Wasting Time

You ever hear someone ask you, “Why do you listen to talk radio, that is so boring.” Well, no, no it’s not; you just haven’t discovered it.

When I was a kid, my dad was the typical older guy who listened to classic rock. At the point in my life I listened to rap, and only rap; everything else was dumb. As I got older my musical tastes have spread to places that I wasn’t looking at before. Now a day at the age of 33 I like…see, everyone classifies shit as whatever the fuck they want it to be. To put it very simple I opened myself up to rock: classic rock, metal, heavy metal, alternative, blah blah blah.

I can list the bands but then you’d be stuck with a pointless post full of band names.

I still listen to rap, it is still my favorite; but I have so much more now.

As my dad got older I came to find out that all he did was listen to some kind of talk radio, talking about something. And as I get older I’m starting to understand the mental stimulation that comes with that.

I mean I still listen to music, I love music; but here in a few days I’m going to spend 3 days in a car. On day one I’ll be driving from Lincoln, Nebraska to Laramie, Wyoming; a total of 492 miles (or 792 kilometers). On day two I’ll be driving from Laramie, Wyoming to Boise, Idaho; a total of 690 miles (or 1,111 kilometers). On day three I’ll be driving from Boise, Idaho to Portland, Oregon; a total of 430 miles (or 692 kilometers).

That comes to a grand total of 1,612 miles/2,595 kilometers.

That song? Oh I’ve heard that song before, hundreds of times. Podcasts and/or talk radio make it much easier to sit on the road for hours at a time. Time flies by a lot faster when you’re using the excuse of driving as an excuse to hear what they’re going to say next.

Regardless of what cell phone companies claim, when you leave a city in the Midwest you also loose any 3G connection, and based upon that I bought SiriusXM radio just for this trip, which I’ll have to cancel here in about 30 days or so.

If I have the internet, I don’t really care about Shade45, Octane, The Bridge, or Faction Talk; but it’s going to come in handy over those 3 days of car travel.

And on that note, I think talk radio also calms people down. I’m one of the only people I know who can be comfortable sitting on South 167 from Auburn, Washington to Puyallup, Washington and spending the next one and a half to two hours traveling 25 miles.

The Men’s Room, KISW, look it up.

Moving to Oregon!!!

(I’m writing this a few days after I posted this. There are a lot of grammar, spelling or incorrect words in this post; I do not feel like editing it right now…so just know, if you don’t, that I’m not that stupid, I just suck at editing my self before I hit post)

A few days ago I remembered doing something and a few minutes later I attempted to make a funny post about said memory. At the beginning of my relationship with my now fiance I took her on a last minute date to Mt. Rainier. While that was running thought my head I had a thought that hopefully would seem funny to those outside of The Midwest, or Nebraska.

I more or less posted:

Hey, Shannon remember that time I took you on a last minute date/adventure to Mt. Rainier? It was fun wasn’t it? Mr. Fox hanging out next to the car, the bathrooms were berried under snow (in the summer) and then after we got home I realized I could of got in for free.

We had lunch in the paradise parking lot and the entire time there was a gray fox sitting right next to my car starring at us. We didn’t feed it, but we wanted to; he or she was kinda cute just sitting ten feet away from my front door watching us eat in a non-violent manner.

And there is the issue that I can get into a national park for free based on the fact that I’m disabled.

What am I supposed to do in this state? Take you somewhere and be like, “This hill is the largest hill in this state and its peak is 20 feet high.” Or take you to a body of water and be like, “Hey look, it’s a body of water, I’m pretty sure its deepest point is less than 100 feet; and look, you can even see land on every side”.

So that was my attempt to make fun of my own state, the state I was born in but was away for for 15 years.

On another topic I went to go get gas today and had another thought which I will talk about more below, but based on that I had the idea to write top top reasons I’m excited to move to Oregon.

These are not in any particular order, but I tried to put the most important shit upfront, however they are all important to me and towards to end of the list I found myself asking if this was more important then that.

1. I’ll be closer to my kid

As some of you might know; my kid was born in 2003, around the summer of 2005 I was booted out of the house and moved back in with my parents. After that I got to see my kid every other weekend.

Shortly after I moved out, like right after…and I have a post called Restless Night if you care to read more about that.

Now…if you read that post you might already know. She spent no time jumping from boy to boy. Nine mouths later they were married. He was in the military; and if you know anything about Washington State…Ft. Lewis.

Anyhow because of said marriage my son spent the last ten years, starting at the age of 3, maybe 4 moving all over the country. Then his step-father got a job in Seattle, out of the military.

So now my kid is back in the state where he was born and when I move to the northern edge of Oregon I’ll be a 21 hour drive closer. So I’m looking forward to that, my son says he is too. We both suck at coming up with things to say, so our phone conversations are very little. Not because I don’t care about my kid, but due to awkward silence. And if I ask him questions or say something I still get “Okay,” “No,” “Yea,” “Cool,” so on and so forth, like where do I go from there

But being with him in person is different, he will talk your ear off…which I did at that age too.

