3 Things I Believe


I have not posted anything in the ‘How I Feel’ section lately, and I got inspiration when I saw this Daily Prompt.

So here goes nothing, they asked and I’m answering the question, I’m not trying to offend anyone by the way, if that happens I’m sorry that my feelings pissed you off so much.

1. There is not a God

If someone wants to believe in God, good for you. If you’re happy doing it, then by all means chase the thing that makes you happy. I totally support the freedom of religion, but at the same time I also do not think that God or any other religious icon has anything to do with any sort of business, other than church.

Speaking of that, churches should pay taxes. Do you know how much they steal from us because they don’t have to pay taxes?

The whole idea that a book that was intended to spread peace and harmony, and at the same time can spread so much hate towards a certain group of people is unfathomable to me.

Did you know that Ken Ham is now spending a shit ton of money to build a life-size version of a ‘fictional’ Noah’s Ark the will never float, and can’t even scientifically float if they were to build it with the same technology that was available a long ass time ago. That tons of money can be used to feed the hungry. Isn’t that what God would want?

If it happens to interest you, you can go back to my other article ‘Why I Became an Atheist’.

May I end the topic by quoting Bill Nye and say, “we have tress older than you think the earth is”. 

2. Political parties are dividing people.

At least in America, that’s all I know, so I’m not going to try to start talking about a country that I do not live in.

Most people relate more to one side of the political parties versus the other one, but the majority of us are somewhere in the middle.

I guess the easiest way to explain it would be to use me as an example by telling you I’m more of a Democrat than a Republican.

Recently one of the most famous things Democrats have been trying to do is take high-powered rifles away from those who can legally own one.

While I might consider myself to be more of a Democrat, I fully support the rights for any resisted gun owner to owe whatever the fuck he wants to.

Other than like Grenade Launchers and shit.

A while ago there was a post on Facebook that came from a news station out of Seattle. They were asking people their opinions on rather smoking in the car around your son or daughter should be illegal.

While I agree that it’s not good for one’s health to be around secondhand smoke, it’s not the government’s job to tell me how I can or can not raise my kid!

I might be drifting off of subject, but once someone becomes a president they don’t fucking care about anything besides your vote! What they said two years ago as a member of congress may not be the same now that they are president.

And then you got Facebook, and well Facebook just gave everyone a bigger stage to say whatever they want to.

I’ve been called a fucking idiot on Facebook for saying something Democratic that I didn’t consider to be offensive, but some fucktard took it that way and became super defensive about how conservatives know how to run this country better than liberals.

No one in office fucking knows either, sorry for ‘using bad words’ so much by the way. They just happen to have the power to make shit happen that you either agree with or you don’t.

Everyone is smeared somewhere in the middle of the two political parties. We need to stop letting social media tear us apart.

I’m very much of a ‘whatever floats your boat’ type of guy, if something makes you happy then by all means go do it. As long as you’re not violently causing harm to another person, who the fuck am I to tell you how to be happy?

On the other hand if you come up to me and tell me that the Bible says we should kill homosexuals so therefore they do not deserve the rights to marriage. I’d have a very hard time walking away from that.

I don’t even think I made a point….whatever

3. I know what the fifth dimension is.

I hit on the top two things that I believe in and I can not really think of one that is as important to me the two I have just talked about, and I kinda went off on tangents while explaining myself; so I might have ended up explaining more than just two.

So… in an attempt to add some humor I’m going to tell you one of my theories that I came up with when I was stoned like four or five years ago, to add even more, or attempt to add , humor to my explanation I’m going to talk like a stereotypical stoner.

Sorry for all the “bad words,” if there are any, and sorry to all of you who smoke pot, I’m not trying to make you look less intelligent than anyone else.

So check this shit out man, I totally know what the fifth dimension is, it’s a paradox man.

The first dimension is the X axis, the second is the Y axis, right?

Then the third is the Z axis, and that can make a three-dimensional object and shit. Like your keyboard or whatever is anywhere around you.

Then we got the fourth dimension which is time. That more or less says that if you throw a baseball the 3D object will exist thought time in different locations in space. Therefore giving us what many scientists call space and time.

Okay dude, so like if I’m correct and shit there is a separate theory by Albert Einstein known as the String Theory, if I read correctly that theory was thrown out by a lot of people in the scientific community.

The String Theory says that straight line, such as the time line, is not an infinite line. That line has a wide arc to it and will end up in the same place it started.

So like, listen to this shit bro. Like let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that the timeline was only 24 hours.

Okay, so lets say that you have a DVD case, and you never touch it or move it. You set that shit on the table at 00:00.00 and it sits there all fucking day. At 23:59.59 is is still there, right?

