I’m Never Doing This Again!!!


You ever have that friend that pushed you further than you wanted to go? Did you ever know someone that way? He pushed me too far, I ended up thinking I was in the middle of a Terminator 2 type setting.

At this point in my life I just started smoking pot, and it took me a long time to find my happy medium. I was 19 years old at the time, I can’t tell you how many episodes of “green sickness” I had.

For those of you who do not smoke pot, or have never experienced it. Green sickness is what we refer to as someone having way too much marijuana. It’s not an overdose per se, you will not die from it, no one ever has.

I heard somewhere that it is possible to have an overdose on marijuana, however you need to smoke more than 1 pound in less than 60 seconds.

1 pound is a fuckton, I can’t even smoke 1 gram in a sitting, much less in a minute. I haven’t smoked in so long that if I smoked again I don’t even think I could smoke half of a bowl, before I was good and happy.

About 11 years ago I was hanging out with one of my friends, he lived on a private road that only went on for 400 feet or so. It was kinda weird, his house was off of a new road that was constructed to connect one road to another without taking 5 minutes to go around a lot of evergreen trees.

We lived in a populated area, but going to his house was like jumping into a worm hole and ending up in the country, he was only about 500 yards from a busy street.

I was also able to walk better at the time in my life. I did not have my car with me, therefore I didn’t have my wheelchair with me. We than walked about 375 feet from his house to his friend’s house.

We went there to get pot, and after smoking about 5 times more than I should have, I ended up looking around, scanning from one location to another. If you were to look at me it was like I didn’t know where I was, and I really didn’t.

There I am looking to the left of me, and then to the front of me, this kept going on for a few seconds. I was seriously confused. On the left of me was a gold/tan 4-door Ford Tempo, and in front of me was a blue Toyota Tacoma.

I remember saying, “hey guys, you wanna know something really cool?”

All three of them stopped talking about whatever they were talking about when I repeated myself by saying, “hey guys, this is really weird”

“What’s up Dan,” they said to me with an annoyed tone to their voice.

I then went onto clue them into my scientific discovery, “no matter which way I look or how many times I look that way both of these cars never change.”

After laughing at me I continue by saying, “No man, look, this car and that truck never fucking move dude, what the hell.”

They continue laughing at me as I say, “they must be parked or some shit.”

I then go back to sit down on a rocking chair and asked for a cigarette while they continued talking about whatever it was that they were talking about, they could have been talking about me, I really was not paying attention.

As I’m sitting down I came to realize how stoned I actually was and ended up giving myself a psychological conversation about why I was stupid for smoking so much.

“You should have not smoked that much.”

“But what if it like this every time?”

“But they are having fun you can to.”

“Man I’m not ever smoking again.”

“Don’t forget you had fun at Joe’s like a week ago, so you can control how high you get.”

“I think it Josh’s fault man”

At the point I came to find out the Josh was a bad person to hang out with.

You know when you were in school and they thought you a shit ton of false information about marijuana, because the president we had in office in the late 70’s thought it would be a good idea to scare the shit out of the America’s youth.

Well when you say “no” the vast majority of people who smoke pot are respectful people who do not force you to smoke pot if you do not want to”.

Josh was different though, and he had a higher tolerance than I did. So yes, I wanted to smoke pot, he didn’t really force it upon me, however he was the bad seed that kept telling me that I had to smoke more than I wanted to.

From that point on when I was smoking with Josh and he said, “more man, come on”. I grew the balls to say “fuck you dude, I’m happy right now, why do I want to make myself feel like shit?”

It eventually caused all my friends to think the same thing, and over time we stopped hanging out.

Back to the story.

It was time to go home, but I didn’t want to go back to his house. I was so stoned that I was not in the mood to walk more than 20 feet, I was more worried if I even had the physical capability to do so.

But I guess we had to, Kyle was kicking us out so he could go to bed. Oh great, I had to walk 350 feet in the other direction.

We started walking and I was really quick to black out, I don’t think I actually blacked out. However I was so zoned into walking that everything else going on around me was unknown to me.

It takes me more energy to walk then it does compared to an able-bodied individual. Me walking 350 feet in one direction is equivalent to you running the same 350 feet and turning around to go back the running the same path twenty times.

All of a sudden out of nowhere I can hear someone talking, but I can’t make out what they are saying because I’m so zoned out. In my hazy mind I’m sure a robot was yelling at me. I was quick to become really paranoid and tried walking faster while holding onto Josh’s shoulder and saying, “dude we need to go before we get shot.”