I’m just hoping that his mom will let him come live me Shannon and I for 30 days during his summer break.

2. I’ll be closer to my friends.

This…I might not need to explain this either. If you dig into my blog there is plenty of information to tell you what I’m about to summarize.

When I was a kid in Nebraska, I was picked on…more so than most kids, yes we were kids, yes that what kids do…but 30 people every day. Then I moved to Washington State and that pretty much stopped.

I became more popular that I could have ever imagined. My soon to be best man at my wedding…I’ve known him since 1998, the year I moved there; granted he only hung out with me because he thought my sister was hot, but after he got to know me he stuck to me like adhesive.

My other friend, he sucks at giving speeches; he will not be making any speeches at my wedding. I’ve known him since 1998 too.

My friends in Washington…what else can I say.

3.  I’ll be closer to my family

Now, my dad has five sisters and had 2 brothers, 1 remaining; regardless of that it has spawned a huge family who mostly reside in Nebraska, a few in Iowa. But I don’t think of them as…people who are close to me, mainly due to religious and political difference which I might mention later on it this post.

I moved back to Nebraska a year after my father moved back to Nebraska. He offered me a job in Nebraska a year prior. If you know anything about my blog, you know my stance on how difficult it is for people with disabilities to find a job.

As much as I didn’t want to leave the state of Washington, I saw it as a foot in the door to the engineering field. In which I have two college degrees that focus of the line of work. After talking to my now fiance, she moved to Nebraska with me in the same hopes that I would walk into that door.

Which never happened. At that time the government had a shut down of manufacturing, and the company my dad worked for got all to most of its contracts though the U.S. government. And his boss, whenever you mentioned something to him that he didn’t want to talk about he would just act like the situation was not there.

So I lived in Nebraska hoping for a job that I never got. On a positive note I found a job similar to that and was employed for 19 months until I was laid off due to a loss in customers base.

Around that time my father received a call from his old boss (they really liked my dad and were sad to see him go). After a, “You sure you don’t want your job back,” conversation on the phone; he quit his job in Nebraska based on several factors, one of them being that his boss promised to hire me but acted like I didn’t exist, and moved back to Washington to take his old job.

So being able to drive up to the Tacoma area for holidays or just because would be awesome.

This last Christmas I stayed in Nebraska, mainly because neither I nor my parents could afford to fly me out. I was sitting at a dinner table with my fiance, 3 of my dad’s sisters, my closet cousin, and a few other family members. The men were in the family room watching a Seahawks game, which was great for me; and the women were all hanging out in the kitchen talking about whatever.

As I’m sitting there talking to my Aunt Sandy and Aunt Diana I hear them say, “Oh my God Daniel, you look, act, and talk just like Billy (my dad). That makes me feel good.

There are things me and my dad disagree on, him being a republican and me being a democrat; which I’ll speak about later, but I have always been closer to my father than my mother. Mainly because my dad, as much as he doesn’t want me to fuck up, realizes that sometimes I won’t learn if I don’t. As my mom…she tries to stop me from doing anything that she deems dangerous, like you know, driving to Taco Bell or going outside when she thinks I will fall.

4.  Mountains, ocean, and trees.

Before I knew that I was going to move back to Nebraska I had a coworker, who I ate lunch with and also knew that I was from Nebraska. He would ask me some of the dumbest shit ever, which was funny as hell and stupid as fuck, but he is still a friend, not a close friend, but someone I still talk to and would hang out with.

“Do black people live in Nebraska?” May I mention that he was black. To which my smartass response was, “Do white people live in Baltimore?” which is uneducated on my part, I never been to Maryland other then a field trip in middle school. But…I think you can understand what I was trying to get at.

“Do people in Nebraska listen to anything besides country music?” Another smartass reply came from such, “I don’t know man, do people in Seattle listen to anything other than Nirvana, Alice in Chains, and Soundgarden?”

“Are there any trees in Nebraska?” This honestly made me look at him and think, “What the fuck man.” “Yes, there are.” But after being back here for about 4 years now…I can understand when you take The Evergreen State and try to compare it to Nebraska, that’s like trying to compare me to a seven foot tall NBA player. Yes, we are both human beings, but there are very distinct difference the two.

I don’t know if I need to say anymore. Oregon has mountains, Nebraska does not. Oregon in on a the coast of the Pacific Ocean, Nebraska is not anywhere close to either ocean. And trees…Oregon is a giant ass forest with cities built in the middle, I’m so used to the Pacific Northwest type forest that when you take me to a plot of land in Nebraska and say, “This is a forest,” I can’t help but laugh at you.

5.  Different climate

Keep in mind when I reference Oregon I’m talking about the low land portion of Portland, not the eastern side or up in the mountains.