But this little scaled down time line we are using just met it self, the end of the line just ran into the beginning of that line.

The DVD case now re-creates itself in the same place

But there can not be two 3D objects in the same place at the same time, so therefore one destroys the other, right?

So like this is some weird ass trippy shit dude. If the case that was there in the first place is no longer there, how did it even get there?

It’s kinda like that damn question. If you go back in time and kill your mom, how could you of gone back in time in the first place?

I know this was a dumb ass theory I came up with when I was stoned, but a lot of my friends that I explained it to were not only laughing at me but were also like, “oh damn dude, that makes sense in a weird way.”

No, it’s not something I believe with all of my heart, but makes one think nonetheless. It’s just my attempt to add some humor after telling you the first two things that I believe in.

I’m sure I could have came up with a third one, but I felt like I needed to be more lighthearted and whatnot.

So there ya go.


Wrist Pain


I was applying for a job and on a positive note, they want to prescreen me for a job on the phone, kind of like a step before a job interview type thing. But let’s go backwards in time by a few hours.

It was like 2 o’clock or something and my girlfriend was getting ready for work and was going to leave the house early to go to Starbucks. While I was looking up and doing some minor research for the company that I was applying to I asked my girlfriend if it was actually hot outside today, or if it was just the sun.

The weather here has been weird, Nebraskan’s don’t really think too much about it, but I was away for too long to remember, and my girlfriend spent her whole life in the Pacific Northwest.

We are used to seeing a high temperature of 82, or even 43; but the low temperature for that day is nowhere under 5 degrees from the high.

It’s weird to see it be 78 on Monday, at noon , and 31 the same night. Then it’s in the 50’s during the day and in the teens that following night. Then back up in the 70’s the following day.

After asking her she told me that it was like 75 degrees outside. I remember telling her, “I’m going out today.” My car was in the shop, so the only form of transport that I had was my wheelchair.

Combined with some arm strength I ended up going further then I thought, kind of.

I figured I would wait for my mom to get back home, but that took too long. Just so she knows I’m not dead or something.

Nebraska has a street every mile, throughout the entire state, or so I’ve been told. I live in a neighborhood that is filled with residential streets. Not all of those streets are straight, however the neighborhood that I live in is surrounded by 4 main traffic busy streets that all run north and south to east and west.

I got up and headed to the garage to sit in one of my wheelchairs. My driveway is no more the 20 feet long, but has about a four-foot drop to the street and the house across from mine had its driveway in-line with my driveway.

I let go of my tires and sped down the hill to cross the street with a lot of urgency and ended up on the sidewalk of the street that was opposite of me.

I went around the block where there was yet another hill that ran on for 500 feet with a slope of 4 degrees, enough to get a good amount of speed.

At the bottom of the hill I turned right to venture into a neighborhood that I never “rolled” into. I ended up going straight, turning left, and turning right. Going places that caused me to get lost within less than a mile from my house.

I ended up being stopped by some old man standing on the other side of the street. It was a pretty nice day out so he was doing yard work before he stopped to walk across the street to talk to me.

He was a pretty nice guy who ended up telling me that him and his wife moved to that side of town to retire. Eventually I told him that I was born on the other side of town and spent 15 years in Washington State before moving back to live on this side of town.

He told me where I was, but I’m bad a directions anyhow, so a lot of it didn’t make much sense to me. He ended up telling me more than I needed to know, but I was able to figure out where I was based on what he said.

Just like he told me, I went straight to the next 3 way intersection. I was closer to the store than I figured I was. On the way to the store another man was sitting on a swing with his wife and two dogs.

I didn’t really want to talk to this dude, I was listening to The Men’s Room God dammit.

But I’m a nice guy and I don’t want to be an asshole, so I did. I didn’t have a long conversation with him, but came to find out that he no longer had Cancer, so that’s a good thing.

Towards Walgreens I went, I got there and rolled in to buy an energy drink and a candy bar. After sitting there and finishing my candy bar I was headed off the same direction I just came.

My wrist was starting to hurt, but I didn’t expect it to get much worse.

By the time I went about 200 feet or so I turned around, I kind of had to go to the bathroom… so I figured I better go before I get too far away from a restroom.

I turned around and went another 100 feet to turn the other direction and headed to the other store. I knew the grocery store had a bathroom in it.

While I was at the store my mom called me to ask where I was, so I told her; without a pause she became more worried than a guy who just got his first period.

After taking care of my business, being that I was in a different location, I went a totally different way home. I knew where I was this time, it was the same way I took if I actually drove there.

Fast forward 1,500 feet and 30 minutes, I was no more than three to four hundred feet from my house before I called my dad to come pick me up.

