I Agree With Her.

omaha zoo

 

Many of you are not aware of what I wrote about at the end of 2013, so I’m going to bring it up again.

On a side note, I do not really like that picture of me, but felt like it was fitting to this particular “article”.

Many of you do not like to click on links… but I’m going to provide them anyways. For you who do not link to click on links I’ll summarize my own post and add my view point to the other post, based on my past experience of said situation, which will go to show why I agree with her.

I wrote a post back on December 20th, 2013 called My Experience with Bullies.

To give you a short view of the above link to my own post, it is as it sounds.

I was born in Nebraska and until I moved to Washing State I was constantly bullied/made fun of on a daily basis. Everyone tends to have a bad time in middle school/Jr. high. However the criticism that I received was focused upon my physical disability.

I have even been called a retard on several occasions.

The Jenny Jones Talk Show – that was on in the 90’s – changed my life. It wasn’t just the show, moving to a new state gave me a whole new start on life and how others looked at me.

Unlike my mom and sister who were crying about the idea of moving to Washington State, I was happy because I knew from day one that no one there knew me.

The talk show just gave me the knowledge how to do so. Let’s not forgot the population of Washington State is six times a large as Nebraska

Sure, you can say Lincoln, Nebraska is a fairly large town/city, but once you leave Lincoln you have a lot of nothing.  Then you got Puyallup in the state of Washington that is surrounded by many other towns that are than connected to many others. You can drive five towns over and never feel like you left town in the first place.

My point being that Washington is better at the whole disabled people thing, and in Nebraska I was the first and only physically disabled kid in my school.

This morning while I was laying in bed with my girlfriend sleeping right to me, I was searching other blogs and ran across this article/post called Dumbass Award of the Day Goes to…

I read it, I got to say I agree with her, and this is why….

(At this point I have been away from the computer for about two hours, my girlfriend had the day off of work so we went to get do stuff… now I’m back)

So I got back and Googled ‘Zeman Elementary School’ and got this story. That pretty much says that the origins of the pamphlet are unknown. Whether the principle is trying to cover her own ass or not, the pamphlet came from an unknown source.

Regardless of that, I still agree with it.

Based on that news spot, I think Lincoln Public Schools might be doing a bad job when it come to the whole anti-bulling thing.

Remember, I was made fun of by 30 kids per day – for 3 years – and a few less everyday for the 5 years previous to that in elementary school.

That’s 8 years people, I’ve been though some shit!

If you disagree with the following, just keep in mind I’m talking from personal experience.

Because of the turn-around I had between eighth and ninth grade, I have an insight that many others might not even see.

But keep in mind I’m also coming from a perspective of having a physical disability. Other kids don’t have a physical disability, because of that….I hope what I say has some kind of impact on people 

Rule #1 on the pamphlet says:

Refuse to get mad. Anger is a feeling we have toward our enemies, not our buddies. If a bully finds out he/she can get you angry, you become their puppet…

If you get mad, which they want you to do. You just end up giving them the reaction they are looking for.

As much as it hurts to not get mad and to walk away… you need to.

They might, and often do, think that you getting mad is funny to them. That being said kids looking for popularity might use you as a bonding moment.

If Joe thinks it’s funny, but Sam was the one that was making fun of you – Joe will then become friends with Sam. Now you got Joe and Sam making fun of you when Ryan, Steve, and David think it’s funny.

Now Sam, Joe, Ryan, Steve, and David are making fun of you and some more people think it’s funny, then more, then more.

So on and so forth. You just created a chain reaction until it gets too big to ever get away from until… you know… you watch the Jenny Jones talk show and move to another state.

These kids, being the age they are know that picking on you is not right, but all they see is the way to gain popularity… if you take that away from them, they wont be a bully to you – unless they are an asshole.

Don’t take that as me telling you not to get mad, but if you do it might not work out the way you want it to.

Tell a person of authority if someone is bothering you so much that it is unbearable. Ironically that has never done much for me, but then again a lot has changed since the 90’s.

As much as it sucks to ignore… you got to.

Rule #2 on the pamphlet says:

Treat the person who is being mean as if they are trying to help you. No matter how insulting or mean they may sound, be grateful and think they really care about you.

In a way… yes, however being grateful might end up giving them another reaction that they are looking for which can therefore be used against you.

If you are nice to someone who is being mean to you, it mainly does one important thing, it tells the bully, “I’m not giving you the reaction you’re looking for.”

On the same token, do not be too nice. This shows him that what he does has an impact on your emotions. It might backfire on you.

What you need to do is act like you don’t give a shit what they do or don’t do, you need to make it known that you do not care.

Rule #3 on the pamphlet says:

Do not be afraid. If you are afraid…you automatically lose.