So in Nebraska, there are actually four seasons; Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall. In western Oregon there are only two; Rain and Summer.

In Nebraska it easier to distinguish the four season than it is in Oregon.

As far as Nebraska goes the winters average a temperature from 10-25, and it can get as low as -10. It’s common to see 6 to 12 inches of snow more then two times in a three month period. Spring starts to get warmer, all the trees that have no leaves start to grow leave again, the grass starts to turn back into a green from a brown. The average temperature can be anywhere for 30 to 70, and I love When it’s hot in the spring, reminds me of Washington summers.

Summer here, the average temperature is anywhere for 80-110, and there is no ocean, so there is so much humidity it the air that it feels like you’re in a 90 degree sauna with a 120 degree heat lamp that you can’t escape from. Then you get into the fall which is more or less the reverse of spring. Leaves die, your grass turns brown, its starting to get colder outside.

Oregon has four seasons too, but they are “closer together” than what you would experience in the Midwest. Winter might be anywhere from 15-30 degrees, but it’s raining. Spring might be anywhere form 40-70, and it might be raining then too. Summer is the best, and I think I’ve explained that already, it might rain; but for those 90 days, I love that, when it’s not raining the weather is fantastic. Then you get back into the fall which again is the same as spring, for the most part.

And let me say one thing about the rain: The rain in Oregon ain’t that bad. People associate it with Seattle, but it ain’t as bad as you might think. When someone says,” Oh yea, it will start raining on Monday and won’t stop until Saturday.” That sounds bad, but it’s not. Rain here is like standing under high pressure shower head for an hour compared to standing under a low pressure sprinkler for a week.

Rain might sprinkle on us for a week, but it dumps on you for an hour.

And humidity…come on man. If you’re in the Midwest picture a 90 degree day in the spring, take out the gusts of wind you get and then imagine that in August.

6.  Jack in the Box.

Some people hate the food at Jack in the Box, which I don’t understand, but whatever, people are allowed to feel anyway they want.

But…Breakfast at 6pm or dinner at 5am, need I say more? And a large menu with a lot of options.

Nebraska does not have a Jack in the Box, and it makes me sad. I have to drive 110 miles over to Kansas City, Kansas just to have Jack in the Box. Every time I’m up in that area one of the things I make a point to do, which might be more than once, is eat at Jack in the Box.

7.  Weed is legal

I could talk for hours about the legalization of marijuana, but I won’t…if you agree with me you know everything I’m going to say; and if you don’t you won’t care anyways. Both times in college I has to take an English class, both of them had the topic of a persuasive essay either 5,000 words or a 15 minute speech, both of those time I wrote about exactly that: The legalization of Marijuana.

Now, I’ve been away for so long that I’m not keeping up with the laws in said state. And when I left I didn’t live in Oregon anyhow.

Do you know how good it feels to say, “I was one of the many who voted to legalize relational marijuana in Washington,” when you live in one of the few states that does not even allow medicinal marijuana.

Say what you what, but Washington as well as Colorado showed a decease in violence, and traffic fatalities with a large, and I mean large, increase in state revenue that goes back to the states infrastructure.

And I’m pretty sure Oregon, all all the other state that passed it since 2012 will follow suit.

8.  I don’t have to pump my gas.

So my fiance’s my was out here to visit and while my fiance was at work I was driving around town from place to place to do some stuff with her mom, who is 50 something… I’m guessing, when we pulled up to a gas pump to get gas I asked, “Do you mind pumping the gas?” And She said, “I don’t know how to.”

After thinking about it for a few seconds it made sense to me, and I’m not trying to say she is less of a person because of it.

Do you know how many jobs are created in Oregon because of that? It’s against the law to pump your own gas. So that’s cool, but good luck getting gas at two in the morning. You might just have to cross the river and go to Vancouver, WA if you need gas at 2am.

As far as I go, I just got a new car, a car with the gas tank on the passenger side. And as time goes on its getting more difficult for me to walk. Yea, I know, there is a disabled button on gas pumps, but not many people use them and that being said the employees inside of the store are not used to it; every time I pushed it, nothing happened.

When I had a car with the gas pump on the drivers side, it was much easier for me to pump my own gas, but now I got to add the task of walking around the vehicle just to do it, then I got to walk back afterwards.

It’ll just be great to roll up to a gas station, I might have to wait in line, but I don’t have to get out of my car; I can either say “Fill it up,” or “Twenty bucks,” and it will be done for me.

9.  More democratic.

A few days ago I caught myself thinking, “Do republicans view Washington and Oregon the same way democrats view Texas?”

On a separate occasion I went to the movies with my fiance and one of the characters said, something along the lines of, “This is a small village, people don’t have that many issues do deal with.” And in the middle of the movie that got me to thinking about how smaller towns tend to be republican while larger ones tend to be more democratic.