He came to get me and threw my chair in the back of his truck before we went to the other side of town and got my car back from the shop.

I got back home at like 6 o’clock that night and after dinner I went downstairs and got onto Google Maps to figure out where I went and how far I traveled.

I was too tired to really do anything when I got home. I ended up traveling 2.7 miles in all and put my wrist in so much pain in the process.


Can I Do It?


I’m afraid to go forward. I know I need to, and I will, but some people can make it seem like it’s impossible.

As much as I want to blame my last job, it’s not totally their fault. My last job was at a machine shop in Washington state.

After I became a machinist, my work day took on a whole new level of stress that I was not prepared for.

Working in a production environment, it is very critical to get done with one job and move right into the next one. Not to make it sound like working fast at any other job is not important.

However when you are the one that hands a product to the cashier so they can then sale to the customer, working fast becomes a daily task that everyone pays attention to.

I wasn’t the one that made your kids toy phone, but I did play a role in the making of that toy.

I don’t want to make it sound like I was the designing, making, and selling your car to the dealership that turned around and sold it to you.

Let’s just take that as an example, cars have more parts than you think. Hell, my wheelchair has more than 400 parts, I should know I drew each individual piece on Solidworks and assembled them.


And I didn’t even get done with the whole thing. And if it matters to you I didn’t disassemble my wheelchair and reverse engineer every part, I used a ruler and tried my best to draw every piece to the nearest 0.03125 (1/32 of an inch).

My point is a machinist is only one person of several other people who do different jobs that are all required to get a major assembly, such as a car, out of the door.

I wasn’t making cars, I don’t even know if I can tell you what I made, even though I don’t work there anymore. I’m guessing some of you might be able to figure it out if you dig further into my blog.

To break it down even more, running a CNC machine requires many steps that are required to run a successful program. Even though I went to school and learned how to run a NC and CNC machines, my work would make it appear otherwise.

My work gave me 45 minutes to setup one job. I then had to run each part while fixing all the shit that might happen in process. After that job order, I had 90 minutes to takedown and setup the next job, before running the next process.

If you ran a CNC, or know someone who has, you know all the steps involved. If you don’t know what a NC or a CNC machine is, I won’t bore you with all the details.

To put it simply a NC and CNC machines are machines that cut metal, wood, plastics, or composites to make a detailed part, such as a belt buckle.

NC stands for Numerical Control, the first C stands for computer, therefore CNC stands for Computer Numerical Control blah blah blah and some more smart shit.

Anyways, the job was highly physical…and I’m not. I was able to stand at the machine for a 10 hour day, I had a table and a machine to lean on.

However going from place to place, in an unorganized shop, to get a 0.750 endmill was a lengthy process.

I needed to walk over to my wheelchair, sit in my wheelchair, then roll around trying to find this endmill.

Once I found this tool I had to roll back to the machine, park on the side of the machine, and get back out of my wheelchair.

Oh shit, the program calls for a #7 drill as tool 2. Now I had to walk back over to my wheelchair, sit down, go find a #7 drill, roll back to the machine, park my wheelchair, then set the tool that was part of setup.

Then if that drill broke, I had to redo the above, then you had to reset the tool height, it might be .013 higher than the last one, and unless you tell the machine of a change it might just slam the tool into the material.

I was trying so hard to work so fast that I no longer trusted myself. I was asking a lot of questions that I already knew. That more or less made me look like I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.

Because of that I ended up scraping a lot of parts.

Instead of firing me they gave me an option to be transferred to Seattle, I’ve worked in Seattle for about a year.

Driving 112 miles per day and getting up at 3 in the morning and getting home at 7 in the evening just to go to bed an hour later so I could wake up and do it all over again was too much.

They denied my request to move back to Auburn, so I quit. I only worked an 8 hour job, but I was out of the house for 16 hours a day.

That’s the main reason I still hold a grudge against them and feel like they were trying to get rid of me for some time.

They were fucking hiring 30 people a week to work in Auburn, and you mean to tell me that they can’t find room for 1 person.

That and the new “CEO” was firing everyone for some bullshit reason just to hire new people who didn’t make as much.

With all of that I now feel like all CEO’s are assholes that don’t care about anyone that doesn’t make them money. I know I have the knowledge to do the job, but I tend to do everything slower than most.

Hell, I started this post 2 hours ago and I’m not even at my main point.

I’m very smart, It just takes me a bit to catch onto something. When I first got my drivers licences I had to have help driving to a certain location before I could do it by myself.

My girlfriend is very good at directions, she know Lincoln better than I do, I still use GPS to get anywhere I have only been to ten times.

I’m now in Nebraska and I’m working with Vocational Rehabilitation to help me find a job, ironically Nebraska seems more on top of it than Washington did.

