This is a story that I think everyone can relate to, we all have moms.
Some of them are just crazier than others.
“Don’t go outside, you’re going to die.” That is what it is like to live with a mother and/or a father that is way too over protective.
I love my mom, but some of the shit that she worries about is just so beyond my comprehension that I can’t even fathom how she got to that idea in the first place.
Some of you that follow my blog might know that I was born with a rare disability known as Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia.
To sum it up into a few words, I can’t really walk and spend the majority of my time in a manual wheelchair. I used to be able to run but that has deteriorated over time, to the point that I can barely walk. I walk around the house, but when I do so it is very carefully planned out. As if I were trying to navigate a minefield in my own house.
I have to plan out where to fall so I can grab unto the next piece of furniture without actually falling. My walking has turned into a disorganized pattern of falling into something and catching myself before I lose control.
When I’m in a new environment such as a friends house or a house party I usually stop and stand there for a few seconds as I carefully scan my surroundings to figure out what I can or can not hold onto, the people I can or can not trust if I grab their shoulder, and how hard or easy it would be to complete the puzzle.
People are not granted to stay in one place forever, so by the time I get up they might have moved to another location. All this planning is done just so I can go to the bathroom.
I can understand why my mother is so worried about me walking to my car, because I might fall; and she is justified to worry about that, in all reality it might happen.
I have carefully figured that out too, and I go out of the garage every time all because there are things for me to hold onto unlike the sidewalk that is out in the open.
In all reality I might get stuck by lightning too. She worries about the dumbest shit ever, and they all might happen, but some of them are like going into a tattoo shop and getting tattooed by someone who does not have any tattoos.
Every time that I tell my mom I’m driving somewhere I get that classic, “be careful, there are a lot of drivers out there and you don’t want to get into an accident”. You’re right, I don’t want to get into an accident, but I don’t want to be afraid of the world either.
Did she forget that we lived in one of the most populated areas in the United States? Where do we live now? The middle of fucking nowhere, where everyone thinks we still drive covered wagons and all we do is watch corn grow as we drink tea.
According to the US Census of 2012 the city of Lincoln, Nebraska had a population of 75,000 more people than that of Tacoma, Washington. Yes, but Tacoma runs into a bunch of other towns that all run into other towns, so you have way more than 275,000 people in said area.
My point is that I’m no longer driving 56 miles to and from Seattle and taking 3 hours just to get home on I-5. I’m now driving on a road with fewer people.
Stop and go traffic in Nebraska simply does not exist. If you ask people from here they would say otherwise, that’s all they know.
But until you’re on a freeway and everyone stops for a few seconds and then does not travel more than 100 feet before they have to stop again, you just don’t understand rush hour traffic.
It was like that the whole drive home, minus that of side streets in town that I always took to avoid Meridian. But everyone took the same back roads, so it was only marginally better.
You might have guessed by now that my mom is one of those types that is afraid to drive anywhere that she doesn’t need to. She is also one of those that watches the news… all day long, that is all well and good, but when you start to let the news scare you of life outside of the house, you have to really think about your life.
Then she believes everything she sees on the news, the news station is a business, businesses need to make profit, they make money based off of how many viewers they have. That being said they can and do say anything they want to get more people to watch.
You can take any statistic and make it appear as good or bad as you want it to, that’s what advertisers and politicians do all the time.
Nothing really happens in Nebraska, well at least not on the same level as Western Washington. The news in Washington State did not cover everything, because they only had so much time to cover important news.
In Nebraska the news will tell you about the guy that robbed 7-11 at gunpoint.
Because of that and the fact that she never really gets out of the house, the news leads her to believe that Snake Plissken is going to break into the house to save her from all the evil people.
What do you mean you can take any statistic and make it look different?
A statistic is a statistic, but most people do not give you all the information needed, in an advertisers case, he or she is hoping that you take it at face value just so you go spend more money on their product or products.
For example, 5 million Americans die every year from tobacco.
That’s scary right?
Did you know that 317,558,000 people live in the United States.
That being said, less than 1.58% of Americans die every year from tobacco use, that’s only 1.58% people.
All that information goes into what I’m about to say.
When I park my car in the driveway I can open my door and step onto a bed of rocks. Refer to the picture up top.
In that bed of rocks is a larger rock. She is terrified that if I go to my car I’m going to fall and hit my head on that rock. I might fall, I might even fall onto that rock, but I might fall inside of the house too. I might even fall onto my car and catch myself.
There are multiple places I can fall, falling down is a crappy experience; but no, “this rock has to be moved so my son doesn’t become a retard.”
Sorry to all of you for not using politically correct terms. My dad is not going to move that rock, unless he gets tired of her bitching about it, my dad is awesome; he fucking treats me like a person, not a delicate baby that can’t defend himself from gravity.
I fell before, a ton of times. I know how to fall. When I fall I get zoned into that slow motion action, kind of like when you’re in a car accident.
I know what to look for, falling sucks and there really are not any graceful ways to do it. But I do know one thing, if I happen to fall in the direction of that rock I’m not going to stand there like a stiff board and let gravity smack my forehead right into the rock below me.
My point is, don’t treat your kids like kids when they are not kids, they might learn to resent you for it, I know I do.
People, all people, learn from making mistakes, and if you stop them for making that mistake they will grow up to be more rebellious than you want them to be.
If my kid asked me five times if he can touch the hot stove top, of course I’m going to say no, because I don’t want him to burn himself; but if he wont listen to me I’ll let him touch it, he’ll learn pretty fucking fast not to do it again.
If I fall on that rock, you were a good mom by letting me do so. If you’re that worried about a damn rock then just take everything away from me so I can become a depressed individual.
Oh, my mom called me an alcoholic tonight because I had two beers, two. Come on people, two…..two, what the fuck is my mom smoking?