And yes, there are republicans in Oregon; there are democrats in Nebraska. Lincoln and Omaha are the two largest cities in Nebraska, and that being said there are more democrats and more moderate republicans who understand that there are a lot of people here that deserve the same rights as everyone else, they all have different religions and backgrounds.

But you get outside of Lincoln or Omaha into smaller towns you tend to find people who think it’s okay to force people to be a certain religion, it’s okay to force kids to say the Pledge of Allegiance at school, it’s okay to deny a couple the right to marriage because of a religion that is not supposed to hold any legality and that everyone who doesn’t speak English should fucking get the fuck out; all of these make you think, “What the fuck is your problem.”

Now Oregon, specifically the Portland area is the same as Western Washington; as far as cities go. A bunch of cities all jam packed next to one another with very large and very diverse groups of people. And the republicans there, are surprisingly moderate. They might consider themselves to be financially republican but socially democratic.

I’ve heard a quote from a comedy special on Netflix where Trevor Noah said something along the lines of, “There are so many people in this world, once you start to travel from state to state, even country to country you start to understand how insignificant you are.”

I don’t know about you but I’d rather live somewhere where people allow you to live your life how you deem fit as long as you’re not being violent versus someone who is close minded and thinks everyone should be just like him or her.

10. Less religious.

I don’t know what I can say about this. I’d rather live somewhere where people don’t think your a violent people who kills children and drinks their blood just because you’re an Atheist.

Due to previous research I can tell you that – these stats might have changed – Mississippi is 7% Atheist, Nebraska is 14%, while Oregon and Washington are up in the 24 to 25% range.

I don’t care what you believe, you can believe in a giant lumberjack who has a blue Ox for all I care, but the moment that you try to effect my life, the education in schools, or the freedom that is in the first amendment, that is when I have a problem.

11.  Ikea, Fred Meyer, and others.

Fred Meyer is great, I don’t really know what to say; I miss it. It’s like going to a smaller bet better version of Walmart.

12.  More handicapped accessibility.

People here think that shit is handicapped accessible; but it’s not. Yea sure, I can get from here to there, but it’s not as easy. I mean like I can get around in a wheelchair, but it’s like the Midwest has this idea of…

“If we have to legally do it, I guess we will; but that’s as far as it goes. If you can get in and out of the store we fulfilled our legal responsibility. If you can get out of the door on the side of the building because a fire is blocking the door that you can enter, that ain’t our fault. And well if you cant get down to the street via a curb-cut, well that’s not our fault either; go over there and then come back this way. We don’t care about how easy it is, all we need to check off of our list is rather it can be done.”

I don’t expect to climb Mt. Hood in my wheelchair, but Oregon has a better idea of, “You’re here and you need to get there; you can go this way or that way.”

And if you’re from the Midwest and think I’m talking out of my ass, go borrow a wheelchair and live in in for 30 days. I grantee you smaller towns are not as accessible as bigger cities. And I’m sorry but, Lincoln ain’t as big as you think it is.

And keep in mind I’m very active, which is a weird adverb to relate to someone in a wheelchair. But I’m not just some dude that lives at home and doesn’t go anywhere, just because we can go over there and do this does not mean we don’t what to go over there and do that.

I’m just saying, larger populated areas seem to have a better grasp of said topic.

13.  Thrift Shopping

A few days ago I was listening to Seattle Rock Day on KISW and Maclemore’s Thrift Shop started playing, which was odd for that station; but made sense in the context. And that got me to thinking about how happy I would be to go thrift shopping in the PNW.

Thrift shopping in Nebraska is like going into a hoarders house and finding nothing that you want and then when you do find something that you think would be $3.99 you find out that they want $19.99 for a crumbled up piece of paper.

Portland and Seattle area thrift shops just have a much better selection, you can actually find what you want, and they don’t charge a ungodly amount of money for something that should be half of that price.

Everyone out here sales their shit, they don’t donate it. And when the sale it they thing it’s perfectly okay to ask for 75 to 100% of the price that they bought it for five years ago.

Obligatory Football Posting

So…As some of you might know, playing digital football has become an addiction of mine. As much as I yell at my TV and feel like the worst excuse for a human being who wants to go outside and pour lighter fluid all over his controller and watch it burn in the driveway when I’m losing a game, I keep playing.

I can’t stop, well I can…I think, but I don’t want to. And it’s not an addiction as if I don’t take care of my life or whatever; but when I’m winning, damn I feel good. And if the score is close my heart beats so fast, I feel like I just got done running, which I don’t think I’ve done in the past 20 to 25 years.

So as of March 24th 2017 at 5 o’clock p.m. Central Standard Time I have played 318 online games against other people, I’ve won 180 of those which means that 138 of them resulted in a loss. Which means I won 56.6% of the games that I played against random people.