Yesterday I got 4 places that are all hiring for some type of mechanical engineering position. I know I’m going to start at the bottom of the ladder, and that’s what I want to do.

Until I know more about engineering, I’m totally happy with an engineer either drawing a rough sketch and telling me “turn this into a detailed blueprint,” or having to update an old blueprint that had some engineering changes to it.

That being said, I’m afraid to get a new job.

If I was able to get that job with my dad at least he knows me and my learning style and can explain something to me that makes sense.

What if I don’t work as fast as they want me to? Am I going to get into that same slow and depressed mood where I don’t trust myself? Am I going to be fired so they can hire someone who is less qualified than me but can do the job because he trusts himself?

I don’t know man…. I can’t blame them, but it’s easy to do, he we as asshole, so it makes it easier.

What if my next boss is an asshole that doesn’t bother teaching me? Will he just let go of me because I can’t work or learn as fast as someone else?

The Most Important Thing

Part II

There are too many people in this world that judge a book by its cover. If people took time to read that book they might just realize they stumbled onto something fantastic.

I’m in the 33% of the population that has started their relationship online. The girl who I started my relationship with is by far one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

After everything that happened I can’t believe that I found her.

This is a story of how it happened. I have a very forgetful memory and I’m sure that there might be some information that is either missing or out-of-order. It has been 3 years after all.

I’m sure if you ask her to tell the same story it will be a very similar but different account of events. She’ll probably even say, “I can’t believe you forgot that”.

While I was going to night school and working a full-time job at the same time I lived a very depressing life, I have been single for 5 years, I did not feel loved anymore.

I knew people loved me, but not intimately.

I joined a free dating site and didn’t have any luck with it for about 3 years. I was so sad about my situation in life that the mass majority of girls, being all of them, didn’t talk to me because I came off as a creep.

That was not my intention, I was not trying to seem like I was going to stalk you or whatever. However they didn’t know any differently, I was a stranger, and because of that I don’t blame them.

One night I downloaded the application on my smart phone and while laying in bed I stated talking to this girl who lived within 12 miles of me.

She talked back to me! I wasn’t expecting her to, but she did, that made me happy.

However that only lasted about an hour or so. A lot of time went by after that, I tried talking to her every now and then, but she never talked back.

Being as depressed as I was it really hurt. At the same time I knew if I kept talking to myself expecting a response and never getting one I was just going to depress myself more than I already was.

I gave up trying to talk to her. Back to trying to talk to other girls, very few that didn’t do more then say, “hi” or “don’t talk to me.”

It was towards the end of 2010 and I just let time pass like it was known to do.

I didn’t even care to talk to her anymore, she wasn’t going to talk to me anyways.

One night I was sitting in my bedroom staring at the glow of the computer monitor and thinking about life while I was crying. The light from the monitor was shining on the top of my head because as I laid my head down to feel the water works coming from my face.

Next thing I heard was the sound that Mario makes when he jumps on a turtle in Super Mario World. Oh shit, look at that, it’s Shannon.

After noticing that Shannon sent me a text message I heard fireworks outside.

It was 2011 and the ball just dropped, I assumed it was 12:01, I was not expecting to hear from Shannon. It was weird, but made me smile nonetheless.

“Happy New Year’s,” is what I saw when I looked after swiping my thumb to the right. I can’t remember if I replied by saying, “thank you” or “hi.”

We spent awhile texting back and forth that night, and she actually continued talking to me afterwards!

She must have thought I was nice or some shit, because it resulted in a date that lasted for two days. Later that night she confirmed that I made her happier than all the other guys that have talked to her.

That was good, I wasn’t really trying, but I’m glad I made, and continue to make, her happy.

Coming from a guys point of view…….. I tapped that ass son!

But I wasn’t planning to ditch her afterwards. I was not looking for a one night, in this case, a two night stand. I was looking for a girlfriend.

She just happened to be really fucking cool, even though I spent a few days testing out the waters I asked her to become my girlfriend nine days later.

We rarely fight, that is really important to me. One of the most important things to me is that she talks to me when she can tell that I’m either mad or sad.

That is really important to me because she knows how to get me to talk when I don’t want to.

She is a cool ass chick. To top it off most, if not all, of our viewpoints are the same.

She makes really good food to. I love food man.

I’d rather go to the store and buy everything I needed for her to make whatever I desire versus just saying, “fuck it, let’s get fast food.”

Because of a financial reasons she had to move back home, this was about five months after we started dating by the way.

She was going to a university that was in Tacoma but lived, 150 miles south, in Portland, Oregon.

We dated long distance for about a year or so. Every few weekends here and there Shannon would drive up to visit me. Every now and then I would drive down to see her.