Josh was super confused and said, “what are you talking about.” 

I go onto say, “dude, we only got so long to get to your house, we got to go before the gun shoots us, this is our warning.”

He was still really confused and had no idea what I was talking about.

It was dark outside, about 10 o’clock at night. If you guys care at all it was not raining this night. He lived on a road that only saw like two cars per day, so there was not a street light anywhere on this road, the only illumination we had was from all the houses.

That had a lot do to with what I thought was going on.  I could have sworn we were in a post apocalyptic setting and a spherical robot that was also a gun with several chambers in it was warning us that we violated its space.

Taking into account that it was a spherical ball that had a shit ton of chambers in it that fired bullets as it span in circles, it would inevitability shoot anything within its radius.

“Josh, we got to fucking go man, that robot is about to shoot us.”

I started trying to pay attention. all of a sudden that environment turned back into Josh’s street and the robot turned into an old lady wondering if I was okay to walk home because she, like a lot of other people, assumed I was drunk.

That is another idea for a story to, man when I don’t got any ideas I should just write shit down until my brain is like, “hey hey hey.” Go back and re-read that sentence in Fat Albert’s voice.

Okay, so…..

I then yelled, “No mam, I’m fine, I’m just handicapped, I’ll be fine, thank you.”

After me yelling at something, Josh tells me to shut up, people are sleeping.

She then yells back and says, “I’m going to call the police.”

I then say to Josh, “we got to go home before the cops show up man.”

Josh says “what the fuck are you talking about.”

“Some old bitch is going to call the cops man, we got to go”

Josh then told me the person I heard yelling was just some drunk dude pissing on a fire.

We then get back to his house and we go up into his room so I could watch him play basketball on the original Xbox. He also offered me a tortilla chip, he gave me the whole damn bag.

It took me 15 minutes to chew on one chip. I just kept chewing forever, until Josh wondered what I was doing.

Now that I think about it, I was most likely eating nothing for a good 14 minutes, or I kept chewing on a chip of small of very soft crumbs.

There was a knock on the door and Josh’s dad calls him downstairs. I’m now laying in his room in the fetal position freaking the fuck out. Was I going to go to jail? Do his mom and dad know why the cops are here?

After they open the door I can hear an unknown voice coming from the bottom of the stairs. I’m still freaking out, thinking my life was over at this point.

His sister and her friend who was staying the night came up the stairs to stare at me laying on the floor in the fetal position and breathing really fast.

Josh comes back up the stairs and a few minutes later and I asked him, “why did your dad call you downstairs?”

“Oh man, he just needed help putting eye drops in our dogs eye because our dog is going blind”

Then a bunch of other shit happens that is not really relative to this story. I didn’t fight Josh about the issue, I just took the information at face value. I also called my kid’s mom, she was super pissed at me. She told me I could go to Josh’s, don’t tell me I can do something that you don’t want me to. She knew I was going to smoke pot, she also said call me if you want to get picked up.

On a side note, don’t tell a man he can do something if you do not want him to do it.

After she yelled at me for hours, I sank into my bed with my head spinning and went to bed.

The next morning I called Josh to ask him what happened last night. He goes onto tell me that a drunk guy was pissing on a fire and he helped his dad give eye drops to the dog.

I still can’t believe him to this day.

I’m pretty damn sure this old lady was actually yelling at me and the cops did in fact come to his house.

That’s just another story that Josh can tell with, “and the cops came”

I was quick to stop hanging out with him, not the day after however, but eventually. He wanted to know why I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore, so I told him, “every single story you tell always ends with and the cops came.”

I have not seen him in a long time, apparently he is was doing cocaine before he grew up and realized he was an asshole all these years ago.

With all that being said I still fully support the legalization of marijuana. You can be a responsible user of marijuana, many of them are, they are just not the ones who hear about on the news.

A friend can try to get you to drink more alcohol to. If he did I might have ended up going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

It’s not the substances fault, I just smoked more than I should have. I really glad I didn’t go to jail that night for not committing a violent crime, that would just clog up a system that I didn’t deserve to be in, but I learned my lesson anyways.

If you are one to start smoking pot, do not smoke more than you think you can handle. Even though you will not die from it. It’s not much fun until you learn where your happy medium is.

If you live outside of Washington State or Colorado that is trying to educate people about the uses of recreational marijuana. I got one piece of advise for you, stoners will give a responsible marijuana smokers a bad name.

If you just starting, do it with someone you really trust and make sure you are comfortable in your own environment, if you are one to become paranoid, not being in the right environment might make it worse.


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