For the longest time I did not have a rating and I did not understand how someone with a record of 120-140 could be ranked when someone else with a record of 140-120 could not even be ranked. I still don’t understand it.

As you might know, or can make an educated guess at, I play as the Seattle Seahawks and I have for the last 318 games. It’s my team, I don’t care how bad they might be; hell…Matt Hasselbeck could still be our QB and guess what, it won’t change. You could say this player is better than that player, but I don’t really care; is he wearing a Seahawks jersey?

See now…if Marshawn Lynch comes back to the NFL as a Oakland Raider that is…I don’t know man.

Anyhow, I got done playing a game one night and it finally gave me a ranking, it’s got slightly better in the past two days. According to the game I’m ranked 7,053 out of 100,000 players. That feels really good, probably better than it should; not many people are going to be like, “Oh look at that kid.” They are just going to see my gamer tag next to numbers that most likely won’t mean much to them.

And, honestly I don’t feel like I’m…deserving of that many wins when you take into account that if you quit the game, you lose; if they quit the game you win. I have a few wins that are just wins because the other person didn’t even snap the ball and he was forced to forfeit due to excessive grieving, which means they got 3 penalties in a row.

I also have a few loses because my modem decided to take a shit, and if I left the game, which is what happens when you lose internet connection, then you lose.

Then you got to account for the fact that the majority of players do dumb shit that a coach would never do unless he was trying to lose his job. They go for it on 4th&25, they fake a field goal on the 4th down when they are 70 yards away from the goal post. That being said some of those games don’t even feel like a competition.

And then you get those players who do dumb shit, but for some fucking reason get away with it every time. Sometimes I keep playing them and say, “They’ll fuck up sooner or later.” But when they don’t and I’m losing 21 to 0 in the second half, that is when I quit.

But I guess I’m way better than I thought, I’m in the top 7.1% of the top 100,000 players.

So…don’t ask me why the picture says my rank is 0-0; I’ll just make an educated guess and say that the system is slow at updating.

I Have A Problem

Okay, so… did you know that much as cell phone companies claim to have 3G connection country wide, it’s not true! I would imagine that most people don’t drive 1,600 miles from the Pacific Northwest to the Midwest. It’s not something I do all the time, but I got to image that I did it more than most. I drove or rode back or forth from Tacoma, Washington to Lincoln, Nebraska more than a few times.

And here in a few months I will be, once again, driving from Lincoln, Nebraska to Portland, Oregon. Not as long of a drive, but still; only shaves off about 2 or 3 hours, depending on you drive and how often you stop.

So, I got fuck tons of music. Then…I got a new car. Call me weird if you want but considering my music collection and the fact that I have a 160GB iPod. The first thing I notice in a vehicle, other than the fact of rather my wheelchair can fit in the trunk or not, is the radio and rather I can plug my iPod into my cars radio via a USB port. And my car’s stereo has other function such as Bluetooth, Stitcher, Pandora, so on and so forth.

But when you’re in the middle of fucking Wyoming or Montana, good luck listening to anything that uses the internet. And yes, I know, this is not 1995 where the capability of that didn’t even exist.

I can plug my iPod into my car, and it shows me the artist, album, song title, and album artwork; based on the information I plug into iTunes. Which is fucking awesome, the only problem is that system has a limit of 10,000 songs! So that is 8,000 songs that don’t go onto my iPod.

So this is where my problem is…

I made playlists, a few of them, all with more then 200 songs. I did this so I could put a song that I like on a playlist that can go into my car, without exceeding the song limit. So if all 6 or 7 playlists consist of 2,000 songs; that gives me another 8,000. From there I just pick a few of my favorite full length albums, which is more than a few, and dump them on my iPod until I’m close to that limit.

Sounds awesome right?

So I made a playlist of rap or R&B, a few song in are the following songs; from the same album: Akon – Tired of Runnin’ and Akon – Smack That. So, iTunes has a sound check feature, which is supposed to level out all the songs to the same volume…but guess what? That shit does not work like they claim.

When you play the album all of the songs are fairly equal in volume and sound check doesn’t really seem to have an effect as long as you’re playing an album in its entirety. However, when you have a playlist consisting of 1,500 songs, the volume equalization , that is supposed to make your life easier just makes it harder.

If I go to the album and play ‘Tired of Runnin’ before or after ‘Smack That’ both songs are give or take the same volume, to the point that if you’re driving your car you don’t have to worry about reaching for the volume control.

But if I go into the playlist and play both of those songs (same album mind you) both songs are drastically different. It bothers the fuck out of me.Then you also got 700 other songs on that playlist that might be different volumes.

Honestly the only solution I have is to remove all of my songs from iTunes and turn off sound check, adding one album at a time spending the next year making sure album 1A is equal to 2A, 3A, 4A then matching A to B. Just hoping that album 3J is equal to 9Z.

So I guess that’s what I’m going to be doing.