I’m not that social of a person, and her dad was intimidating, so for a long time her family thought I was super weird.

She visited me more often because I felt weird around new people, that were more social than me.

As I was saying before, we rarely fight, and when we do she never yells at me. That’s mainly because, I assume, her dad raised her in such a way not to yell at people, and in the event of an argument she either lets it go or approaches the other person with understanding and compromise.

While living long distance I have not said, “I love you” yet.

To go back in time for a bit, I said it before, but to my kids mom. We never really loved one another in the first place, we just assumed it  was the right thing to do.

For that reason it took me a long time to say it because I was afraid that she would break my heart or it would have had a negative effect on our relationship.

One weekend she came to visit me and we got a hotel so we did not have to sleep at my parents house.

Apparently I was driving like shit that night, I remember telling her that I loved her, but I don’t remember all the little details that happened beforehand.

She reminded me of this a few days ago, I honestly didn’t remember most of the night. I’m guessing it’s either because I’m very forgetful and can’t remember much or I was thinking of whether or not I wanted to confess that I loved her.

That same night I came to find out that she stopped talking to me before the New Year because I came off as a creep. I don’t really blame her, I did. I’m just glad she gave me a second chance and came to find out that I was a really sweet guy that just happened to be really lonely.

During our long distance relationship, I “quit” my job which gave me another reason to take more trips down to Oregon.

I think our relationship gained strength with all of that extra time that we had to spend with one another. I opened up to her dad while this was going on.

He, along with the rest of her family, didn’t think I was as weird anymore.

At that same time my dad was taking a bunch of business trips, and one of these was unknown to me until some time later. I knew he went on a trip, but where he said he went was not where he went.

He traveled back to Nebraska and ended up being offered a job, ironically from the same person who offered him a job in Washington while we lived in Nebraska.

He eventually told me that he quit his job, but had a new job back home. He offered me a job. I really did not want to move back to Nebraska, but I was offered a job doing something I went to school for, twice, and haven’t been able to find.

Finding a job is hard as is. Then when you take into account that I’m physically disabled and then add western Washington, that had a 9% unemployment rate at the time, finding a job became a lot more difficult.

And my dad offered me a job.

Part of me didn’t want to leave Washington, not only were all of my friends there but Shannon was within driving distance as well. The other part of me wanted to move to Nebraska because I had a job that was going to pay a good amount of money.

After a phone conversation and a sad weekend in Oregon she agreed that if we lived together while it took her time to finish getting a degree then she would move out to Nebraska with me.

And that was cool, I didn’t expect her to move 1,600 miles just to find out that I was impossible to live with.

We managed to find an apartment in Tacoma and lived there for about a year. Then my dad flew to Washington to help us pack up the apartment and drive 1,600 miles southeast into the middle of the country.

We got into Nebraska on June of 2013 and we have been here for about three-quarters of a year now.

The sucky part is that the job I was offered was no longer available. It’s still there, but they don’t have the money to pay me.

I brought a girl from the Pacific Northwest into the middle of the country. I just moved home, but I no longer consider my home to be my home. Everyday I miss the general 253 area code location of that state.

The ultimate goal of moving here was to get about two years of work experience in the engineering field, so that when we did move back up to the Pacific Northwest it would be easier for me to find a job.

But know that goal has been altered because of the job that is not there. I’m currently working with Vocational Rehabilitation of Nebraska to help me find a job and she is holding down a part-time job while finding contacts to help her further her career in special education.

Telling her, “I love you,” worked out in the long run. We just celebrated out third year anniversary about two months ago.

I’m working on saving up money for a ring. We talked about it before she even thought about moving to Nebraska. It won’t be that much of a surprise, she knows I’m going to ask, but she doesn’t know when.

In the long run, I love this girl. I can’t believe I found her, she is too good to me.

On a very positive note, I don’t see her throwing anything at me because she is angry, and would be very happy to spend the rest of my life with her.

The Empty Road


I got the weirdest feeling today, not really weird, but I don’t know anyone else that can relate to it. The only person I know who can relate to it now lives 1,650 miles away from me. But I do not think he would be able to connect to this particular feeling.

This morning when I work up it was a gloomy day outside. While I was eating I was watching Catfish on MTV and they were driving in the rain. I didn’t think it effected me that much until my girlfriend and I went to go to Walmart.

I opened the garage door so we could both head out to my car, as I was staring at my car in the driveway I said, “I had an intense feeling it was raining today.” But it was not raining, I’m in Nebraska, not Washington.

The last time I saw it rain was in September 2013, it is now March 2014. I’m used to seeing it rain everyday with maybe a day without rain maybe once every other week. In an odd way I miss rain, I’d rather have rain than snow.

