richard Sherman and this resulted in me running back down the field giving me the lead of 13 to 7. I don’t understand why it does it, I think if you quit games too often it makes it harder for you to kick the ball; even thought the green circle was in the middle of the goal post I ended up kicking it far to the left missing the extra point.

At this point in the game it turned into a defensive battle where nothing was done but going down to pass it to the other team and vise versa. During the second half he made it down and got a touchdown to make the score 14 to 13. He was also lucky enough to get a safety on me making it 16 to 13.

There were 18 seconds left in the forth quarter and I figured the game was over. I also had all timeouts left and in 2 plays I manged to make it from the 18 yard line down to the 37 yards line on the other side of the field with two passes that I didn’t think I could have done, but I did! With 3 seconds left on the clock I called my last timeout just to successfully kick a 52 yard field goal.

The game went into overtime. It was scored 16 to 16, and it was at the last second too. It wasn’t like the game was tied and either of us were able to get any points. It was a “Fuck it” moment that actually worked.

He won the coin toss and took the ball. The game is 16 to 16 and the first one to get a point would win the game. At this point in the game he shifted from running to passing and shortly after kickoff he ended up passing the ball to me. And to be totally honest he should of challenged the play.

I caught the ball in the air, the player who caught the ball was headed out of bounds and I don’t think his feet were down when the ball was caught.

But he didn’t do anything besides quit, so I got a win for not winning, I most likely would have; I got the ball back on the 30 yard line and my goal was to run it as close as I could get to the goal post while trying to waist as much time as possible and if for some reason he got me to a 4th down I would have just kicked a field goal.

Now that I think about it, there were 4 minutes left, they had 3 timeouts…they still had a shot. But they quit.

And in a weird turn around, he gave me a win so whatever. But it was a great run to get to where it ended.

 

My Anger Turned Into An Addiction

So I got a problem, sometimes, actually every time I’m confronted with this issue I don’t know how to deal with it, but for some reason that anger has turned into an addiction that still causes me anger. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

I know not to get in that state of mind, but I keep doing it. Makes me wonder how others are able do it without being so angry for something so simple. I really do think I have a problem.

It’s not drugs, not alcohol, it’s a video game. Madden 16 to be more specific.

I started playing people online. In many ways it annoys me…but I keep doing it, over and over until I want to take my controller outside and pour lighter fluid on it just to watch it burn.

There are a few things that bother me about other people who play online. People who always go for it on 4th down, even 4th & 22…and they somehow get the first down every time. On one hand I’m saying, “If you win by playing that way, you win playing that way,” and the other part of me says, “What the fuck are you doing asshole.”

Then there are those people that go for a 2 point after every touchdown, that just pisses me off. And for those of you that can actually do it time after time…I just picture you sitting in front of your TV saying, “Ha ha, you fucking asshole, you suck at this game.” And all you do it shove it in my face.

I don’t even know what my record is…I think I got 22-35 or something like that. I’ve been going though streaks. I win a few in a row, then I lose a few in a row, then I win, then I lose.

I can’t really blame them, when I’m winning I just play, and I feel good at the same time. But I don’t do stupid shit like go for it on 4th & 5 or try a 2 point conversion when I don’t need to.

When I’m losing I turn into someone that I don’t like seeing. My heart beats really fast, my hands sweat, I actually feel like my life is part of that game for however long. Even if I’m winning.

Sometime I have room to chill out, like if it’s 21 to 3, then I can kinda stop trying to play and just keep running out the clock.

But if I’m losing I automatically assume they are the worst person on the planet. I’m not a violent person but I wish I could mod the game so every time they score my defender in the field goal block would pull out a gun and shoot the kicker.

That sounds really bad now that I actually say it, I’m not a violent person, I don’t wish violence on anybody. Even if they say all Mexicans are drug dealers that somehow steal our jobs without a social security number or want to ban everyone in a religion from entering the country because of a few bad people.

Something about that game and losing turns me into the worst person ever, and it’s just a God damn video game, why do I allow myself to feel like I want to turn on my mic and start yelling at them to tell they how shitty of a human being they are?

I’m not like that, why do I do it?

Part of wonders if it’s because I can’t physically play football. Like Marshawn Lynch didn’t get this mad when he lost because it’s all about that action boss. But they get paid, a lot, a lot of fucking money…even if they lose.

I don’t know…I guess I’ll stop playing…but I don’t want to…but I should…but I don’t want to…but it makes me angry…but its fun…but…