I highly doubt that anyone will have an easier solution, to my method – that might not even work – but I’m taking a shot, if you’re reading this and you’re like, “Hey, do this,” let me know.

I Don’t Know You!

I mentioned this in a previous post, a few of them actually. I take Madden way too far, like why do I do this to myself, it’s just a goddamn video game right? So let me paint a picture for you.

Did you ever have that type of day where you wake up in the morning and you feel rather okay about the day, you don’t have any depression but at the same time you feel as if you’re not super excited about the unknown events of the day. You just put your clothes on, tie your shoes, lock the front door, get into your car and think to yourself, “Well, here it goes…just another day of doing the same goddamn thing that I did yesterday.”

But when you’re on your way to work the car in front of you blows up in a fiery explosion that has no sort of explanation as to why. It just happened, right in front of you on a day that seemed fairly normal. You spend the rest of your drive to work thinking, “That was so fucking odd, but it could have been worse, if only I was one-hundred feet ahead of my current location.”

Later that day you’re enjoying the day thinking to yourself that everything is okay because you’re still alive when your boss taps you on the shoulder and says, “Can you come into my office so we can talk?” You end up following him in to his office just to be told, “You’re a shitty employee and we’re going to fire you for no fucking reason, and we not going to pay you either.”

While unrealistic and highly illegal it, just imagine it; how would you feel?

On your way home, you’re sad, you’re depressed, you just don’t know what the fuck you’re going to do; you’re just about to give up and say, “Fuck it, I don’t care anymore.” You’re about to just give up when you get this odd feeling that you want to live this day over and over like you’re Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, you have an odd feeling that you can change the events of the day and just as you feel slightly better about your situation a vehicle traveling fifty miles per hour heading towards you enters your lane and heads your direction.

Just as you miss this vehicle by mere inches you look out your drivers side window to notice two things happening…you’re not only falling in a ditch but your tire is also rolling away from you as you think to yourself, “I can’t do anything right; what the fuck did I do do deserve this?”

And then you wake up in the morning to notice that your repeating the events of yesterday but you do have the ability to change the events of the day as you think to yourself, “Okay, today is going to be different.”

Okay, you ever have that moment where you feel like shit and everything you seem to do goes against you, but at the same time you keep repeating that event based on the fact that it can be different and when it’s going your way you feel like nothing can touch you, you feel like Superman as someone laughs at him and says, “I bet you can’t jump two feet in the air.”

Put that feeling into a video game, that might not make sense to a lot of people; but it happens, it happens to me.

One night Shannon came home and I was sitting here with my head rested in my hand that was propped up with the use of my leg. I was staring at the ground while Madden 17 was playing in front of me as the opposing them just passed it for fifty-seven yards and ran it in for a touchdown when they decided to go for it on 4th&32.

She could tell I was upset, angry, sad, reclusive, and all those other emotions that go along with anger. She asked, “Why the fuck do you play this game if it makes you feel like this?”

“Because I enjoy it more then half of the time.”

“Well when you’re all fucking pissy about a goddamn video game, you’re not the only one that is effected, just think about that.”

It’s like my dad fixing a car. My dad grew up poor and worked at a junkyard. His stories might be a little untrue, but from other accounts I know what is true, but I do not know what is false. At one point he had a 1969 Dodge Charger, other then being the most classic car ever, at that time it was green with a yellow top and the paint was highly faded. It’s not like he was taking it to car shows, at that time it was just a cool ass car that he put together from other parts that he found laying around in the junk yard. If I remember correctly the Charger went through seven different engines, fourteen different transmissions, and about forty different sets of tires.

By the time my dad went into the Marines and his cousin, who he doesn’t talk to anymore, sold his car for drug money. His Charger had a huge blower popping out of the hood that help the engine in the production of seven hundred horsepower.

Point is…I remember being a kid and hanging out in the garage with my dad as he worked on his 1984 Pontiac Firebird while holding his tongue and throwing shit at the walls. Twenty some years later I could be hanging out with my dad while he is working on the boat he has been building/manufacturing for the past five years as he sits there and say. “You motherfucking piece of fucking shit, go into the fucking hole, you’re not supposed to not work.”

He can love something at yell too.

So today, I start playing Madden…again. At that time I had a record of one hundred twenty-three wins and eighty loses. So I go into the game feeling pretty good thinking, “I win sixty point five percent of the time.”

It didn’t take me long to realize what type of player that I was playing. Before I go any further I’ll tell you a metaphor that I came up with one night.

I’m not the best player ever, there are many others who are actually better then me, but playing me on madden 17 is like trying to play someone who wants to play checkers on a chessboard. I might not understand the best formations, what they might do, what someone else’s formation might mean, so on and so forth. But when you’re playing checkers against an idiot who picks up his chips and slams them back down in random locations, you just end up shaking your head saying, “This is not how you play this game,” and you just sit there and watch yourself win with minimal effort as they keep doing shit that they think is the smartest idea they ever had.