I miss Washington State, a lot.

My girlfriend wanted to go to the store this morning, so we did. As I was driving to the store I got this weird feeling like I wanted to get on I-80 and drive west until I was in a small town.

Not like finding a small town is a hard thing to do in Nebraska, but I just wanted to drive a straight path for no particular reason.

I have an iPod connection to my car stereo and that iPod has a massive amount of music on it. This morning I was listening to Schoolboy Q. It oddly reminded me of Washington State. However I didn’t have that album until a few weeks ago or whatnot.

I know people, all of us that live in Nebraska still ride around in covered wagons that are pulled by horses and we are never exposed to anything other than country music.

I just felt like driving west and deciding to turn around at some point. Driving is very therapeutic for me. If the same friend I mentioned above still lived in Colorado I would just drive for 8 hours to go visit him. But he doesn’t, so….

Maybe I’ll drive over to Hastings, Nebraska and drink some Kool-Aid just to turn around and go back home.

Did you know that Kool-Aid was invented by a guy named Edwin Perkins who lived in Hastings, Nebraska during the early 1900’s?

A Horse With No Name


Remember being a kid? Wasn’t it annoying when your parents told you not to do something?

“Because I said so,” I always hated that excuse, it never explained anything to me, or anyone else.

My dad had been saying a certain motto ever since I was a kid, and it is one the most important things I have ever learned from my father.

If you care to follow me I will take you on a personal trip of how the following words have effected my life.

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.” 

This idea came to me one night when I saw one of those “shared quotes” on Facebook, I can’t remember word for word what it said, but it had something to do with how it was hard to watch your friends making mistakes.

Two of my friends made big mistakes, and I really could not do anything about it. I’m going to change their name to protect the guilty.

You might be able to figure out who they are if you care to dive into my blog and read some of my other shit, but in this case we are going to call them Cheech and Chong.

Often when parents tell you, “because I said so,” it is because they have insight that you can’t or don’t want to see.

If you stop them from running into a wall they will do it again. When my kids mom broke up with me I’d like to think that she thought me a lot about people.

I knew Cheech for a long time, we were best friends for a long time. When I moved to another town with my kids mom he didn’t really continue to talk to me, I was told that it was all due to the fact that I lived further away from him.

Apparently while I was being a father, he was dating this girl named Christi who lived 20 miles from his house, further away from my house by the way.

While I was busy changing dirty diapers and getting thrown up on he was dabbling with cocaine.

One morning as I was about to drop my kid off at daycare he called me and said, “hey man, I really need to come over, are you doing anything.”

I more or less skipped school that day to hear what he needed to say, even though he was “too busy” to hang out with me he was still my friend, one of my strongest strengths is loyalty. I did not know about the cocaine until this point, I also came to find out Christie and him had an on and off relationship.

This was like the third time they broke up, but he was convinced that she was the best thing that has ever happened to him. Even if it was, he was convinced it could not get any better.

Fast forward to a few years later, I’m back at my parents house because the mother of my kid and I have broken up. I was now closer to Cheech’s house and we had more fun in the past few years we ever had.

He stopped doing cocaine, I never did or even cared to. At this point Christie broke up with him for the ninth time and has moved to Colorado for some type of high paying job.

It has been a long time since the two of them talked, but they started talking again. She had him hooked, he had tunnel vision again. He never took her number out of his phone, this was a good two years after she moved to Colorado.

Anyhow…she had him convinced, not like it was a hard thing to do anyways, that he should move to Colorado and live with her.


That’s what I was saying to.

One night I was over at his house and he asked what I thought about him moving. I already told him a few times about her in the past. He didn’t want to listen to me then, why would he do it now.

He had tunnel vision and will not figure it out until he fucks up. I thought nine times would have been enough, apparently not.

I looked at him and said, “yea man, if this will make you happy then go for it”. 

About a year after he got there she broke up with him, I can’t say I didn’t see that coming.

He tried to make it work in Colorado, but eventually moved back to Washington State. Chong also lived in Washington State and made the biggest mistake of his life in the same state.

around 2007 I moved into an apartment to get out of my parents again. Overtime I came to figure out that the girl who I lived with had a felony for the possession of crack cocaine.

To top that off while she was a “crackhead” she became a prostitute to support her habit, she liked to call herself a former escort, but same thing. Not my best decision ever, but a decision I made nonetheless.

Overtime I came to figure out that she still had the same set of mind, using people for things, it wasn’t drugs, but she was still using her body to get what she wanted.

You might be saying to yourself, “girls do that anyway.” Not really, some girls do it, some girls don’t do it intentionally. This girl however had experience with this, and she did it to whoever gave her the opportunity.