This is very simple… if you are afraid of them you are then telling them, “you have control over my emotions.”

Rule #4 on the pamphlet says:

Do not verbally defend yourself…the defender is automatically the loser. If we defend, we lose.

This goes a lot into #2. When you’re mad, you often defend yourself – or give the body language of doing the same thing.

That being said, If you defend yourself, which they want you to do. You just end up giving them the reaction they are looking for.

Rule #5 on the pamphlet says:

Do not attack. It takes two people to fight, so it’s the person who retaliated or responds who actually starts the fight.

They want you to start the fight… don’t. Once again this just gives them the reaction they are looking for.

I can’t lie to you, if I was physically able to fight and win the fights I would have been suspended from school so many times.

On the same token, if you get into a fight and then win the said fight, you might change the playing field.

That being said, if you must do something violent, get into a fight. Never take a weapon to school, that is just a really bad thing to do, and does not make you a good person no matter what.

Overall it’s just a bad idea to get into a fight, if they want to fight you, they are pretty sure that you can not win, and therefore make them look cool and you look like more of a dork then they already think you already are.

Rule #6 on the pamphlet says:

If someone physically hurts you, just show that you are hurt; do not get angry. Did all the kids in town get exposed to gamma rays and there’s a bunch of little Hulks running around? If you get angry, they won’t feel sorry.

They won’t feel sorry, that’s why they hurt you. If anyone felt sorry for hurting you they would not do it.

Showing them that you are hurt however will let them know that they can get a reaction off of you… that they can thrive off.

I don’t really agree with this, however I do agree that the one that hurts you will not feel sorry about it.

If it bothers you, tell a person of authority, do not take it into your own hands.

And do not get angry, that’s just another reaction they are looking for.

I keep saying the reaction they are looking for… it kinda sounds like I’m being very confusing. It all depends on the person and how they are being raised. 

In my case the reaction they were looking for was anything that can be seen as funny to others, which therefore caused a gain in their popularity.

Rule #7 on the pamphlet says:

Do not tell on bullies. The number one reason bullies hate their victims is because their victims tell on them. Telling makes the bully want to retaliate.

True, telling on them will often come with a negative outcome.

However if you are truly hurt – emotionally or physically – you need to tell someone, whether they get the other party in-trouble or not, it’s good to have a counselor to talk to.

But on the other hand you need to find a counselor that actually cares about you and your emotions. In my experiences, the counselor’s where very quick to get you in and out, because all they cared about was their paycheck.

Rule #8 on the pamphlet says:

Don’t be a sore loser. Lose gracefully and be a good sport; kids will like you better.

I don’t really know what to say to this. I guess it speaks for itself.

People will often like you better if you accept who you are instead of trying to be someone you’re not.

That being said, if you lose, you might be angry that you lost or didn’t succeed, but be glad you tried and own it, don’t let it own you.

 And rule #9 on the pamphlet says:

Learn to laugh at yourself and not get “hooked” by put-downs. Make a joke out of it or agree with the put-down. For example: “If you think I’m ugly, you should see my sister!”

I might not say that line, it might not work out best for you… however I might say, “yes, I’m so ugly that you should not even be talking to me.” – Even though that is not really making fun of yourself.

I think this is the most important one – of all.

Do you know how much my life has changed when I not only learned how to keep from giving them the reaction that they were looking for, but also learned how to make fun of myself in a humorous manner?

People who are not even your bullies may end up becoming your friend because of the fact that you can not only handle such a situation, but you are funny on top of it.

Learning how to make fun of yourself was my most powerful defense, it more or less showed them, “if he says that about himself, I don’t really got much else to say.”

“If he is saying that about himself, he obviously does not care what I say and I wont get the reaction I’m looking for.”

Not only that, but you kinda turn the tables on them by making them look stupid, as if they did something trying to get people to laugh at you, but they laughed at them instead.

However you need to understand humor. if what you say is not funny to anyone besides you it will only backfire on you.

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One thought on “I Agree With Her.”

  1. Well, I have to say you have a lot more courage than I do.

    I was bullied badly in school, so much so that I had a nervous breakdown at 13. Telling never worked out to well in my case either. But, that said, I do think the principle’s message is flat out wrong! And I believe she should be disciplined for it.

    I don’t know the answers, but I don’t think accepting abuse in any form or at any level, should EVER be tolerated. All that accomplishes, in my opinion, is perpetuating the bully mindset and mob mentality.

    Like I said, I don’t know the answers, but this principle’s handout is not a new strategy and has never, so far as I can tell, done a single thing to address the bullying problem. Not among adults and certainly not among children. All it does is place the blame on the victim.

    You and I both had to leave our schools to get away, and that’s exactly what this mentality promotes. “You are not one of us, you are the problem, so take our abuse or leave!”

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