A Horse With No Name

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Remember being a kid? Wasn’t it annoying when your parents told you not to do something?

“Because I said so,” I always hated that excuse, it never explained anything to me, or anyone else.

My dad had been saying a certain motto ever since I was a kid, and it is one the most important things I have ever learned from my father.

If you care to follow me I will take you on a personal trip of how the following words have effected my life.

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.” 

This idea came to me one night when I saw one of those “shared quotes” on Facebook, I can’t remember word for word what it said, but it had something to do with how it was hard to watch your friends making mistakes.

Two of my friends made big mistakes, and I really could not do anything about it. I’m going to change their name to protect the guilty.

You might be able to figure out who they are if you care to dive into my blog and read some of my other shit, but in this case we are going to call them Cheech and Chong.

Often when parents tell you, “because I said so,” it is because they have insight that you can’t or don’t want to see.

If you stop them from running into a wall they will do it again. When my kids mom broke up with me I’d like to think that she thought me a lot about people.

I knew Cheech for a long time, we were best friends for a long time. When I moved to another town with my kids mom he didn’t really continue to talk to me, I was told that it was all due to the fact that I lived further away from him.

Apparently while I was being a father, he was dating this girl named Christi who lived 20 miles from his house, further away from my house by the way.

While I was busy changing dirty diapers and getting thrown up on he was dabbling with cocaine.

One morning as I was about to drop my kid off at daycare he called me and said, “hey man, I really need to come over, are you doing anything.”

I more or less skipped school that day to hear what he needed to say, even though he was “too busy” to hang out with me he was still my friend, one of my strongest strengths is loyalty. I did not know about the cocaine until this point, I also came to find out Christie and him had an on and off relationship.

This was like the third time they broke up, but he was convinced that she was the best thing that has ever happened to him. Even if it was, he was convinced it could not get any better.

Fast forward to a few years later, I’m back at my parents house because the mother of my kid and I have broken up. I was now closer to Cheech’s house and we had more fun in the past few years we ever had.

He stopped doing cocaine, I never did or even cared to. At this point Christie broke up with him for the ninth time and has moved to Colorado for some type of high paying job.

It has been a long time since the two of them talked, but they started talking again. She had him hooked, he had tunnel vision again. He never took her number out of his phone, this was a good two years after she moved to Colorado.

Anyhow…she had him convinced, not like it was a hard thing to do anyways, that he should move to Colorado and live with her.

What?

That’s what I was saying to.

One night I was over at his house and he asked what I thought about him moving. I already told him a few times about her in the past. He didn’t want to listen to me then, why would he do it now.

He had tunnel vision and will not figure it out until he fucks up. I thought nine times would have been enough, apparently not.

I looked at him and said, “yea man, if this will make you happy then go for it”. 

About a year after he got there she broke up with him, I can’t say I didn’t see that coming.

He tried to make it work in Colorado, but eventually moved back to Washington State. Chong also lived in Washington State and made the biggest mistake of his life in the same state.

around 2007 I moved into an apartment to get out of my parents again. Overtime I came to figure out that the girl who I lived with had a felony for the possession of crack cocaine.

To top that off while she was a “crackhead” she became a prostitute to support her habit, she liked to call herself a former escort, but same thing. Not my best decision ever, but a decision I made nonetheless.

Overtime I came to figure out that she still had the same set of mind, using people for things, it wasn’t drugs, but she was still using her body to get what she wanted.

You might be saying to yourself, “girls do that anyway.” Not really, some girls do it, some girls don’t do it intentionally. This girl however had experience with this, and she did it to whoever gave her the opportunity.

One night Chong came over to my house to hang out and drink beer. Later that night Chong told me that he thought that Heather was hot. I called him dumb.

“I mean I can see that, but you do not want to mixed up with this girl.”

Chong was not the sharpest tool in the shed. He is better now, but back in his day he was the one friend that we all have that was stoned all day, every day.

While I really do not believe marijuana makes you dumb, when your stoned all week-long for months at a time, it does have an effect on your short-term memory.

However Chong is one of my best friends and has always been there when I needed a friend.

One day Chong was driving us to a bar so we could play pool, I think that’s what we were doing. All of a sudden Chong told me that he had a “fuck buddy” and that I would have never guessed who it was.

I spent the next five minutes trying to guess who this was, I went as far to guess my sister. I never guessed or ever thought of it being Heather. She kicked herself out of my apartment about a year prior to this, so I assumed that he no longer had any contact with her.

Heather was so far from my mind that when he said, “It’s Heather”. I was quick to say in extremely shocked manner, “My kids mom”? 

“No bro, not her, the girl who used to live with you.” After a few seconds of me being so shocked that I didn’t know what to say, I looked at him and said, “are you fucking stupid man, she will use you for everything she can, she does not love you, she will just make you think she does.”

He then popped into say, “we are not going out, and we won’t.” I chuckled and said, “just wait, you will be before you even see it coming”.

He more or less had his mind made up and was not going to listen to anything I had to say because he was under the assumption that he was happy and I didn’t know what I was talking about. I still talked to him from time to time, but I had stepped back to watch him run into a brink wall.

The only problem with him is that once he runs into the brick wall, he will get out of his car and continue to run, on foot, into this wall. This whole time he will wonder why that wall is still there as he runs into it over and over.

A few years later I’m at home hanging out by myself, my roommate Marcus was in Seattle with his girlfriend. I got a call from Chong, “Hey dawg, do you mind if I come over with some beer and weed.” I was not expecting a call from him but replied be saying, “yea man you’re welcome at my house anytime”. 

We were now outside on my back patio drinking beer, passing the pipe, and smoking cigarettes. He starts the conversation by saying, “you were right”. 

I came to find out that not only did he break up with Heather, they were going though a fifth of vodka every night, which Heather was not supposed to drink anyways. She was driving one of his two cars so she could get to and back from work. “Dude, what the fuck?” He was quick to say, “She works at Fred Meyer bro and does not have a car.” 

Chong is a lot like me, too nice for his own good, so he more or less wanted her to have that car. “Okay man, if you say so, but you need to go take your name off of that car.” He wanted to know why and I had to tell him that she was going to fuck up at some point and I don’t think you want to get it trouble for it.

She was being just as stupid, he could have reported the car stolen and have her thrown in jail for Grand Theft Auto.

He also bought her a full size bed for $999.99. Had a very good job at the time making about $37.00 an hour, so he was able to afford it. “She will pay me back.” I put my beer down and said, “No she won’t, you mine as well accept it as a loss.”

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink.”

My whole point of this is….. as much as it sucks, you need to let people fuck up from time to time. Rather you’re a parent or not, the same rule applies.

If someone really wants to do something, nothing you say or do will change that. People need to learn from their mistakes, and if you stop them from making that mistake they will not know why, and in the end they will not know any differently.

You can’t blame people for what they don’t know. If you try to tell them why, they’re just going to think you’re talking out off your ass.

You can only do so much.

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