One night Chong came over to my house to hang out and drink beer. Later that night Chong told me that he thought that Heather was hot. I called him dumb.

“I mean I can see that, but you do not want to mixed up with this girl.”

Chong was not the sharpest tool in the shed. He is better now, but back in his day he was the one friend that we all have that was stoned all day, every day.

While I really do not believe marijuana makes you dumb, when your stoned all week-long for months at a time, it does have an effect on your short-term memory.

However Chong is one of my best friends and has always been there when I needed a friend.

One day Chong was driving us to a bar so we could play pool, I think that’s what we were doing. All of a sudden Chong told me that he had a “fuck buddy” and that I would have never guessed who it was.

I spent the next five minutes trying to guess who this was, I went as far to guess my sister. I never guessed or ever thought of it being Heather. She kicked herself out of my apartment about a year prior to this, so I assumed that he no longer had any contact with her.

Heather was so far from my mind that when he said, “It’s Heather”. I was quick to say in extremely shocked manner, “My kids mom”? 

“No bro, not her, the girl who used to live with you.” After a few seconds of me being so shocked that I didn’t know what to say, I looked at him and said, “are you fucking stupid man, she will use you for everything she can, she does not love you, she will just make you think she does.”

He then popped into say, “we are not going out, and we won’t.” I chuckled and said, “just wait, you will be before you even see it coming”.

He more or less had his mind made up and was not going to listen to anything I had to say because he was under the assumption that he was happy and I didn’t know what I was talking about. I still talked to him from time to time, but I had stepped back to watch him run into a brink wall.

The only problem with him is that once he runs into the brick wall, he will get out of his car and continue to run, on foot, into this wall. This whole time he will wonder why that wall is still there as he runs into it over and over.

A few years later I’m at home hanging out by myself, my roommate Marcus was in Seattle with his girlfriend. I got a call from Chong, “Hey dawg, do you mind if I come over with some beer and weed.” I was not expecting a call from him but replied be saying, “yea man you’re welcome at my house anytime”. 

We were now outside on my back patio drinking beer, passing the pipe, and smoking cigarettes. He starts the conversation by saying, “you were right”. 

I came to find out that not only did he break up with Heather, they were going though a fifth of vodka every night, which Heather was not supposed to drink anyways. She was driving one of his two cars so she could get to and back from work. “Dude, what the fuck?” He was quick to say, “She works at Fred Meyer bro and does not have a car.” 

Chong is a lot like me, too nice for his own good, so he more or less wanted her to have that car. “Okay man, if you say so, but you need to go take your name off of that car.” He wanted to know why and I had to tell him that she was going to fuck up at some point and I don’t think you want to get it trouble for it.

She was being just as stupid, he could have reported the car stolen and have her thrown in jail for Grand Theft Auto.

He also bought her a full size bed for $999.99. Had a very good job at the time making about $37.00 an hour, so he was able to afford it. “She will pay me back.” I put my beer down and said, “No she won’t, you mine as well accept it as a loss.”

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.”

My whole point of this is….. as much as it sucks, you need to let people fuck up from time to time. Rather you’re a parent or not, the same rule applies.

If someone really wants to do something, nothing you say or do will change that. People need to learn from their mistakes, and if you stop them from making that mistake they will not know why, and in the end they will not know any differently.

You can’t blame people for what they don’t know. If you try to tell them why, they’re just going to think you’re talking out off your ass.

You can only do so much.

The Rock


This is a story that I think everyone can relate to, we all have moms.

Some of them are just crazier than others.

“Don’t go outside, you’re going to die.” That is what it is like to live with a mother and/or a father that is way too over protective.

I love my mom, but some of the shit that she worries about is just so beyond my comprehension that I can’t even fathom how she got to that idea in the first place.

Some of you that follow my blog might know that I was born with a rare disability known as Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia.

To sum it up into a few words, I can’t really walk and spend the majority of my time in a manual wheelchair. I used to be able to run but that has deteriorated over time, to the point that I can barely walk. I walk around the house, but when I do so it is very carefully planned out. As if I were trying to navigate a minefield in my own house.

I have to plan out where to fall so I can grab unto the next piece of furniture without actually falling. My walking has turned into a disorganized pattern of falling into something and catching myself before I lose control.

When I’m in a new environment such as a friends house or a house party I usually stop and stand there for a few seconds as I carefully scan my surroundings to figure out what I can or can not hold onto, the people I can or can not trust if I grab their shoulder, and how hard or easy it would be to complete the puzzle.

People are not granted to stay in one place forever, so by the time I get up they might have moved to another location. All this planning is done just so I can go to the bathroom.

I can understand why my mother is so worried about me walking to my car, because I might fall; and she is justified to worry about that, in all reality it might happen.

