It takes a special kind of person to love another person who is disabled. In my particular case, I am physically disabled.
I love my girlfriend for that, and a few other things we share similar opinions on, I really do love her and do not feel like I can or even want to try to do any better.
Given my current situation, she reminds me everyday of how special she is to me.
I did not have many girlfriends in high school, as a matter of fact I only had 2, and one of them was at the very end of my senior year.
Most girls will not date me based off of nature or science or even selfishness; call it whatever you want to. Based off of what I have heard throughout life, girls want a guy that can work, a guy who is cute, and a guy that can protect her or her family.
As far as the work thing goes, I’m trying. I don’t want to sit at home and take a small portion of everyone taxes. I want a job, I want to feel like I’m doing something with my life other than sitting on my ass playing video games.
The simple fact of it is that very few people will hire me because I can’t run, jump or skip. Then I have to find those jobs, and then getting employed by said job is difficult as is.
I talk slow, in my head I talk normal speed, but in all reality I talk slow. Slow speech along with being nervous can and often makes an employer think I’m mentally challenged. It doesn’t really matter if I can or can not do the job, if you have me and some other guy who can run around a football field, they are going to hire him. Can I find a job, yes; but it is very hard to do, even with my education.
Girls want a guy that is cute for one reason really, to insure that their son and/or daughter has good DNA. The majority of girls would just look at me and say, “nope, I’m not having a kid with this guy.”
I’m fairly cute, most girls have even told me so, but they do not want a disabled child, and neither do I really; then you get into the extra cost of having said child.
I’m glad my girlfriend is an Atheist like me who supports pro-choice. We want to test an egg to see if it has my gene, that one that causes my disability. If it does then the egg will be discarded and the scientists will try again.
That not only costs more money but also increases our chance of having twins or triplets. To put it simple women just don’t want to deal with that, and while it scientifically makes sense, it does make me feel like I’m not good enough. Many girls have shoved me into the friend zone just for that reason.
Then you get into the area of protection. I’m sorry, but I can’t physically defend you if some other guy was to assault you. Once again the topic of kids come up. I can’t physically protect them either. You’ll just have to get use to it, as much as I wish I could, I can’t.
On a side note, I did one of the hardest things a single father has do to. I have a kid who is now 10 years old. When my kid was about 2 and a half, his mom and I split up.
She then got married to some other guy some time later. He was in the military and has taken my son with them to Alaska, Texas, and Florida. It took me a long time to get over my own issues about the relationship that I had with his mother, in the process of this he was calling his step father dad.
No single father wants their kid to be calling anyone else dad. I got over my own issues and I talk to my kid often, he remembers me, and calls me dad. However he still calls his step father dad.
I think he knows the difference between us, but calls both us of dad. I even have talked to his step father, without fighting with him. I can now talk to his mother as if we never dated in the first place. Her friends often become jealous because the two of us can talk without fighting.
To put it simple, he can give my son a better life than I can. He is more financially secure than I am. I remember being a kid and I think I would have had a worse childhood if my parents lived from paycheck to paycheck.
To put it simply I wrote a letter to my kids mother thanking both of them for providing my kid with a better life than I can.
Back to my original point.
All of this has come up because as I lay in bed at night with my girlfriend she tells me that she is mad at people, because they all ask the same questions multiple times.
Not only can these questions be considered rude but she has to explain it, again, to somebody who already asked.
Yes, I know I’m 30 and both of us live at my parents, it really sucks. She doesn’t like it either. It’s even starting to make us feel like we’re not our own couple anymore.
Neither one of us are happy about it, but to have people tell her to break up with me because of that is just super rude. I could fathom the idea if I was just a lazy ass 30-year-old that just stayed home all day.
You break your leg and come to me saying it’s easy to find a job. Everyone has their own struggles in life, this just happens to be mine.
Then my girlfriend gets other questions such as can he even have sex, how do you two have sex, how many sex positions can he do, do you want a child with him, and the classic is your child going to be disabled. Is she not supposed to be upset by this line of questioning?
Oh that’s right, she should just break up with me because I’m not normal. What is your definition of normal anyways? These are all things my girlfriend and I need to talk about, you’re not dating me and therefore have very minimal, if any, saying in what she does in our relationship.
That’s why I love my girlfriend, who is soon to be my wife. We talked about it before hand, she didn’t move to Nebraska with me just for shits and giggles.
I’m really sorry that we live at my parents house all because I can’t easily find a job. I love her, I really do; she reminds me everyday of how lucky I am to have her.
Other then the fact that we hardly ever fight and she talks to me if there ever is a fight, we both communicate with one another and because of that are rarely mad at each other. She is a special woman, that I’m very lucky to have found.