I was playing this guy who…like all others low ranking players, rush their offense, always go for it on forth down regardless of the distance or the location on the field, pass it for more than thirty yards. He was just lucky as fuck. He was pissing me off too.

I was playing some dude who didn’t seem to know what strategy was, that must have been a foreign concept to him. He kept slamming his chips back down in random locations, it just happened to be the right location every time.

And people who rush their offense bother the fuck out of me, and I’ll tell you why. You only have three timeouts per half, I can’t afford to use timeouts just so I can pick a new play. Of course I can choose an audible, but there are only six of them and he might know all of them and can figure out what to do based on where your players go based on the change of formation.

Eventually I quit, normally when I play this type of player I can own him up and down the field. But he kept doing dumb shit and was lucky every time, and I was limited on what play I was going to run next.

I just didn’t care to play him anymore. so I ran into the back field and gave myself a flag on the play just so I could pause it and quit…yea, sure, he got a win but whatever, I just didn’t want to play him.

I don’t mind losing against someone who actually…knows how the fuck to play without being a lucky asshole.

A few minutes later I get a message from him that says, “Wtf bro, you that bad?”

I don’t know why I let trolls brother me either, I don’t know him, why the fuck should I care?

I reply, “What’s your record?” thinking, “There is no way in hell he has more than forty-three wins over his loses.”

Sometimes when a game is ended by either you, or them, your game does not update and you can not see their record, so I didn’t know what his record was…just based on his play style I can make a pretty safe assumption.

And he kept sending me messages where he was not only calling me a idiot loser who should sell his game but he was probably lying to me just to make himself feel justified for being an asshole.

I didn’t send him anything else but ended up blocking him as I was thinking, “Do you have anything better to do with your time, shouldn’t you be in school?”

I just had to bitch to someone, take it or leave it. I don’t even know how to finish this post that just sounds like a dude bitching about a video game.

There is No Picture

You know what? This is more or less a post where I can talk out loud. So here it goes…

So I grew up in Nebraska and many years before we moved to Washington State my sister and I would go to one of my aunt’s house. My Aunt Cathy who laid in bed all fucking day, and I do mean all day! She would sometimes eat dinner in there too.

At that time she was married to some guy named Pat. I don’t remember much about him but I do remember that he was a tall white dude with a full beard that was a grayish black. Many yeas later I came to find out that he was also an alcoholic.

For the most part when my sister and I went over there for unsupervised daycare I was usually stuck playing Lego’s and watching the old version of Scooby Doo. This pretty much went on until my dad’s sister’s kid’s would come home from school.

My dad has/had 2 brothers and 5 sisters. His sister Joyce has a son named John, John was always at Cathy’s house, so much so that I thought John was one of Cathy’s kids. When school got out I would expect Matt and John to come home, while they were both related they were not brothers. She also had two other sons and one daughter, they were older and must of lived elsewhere because I didn’t see them a lot.

Matt, John, and Jason were pretty much the ones who watched me while their mom/aunt stayed in bed all day.

Without going into more then I plan on, one of her kids is named Ed. And Many years later after being in another state for 15 years as well as forming my own opinions I came to the conclusion that some family members can be so stupid and judgmental that you grow to a point were you don’t want to be around them, and when you’re at the family BBQ at the cabin with 30 other family member’s…you see each other, but no one wants to talk to the other.

When we moved out to Washington State my sister was looking to fit in among her peers and that being so she turned to marijuana. I was still the kid who thought that marijuana would open the gates of hell.

Fast forward to the end of high school, like a year after I graduated (2003); I became a stoner who was slowly turning into an liberal atheist and she turned into the religious republican that still has some amount of Washington State progressiveness to her. For those of you who know Washington State, she now lives up where the Sandpeople do, Spokane. And we used to live 50 miles south of Seattle. Vast change in climate as well as religious and political outlook.

As religious as my sister is, and as religious as I’m not; we don’t seem to fight about it. She still has that idea that, someone can be who they are regardless, as long as you don’t try to force your lifestyle upon me…

My cousin Ed on the other hand, he turned into the stereotype of why I hate Nebraska. He is super religious and acts as if he hates everyone who doesn’t see things his way.

A few nights ago I’m laying in bed staring at my phone, looking at Facebook. As republican as she is, she shared a video that most democrats share. It was about ‘The Wall’ that fucking our dumdass of a fucktard president thinks is a great idea. The video went into several aspects of why a wall between borders would be a waste of money just for a sense of security that is more of less a feeling of false security.

I was shocked, happy, and curious that my sister shared this video so what do I do? I go deeper into that post to read the comments. Right away I see something that I don’t want to see but feel gravitated to look at.