I have carefully figured that out too, and I go out of the garage every time all because there are things for me to hold onto unlike the sidewalk that is out in the open.

In all reality I might get stuck by lightning too. She worries about the dumbest shit ever, and they all might happen, but some of them are like going into a tattoo shop and getting tattooed by someone who does not have any tattoos.

Every time that I tell my mom I’m driving somewhere I get that classic, “be careful, there are a lot of drivers out there and you don’t want to get into an accident”. You’re right, I don’t want to get into an accident, but I don’t want to be afraid of the world either.

Did she forget that we lived in one of the most populated areas in the United States? Where do we live now? The middle of fucking nowhere, where everyone thinks we still drive covered wagons and all we do is watch corn grow as we drink tea.

According to the US Census of 2012 the city of Lincoln, Nebraska had a population of 75,000 more people than that of Tacoma, Washington. Yes, but Tacoma runs into a bunch of other towns that all run into other towns, so you have way more than 275,000 people in said area.

My point is that I’m no longer driving 56 miles to and from Seattle and taking 3 hours just to get home on I-5. I’m now driving on a road with fewer people.

Stop and go traffic in Nebraska simply does not exist. If you ask people from here they would say otherwise, that’s all they know.

But until you’re on a freeway and everyone stops for a few seconds and then does not travel more than 100 feet before they have to stop again, you just don’t understand rush hour traffic.

It was like that the whole drive home, minus that of side streets in town that I always took to avoid Meridian. But everyone took the same back roads, so it was only marginally better.

You might have guessed by now that my mom is one of those types that is afraid to drive anywhere that she doesn’t need to. She is also one of those that watches the news… all day long, that is all well and good, but when you start to let the news scare you of life outside of the house, you have to really think about your life.

Then she believes everything she sees on the news, the news station is a business, businesses need to make profit, they make money based off of how many viewers they have. That being said they can and do say anything they want to get more people to watch.

You can take any statistic and make it appear as good or bad as you want it to, that’s what advertisers and politicians do all the time.

Nothing really happens in Nebraska, well at least not on the same level as Western Washington. The news in Washington State did not cover everything, because they only had so much time to cover important news.

In Nebraska the news will tell you about the guy that robbed 7-11 at gunpoint.

Because of that and the fact that she never really gets out of the house, the news leads her to believe that Snake Plissken is going to break into the house to save her from all the evil people.

What do you mean you can take any statistic and make it look different?

A statistic is a statistic, but most people do not give you all the information needed, in an advertisers case, he or she is hoping that you take it at face value just so you go spend more money on their product or products.

For example, 5 million Americans die every year from tobacco.

That’s scary right?

Did you know that 317,558,000 people live in the United States.

That being said, less than 1.58% of Americans die every year from tobacco use, that’s only 1.58% people.

That’s still a bad statistic, however people are naturally inclined to think that a low number is not as significant as it’s larger counterpart. Sources are here and there.

All that information goes into what I’m about to say.

When I park my car in the driveway I can open my door and step onto a bed of rocks. Refer to the picture up top.

In that bed of rocks is a larger rock. She is terrified that if I go to my car I’m going to fall and hit my head on that rock. I might fall, I might even fall onto that rock, but I might fall inside of the house too. I might even fall onto my car and catch myself.

There are multiple places I can fall, falling down is a crappy experience; but no, “this rock has to be moved so my son doesn’t become a retard.”

Sorry to all of you for not using politically correct terms. My dad is not going to move that rock, unless he gets tired of her bitching about it, my dad is awesome; he fucking treats me like a person, not a delicate baby that can’t defend himself from gravity.

I fell before, a ton of times. I know how to fall. When I fall I get zoned into that slow motion action, kind of like when you’re in a car accident.

I know what to look for, falling sucks and there really are not any graceful ways to do it. But I do know one thing, if I happen to fall in the direction of that rock I’m not going to stand there like a stiff board and let gravity smack my forehead right into the rock below me.

My point is, don’t treat your kids like kids when they are not kids, they might learn to resent you for it, I know I do.

People, all people, learn from making mistakes, and if you stop them for making that mistake they will grow up to be more rebellious than you want them to be.

If my kid asked me five times if he can touch the hot stove top, of course I’m going to say no, because I don’t want him to burn himself; but if he wont listen to me I’ll let him touch it, he’ll learn pretty fucking fast not to do it again.

If I fall on that rock, you were a good mom by letting me do so. If you’re that worried about a damn rock then just take everything away from me so I can become a depressed individual.

Oh, my mom called me an alcoholic tonight because I had two beers, two. Come on people, two…..two, what the fuck is my mom smoking?