I Wish

It was 11:57 at night after looking back up at my TV/computer monitor that was sitting on the post game screen of Madden 17.

Last night I was having an excellent time playing Madden 17 and I’m currently on a nine game winning streak, and that’s only because some dude playing as the New England Patriots thought that going for it on 4th down was the smartest idea he ever had.

I can’t act like this kid wasn’t lucky, he was, he just kept doing stupid shit. He was so lucky that he was winning by two points, not two possessions, two points in the fourth quarter. when there was thirty seconds left in the forth quarter and he could of won by doing nothing…he had the smartest idea ever.

He passed the ball to one of my players who intercepted it in field goal range…and me being the type that doesn’t do stupid shit, I slowly made it 1, 2 ,6, or 7 yards up the field, I wasn’t trying to get a touchdown.

With four seconds left on the clock I win the game 19 to 18.

So the fact that I have 97 wins and 64 loses is because no one seems to understand that they take risks that make me shake my head at the TV and say, “Are you fucking stupid?”

Maybe I take the game too seriously, it’s just a video game right? I’ve been thinking about that. When it’s a close game my heart beats super fast, I have not felt that since I was a kid in elementary school who used to be able to run.

If I’m winning I feel rather good about it, and if I’m losing I’m the type of guy who wants to take his controller outside and pour lighter fluid on it while I watch it burn in the driveway.

So yea, maybe I do take it too far…maybe it just gets my heart going which…for someone in a wheelchair…

Anyhow I get done with a game and I think, “I can fucking go to the store.” My fiance is currently in Oregon seeing her family. So I got the house to myself as I continued that thought with, “No one is stopping me.”

The store by my house used to be open 24 hours, but now they close at midnight. So after looking that up on my phone I said out loud, “But Hyvee is open all fucking night.”

Then I looked up from my phone and saw a bottle of whiskey that I’ve been drinking most of the night and out loud I said, “Nope, I’m not fucking going now.” I then continued the idea in my head thinking: If I get a DUI tonight…that would be the worst thing ever. I can’t really afford car insurance now, I don’t need it to go up by getting SR-22, I can’t afford a lawyer, I don’t want to call my dad and tell his that he has to fund the fact that I fucked up, which he might not do anyhow. I need to go to the airport in X amount of days, what if I don’t have a car. I’m about to move to Oregon, what if I don’t have a car. What if I get a parole officer who says, “You can’t leave the state of Nebraska.”

And if I do end up in court…I don’t want my disability to become a question of rather I can even drive. A lawyer will use anything to win, fuck if it’s irrelevant to the case…they don’t know any better, and when my disability effects everybody differently it’s hard to scientifically predict what might happen just because someone else was effected that way.

So, “Nope, I don’t need trash bags that bad, I can wait until tomorrow.”

Unfortunately one of my best friends in Washington is on 1 year of house arrest with work release and 2 more years of probation due to his second DUI that almost killed him and totaled his SUV when it flipped over and ran into a tree. My other friend, no matter how stupid he might be…is still my friend who thinks that if he goes driving drunk he will never get caught, even thought he already did.

I just remember looking at my half empty bottle of whiskey thinking, “I wish more of my friends thought this way.”

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