There my cousin is saying, “Let’s protect our country first then reform our schools by putting God back where he belongs! Without a safe country, what good are schools?” The next comment is from my sister who has spent time in Mexico and as part of a church group built houses for those who could not afford to do so on their own accord. She said something that also caught me by surprise, “A wall is not the anwser.”

And me being me I focused on God, so I stick my head into a converstaion that I should not be part of and said, “Oh my… him…okay…” and in a sarcastic understanding behind it I continue with, “Because forcing religion upon an entire country of people is a great idea. Fascism never sounded so good.”

I more or less stayed out of the conversation that came afterwards, mainly because I left the comment at four in the morning and I was sleeping. More or less the conversation was: My cousin telling me that I was mad at God, my sister calling him out because he is an asshole even though he may not see it, my sister telling my cousin that she agreed with me, she loves illegal immigrants who work hard to get here, even thought they shouldn’t be, she loves both of us and doesn’t want family to fight, and then she called me out for stirring the pot and being just as bad but on the other end of the seesaw.

So what to I do? Comment with, “I‘m just saying that if you’re okay with the Bible being in school, you must be okay with the Quran, or the teachings of evolution…if you’re not, that my friend is not what religious freedom is. If you think it is you need to get a plane ticket to the Washington D.C. and go to the Capitol building, report back to me what the first amendment is.”

I don’t know if there is any point to this post. I just, every time I look at Facebook I just get really sad and makes me wonder, “When will these people wake the fuck up and say to themselves…who the fuck did I vote for?”

Even republicans can’t be this dumb. Like…what the fuck dude, you guys voted for someone who acts like a kid when someone on a TV show makes fun of him, and you thought that would have been an okay thing to do?

Let’s not mention the few things he did in the last few days that can or will have bad outcomes.

 

 

I Wish

It was 11:57 at night after looking back up at my TV/computer monitor that was sitting on the post game screen of Madden 17.

Last night I was having an excellent time playing Madden 17 and I’m currently on a nine game winning streak, and that’s only because some dude playing as the New England Patriots thought that going for it on 4th down was the smartest idea he ever had.

I can’t act like this kid wasn’t lucky, he was, he just kept doing stupid shit. He was so lucky that he was winning by two points, not two possessions, two points in the fourth quarter. when there was thirty seconds left in the forth quarter and he could of won by doing nothing…he had the smartest idea ever.

He passed the ball to one of my players who intercepted it in field goal range…and me being the type that doesn’t do stupid shit, I slowly made it 1, 2 ,6, or 7 yards up the field, I wasn’t trying to get a touchdown.

With four seconds left on the clock I win the game 19 to 18.

So the fact that I have 97 wins and 64 loses is because no one seems to understand that they take risks that make me shake my head at the TV and say, “Are you fucking stupid?”

Maybe I take the game too seriously, it’s just a video game right? I’ve been thinking about that. When it’s a close game my heart beats super fast, I have not felt that since I was a kid in elementary school who used to be able to run.

If I’m winning I feel rather good about it, and if I’m losing I’m the type of guy who wants to take his controller outside and pour lighter fluid on it while I watch it burn in the driveway.

So yea, maybe I do take it too far…maybe it just gets my heart going which…for someone in a wheelchair…

Anyhow I get done with a game and I think, “I can fucking go to the store.” My fiance is currently in Oregon seeing her family. So I got the house to myself as I continued that thought with, “No one is stopping me.”

The store by my house used to be open 24 hours, but now they close at midnight. So after looking that up on my phone I said out loud, “But Hyvee is open all fucking night.”

Then I looked up from my phone and saw a bottle of whiskey that I’ve been drinking most of the night and out loud I said, “Nope, I’m not fucking going now.” I then continued the idea in my head thinking: If I get a DUI tonight…that would be the worst thing ever. I can’t really afford car insurance now, I don’t need it to go up by getting SR-22, I can’t afford a lawyer, I don’t want to call my dad and tell his that he has to fund the fact that I fucked up, which he might not do anyhow. I need to go to the airport in X amount of days, what if I don’t have a car. I’m about to move to Oregon, what if I don’t have a car. What if I get a parole officer who says, “You can’t leave the state of Nebraska.”

And if I do end up in court…I don’t want my disability to become a question of rather I can even drive. A lawyer will use anything to win, fuck if it’s irrelevant to the case…they don’t know any better, and when my disability effects everybody differently it’s hard to scientifically predict what might happen just because someone else was effected that way.

So, “Nope, I don’t need trash bags that bad, I can wait until tomorrow.”

Unfortunately one of my best friends in Washington is on 1 year of house arrest with work release and 2 more years of probation due to his second DUI that almost killed him and totaled his SUV when it flipped over and ran into a tree. My other friend, no matter how stupid he might be…is still my friend who thinks that if he goes driving drunk he will never get caught, even thought he already did.

I just remember looking at my half empty bottle of whiskey thinking, “I wish more of my friends thought this way.”