The Night I Met Jesus.

6241773_18d6d28b59It was a lonely night, one of those cold and musty nights on the western side of Washington. I was sitting around the house with nothing to do, and no matter how many things I could do I felt like everything was boring. Play video games, nope. Watch TV, nope. Clean my room, nope. Clean the house, nope. Look at porn, nope. Smoke some pot, maybe, but I didn’t have any anyways.

Nothing seemed exciting, after a while I ended up laying on the couch watching Mythbusters while I drank a beer. All of a sudden I hear some people talking from outside of my apartment as the door knob shakes open. My roommate was home with a few friends. I was not expecting him or anyone else to show up.

It was a few days before, maybe even the day of Halloween. I should be out doing something, but I wasn’t, I was just sitting at home being a loner. Part of me was glad I didn’t decide to watch porn when Marcus, Denton, and their girlfriends – or one night stands – came walking through the front door. They were going to go to Seattle that night, but I think they decided not to when they remembered it was nine dollar beer night, or maybe it was their attempt to get some action later in the night.

They came in the front door, I remember looking at these girls with amazement in my eyes as they were both very attractive, both of them wearing some of the most provocative costumes you could only hope would end up on your bedroom floor while one or both of them would scream and moan with pleasure. I remember thinking to myself, “you lucky bastards,” as I look at the girls just to rotate my eyes to look at my friends who both had smiles on their faces as if they could sense what I was thinking.

As I’m staring at Marcus he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone as he dials a number. Part of me thinks he actually wanted to do something, the other part of me was thinking that he needed to keep the girls entertained so he could get naked with her later into the night. He was staring at his phone, pushing a button, a button, making the phone scroll down as he hit the center button and put the phone to the side of his face as both girls were laughing about something.

“Hey man what are you up to tonight, you got something going on at your house?”

Marcus was talking to one of his old roommates/old coworker/friend that I only knew in social circles. I could not hear what was being said on the phone, I really didn’t care, there were two hot ass chicks standing in my living room. One dressed as a catholic school girl and the other dressed like a witch, both of whom you would expect to see in some cheesy porno. Even though I knew that I didn’t have a shot with either of them I still didn’t want to seem like Mr. Creepy who was scanning their bodies just to put their mental image in my spank bank.

In an effort to not seem weird I stepped out back to have a cigarette. Denton came outside shorty after as the girls sat in side talking about whatever they were talking about while Marcus remained on the phone. Shortly after Denton came outside Marcus slid the back door open and said, “Hey you guys want to go to a party in Sumner?”

It was late, it was dark and cold; rain was coming down on the top of the car as brown and yellow leaves clogged up both sides of the street. We finally made it there, the house was full, over half of the party was wearing some kind of costume. Brand new people even kept showing up every half an hour after we got there.

Some guy was dressed up as a mummy, another dude was dressed up as a member of the Navy, most of the women were wearing costumes that looked as if they were brought at the local sex shop. On Halloween young men have candy that you eat, old men – maybe even women – have eye candy; most of whom are not afraid to show off just to get attention.

Being physically disabled at a house party I have a tendency to find a popular area of social activity, one that has a chair nearby so I can set up shop. If someone wants to talk to me they would have to come talk to me. At that time I could walk around better than I can now, but I still used my wheelchair if I was out of the house or even at work. The house had steps up the the front door and it was so packed with hot women and drunken men that if I attempted to take my wheelchair inside it would be like I was trying to fit a square block into a round hole. I could walk around the house, but it was still not my preferred method of travel.

I was sitting in the kitchen, talking to people, doing my own thing. At some point I ended up talking to this girl who was pretty average looking, but I did not find her that attractive until I stood up to go get another beer; she stood at about 4 feet 9 while I stood at about 5 feet 10. I don’t know why I dig short women, maybe it the fantasy I have about actually being able to pick them up by both butt cheeks and she wraps her legs around my waist while I stand up and have sex with her. But I’m disabled, I can’t stand up during sex yet alone pick anyone up. I don’t know if it’s that or just that I like shorter women.

The conversation, while it was awesome it didn’t go anywhere, her boyfriend was in the conversation too, all in all he was a pretty cool dude who was about two years younger than I was at the time.

Just like it has been happening every so often throughout the night new company arrived. It was two guys and one girl who was wearing purple fishnet stockings, purple high heels, a purple skirt that was so short that I think she was purposely trying to show off the very bottom of her butt, this blond hair blue eyed girl was even wearing a purple corset that made her cleavage stand out like Yao Ming in a room full of little people.

Sitting there in the kitchen I saw one of the men who showed up when he started walking towards the kitchen with a beer bottle in hand. I saw him heading my way, I was even thinking before I shouted across the house, “Hey yo, Jesus, fuck you man, I’m still handicapped dawg.”

As soon as I said that a few people laughed and thought it was actually funny. A few of them, who I’m assuming are religious, looked at me as if they were thinking, “Oh my God Becky, look at that butt…he is not supposed to say that because the Bible says so”.

First of all I’m an Atheist, I don’t care what your Bible says, I do not care how religious you are, if you’re happy doing your religious thing, more power to you, don’t let me stand in your way of finding that thing that makes you happy. But I really do not like those religious nuts who feel like they have the right to tell you how to live your life because they think different, and if you’re as “Christian” as you claim to be isn’t that up to God to judge, not you?

Anyhow Jesus came up to me and with a gentle tone to his voice said, “I’m sorry I failed you son, may you drink from the nectar of the Gods.” He put his hand under my chin and raised my head as he slowly poured some of his beer into my mouth as he finished by saying, “May you be healed my son.”


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